


The Story Of Us

by EightLeggedFox



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-09-19 04:51:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 70,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20325394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EightLeggedFox/pseuds/EightLeggedFox
Summary: Daniel tells the story of the person who taught him just how strong love can be.





	1. Enchanted

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of me listening to too many Taylor Swift songs haha

“Tell me about him.”

Daniel pauses in bringing his shot glass to his mouth, his hand freezing midway while he eyes Jihyo from across their small table.

“Who?”

Jihyo ignores his scrutiny, downing her own shot glass before answering cheekily. “Park Jihoon.”

Daniel’s eyes instinctively narrow in suspicion. After all, a topic of conversation involving an ex doesn’t really spell out nicely when you’re currently spending the night together at an upscale Japanese restaurant booked in a private tatami room while drinking the finest whiskey on the menu. Daniel just dunks his shot, making a satisfied hiss when the golden liquid travels down his throat.

“Why?” he asks, pouring himself another one. Jihyo just shrugs, blinking her wide eyes at him.

“I wanna know more about the person I competed against.”

Daniel just rolls his eyes, leaning back. “There’s no competition Jihyo.” 

“You do know that answer either entails flattery or offense, right?”

“Then take it how you want it,” Daniel says, his smugness earning him a little kick on the knee from under their table. He groans. “What do you want me to tell you? That you’re the better partner?”

“Please. I don’t need your affirmation.” Jihyo scoffs, waving the tip of their whiskey bottle at him with a playful smile on her face. “I wanna understand where you’re coming from. What he really was to you, and what brought about—well...you know.”

Daniel chews on his lower lip, eyes suddenly trained on their dwindling supply of whiskey. He hasn’t treaded this topic with another person since—well, _ never _ really. He’s only given easy, short, and concise answers to whoever’s asked him in the past; only providing brief explanations as to who Jihoon was, what order did he take in the list of lovers Daniel’s had in his life, and everyone’s favorite question: why they broke up? 

_ “He’s just a guy I met in college.” _

_ “We only dated for half a year, I think.” _

_ “Things just didn’t work out between us." _

The answers usually work and the line of conversation usually ends there for most people, with Jihyo included when she had asked him the same things roughly a year ago. That’s not to say though that Daniel actually considers Jihoon as ‘just a guy he met in college’, or that he doesn’t know the exact number of days they actually spent together, or that their breakup didn’t include so many hidden facets to it than things merely not working out. Just because he chooses to end the topic on the surface doesn’t mean that’s all there is to it.

To be fair, Daniel’s only ever been vague about the topic himself, as he usually is when confronted with this certain subject. So it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise that he’s being asked a more in-depth elaboration now, although he thinks he’s going to need a lot more whiskey if Jihyo really wants to travel this road tonight.

“Can we have another bottle of the same please?” He tells the kind waitress who promptly slides into their private room after he presses the small buzzer on their table.

“I thought you said no getting drunk tonight?” Jihyo raises an eyebrow, skeptical and just a little bit worried.

“Who’s getting drunk?” Daniel says, smirking in challenge. He doesn’t intend to drink past his limit. They both know what happens to him if he does and Daniel knows that another bottle of whiskey is just plenty enough to get him talking more openly.

He pours himself another from their first bottle before the second one arrives and bowing slightly in thanks to the waitress. Sloshing the alcohol in his glass, he takes a few deep breaths to get his mind in a proper state before he downs his whiskey.

“So, what do you want to know?”

Jihyo leans forward, cupping her chin in her hands and batting her eyelashes. “You always said you two met in college...but I feel like there’s more to that than what you’re letting on.” 

Daniel chuckles, shaking his head a little. “What did you have in mind?”

“I dunno.” She shrugs. “The way you talk about him feels like you knew each other a lot longer than that. Like he’s some kind of long lost person from your childhood who you shared all your first experiences with. Something like ‘you only find out much later when you two became a couple that the little boy from across your block was actually him all along’ kind of thing.”

He almost spills the next shot of drink he’s pouring out. This time he actually laughs. “Have you been watching romance movies with the girls again?”

“Am I wrong though?” Jihyo arches a brow, smirking. “I mean, it would make a lot of sense if that’s your guys' story.”

Daniel shakes his head, still fighting off some giggles coming from his chest. “No, but I _ wish _ my life before was as romantic as that. I never lied about anything. I did just meet him in college.”

“...but?”

He looks at Jihyo's expectant expression, thinking back to that night all those years ago. It’s not hard to recall—how can it when every memory of Jihoon presents itself in his mind as clear as day? He takes another drink, pursing his lips before speaking.

***

By no means was Park Jihoon the first love of his life. He was a graduating college student when they first met, at a tender age that got him doing a lot of not-so-tender things that broke almost all of the first times on the list of them. Jihoon didn't have the weight of 'firsts' to make an impact on Daniel's life; he didn't have to. His mere existence was like a natural calamity all on its own. Like a storm hitting a city that even years later people will constantly remember and add in their anecdotes when talking about the weather. Like an earthquake, or a volcanic eruption so monumental that it becomes forever immortalized in history books. 

It started off a little weird but still fairly simple—as with most things that go down as monumentally climactic—in a college dorm party on the eve after everybody's final exams. The party everyone had been waiting for, hosted by someone big and popular from the music department that Jaehwan assures him throws _ the _ best parties on campus. A statement that's hard to take seriously really, when his best friend graces any kind of party with the 'best' tag as long as it has loud music and enough booze that will have him puking before the night even ends.

"This is going to be so. Fucking. Awesome!" is the last thing Daniel hears before he promptly loses him to the crowd in true Jaehwan-fashion. Which is totally okay, considering he's been to more than enough parties with his best friend to know that he'll only ever see him again in passing and when he's drunk enough to finally go home. Jaehwan isn't his only friend at least, and the popular guy from the music department does kinda live through the promise of his reputation when he sees there's plenty of drinks and entertainment to go around. Daniel swears he even saw a stripper pop out of a cake in one of the rooms. 

As with all parties though, especially in this big of a scale where the entire building is blasting and having fun, there's always a point in the night where it's all just too much. When the rooms become too swollen with people and the hallways too stuffy with intermingled breaths, Daniel excuses himself from the crowd he's currently with and picks up his half-empty plastic cup to try and find the nearest source of fresh air. It takes him a while to traverse the crowd and it's only after the futile attempt of checking all the balconies this five-story dorm has to offer does he accidentally stumble upon an empty staircase which he assumes probably leads to the roof.

Perfect.

The blast of cool air that hits his face the moment he opens the door to the rooftop is a welcome relief in contrast to the party two flights down. He inhales and exhales, twice, with his eyes closed while he basks in the peace and quiet.

It’s deftly broken though, at the very moment he opens his eyes and finds a silhouette of a person a few feet ahead of him. It’s not so much as the presence of someone else up here that breaks him from his serenity but more on the fact that this someone is quite literally perched on the edge of the roof. His back is turned, but Daniel doesn’t need to see from all angles to know that the person’s legs are probably dangling over the edge. So much for peace and quiet.

"Hey there," he says, his voice coming out a whole octave higher to make sure the guy can hear him and definitely not because he's nervous. Nope. Not him. "Hey. I'm Daniel. What's your name?"

Not very smooth, and he cringes at how the lame introduction comes out. There's a lot that can be said about Daniel and his charms; his words are sincere, or so his peers say. And a lot of people always tell him that he's got this innocent look about him most of the time that greatly boosts his friend-making skills in most situations. _ This _ is not like most situations, however. 

He can see the guy twist his body a bit so he’s facing him somewhat, but it takes an awfully long minute before he actually speaks. "Jihoon." The guy answers back, his voice a deep timbre piercing through the quiet night. An answer is good, Daniel thinks, so he takes that as a good sign and walks forward—slowly.

"Hi Jihoon. It's nice to meet you." The cringe just doesn't let up with his words, and coupled with his nerves which are currently wired on high voltage, it makes him look like an amateur intern working his first day at a help-a-friend hotline. "Do you wanna talk?"

It’s too dark to make out the guy’s—_ Jihoon’s _—face, but Daniel thinks he sees a confounded expression on it. It probably has something to do with the fact that he looks like he’s tiptoeing over to him like an incredibly lousy spy in those old espionage movies.

“Umm...not really?” Jihoon says, confusion and what Daniel thinks is a hint of annoyance coloring his voice. “I prefer the quiet but, thanks anyway."

Daniel tries his best to recall every episode of Dr. Phil he’s ever watched to come up with something psychologically helpful in this situation. He vaguely remembers something about being relatable, being kind and some other positive shit. When nothing else comes up, he puts on his best smile and goes for the most comforting persona he can muster. 

“I know this world can be umm—very shitty sometimes but if you have problems, I’m willing to listen? It doesn’t have to be this way and—”

He’s saved from his awkward life-is-precious pep talk when he sees and hears Jihoon snickering. And it’s not even the demure, conservative kind of snickering you do when you’re being partially respectful to whoever it is you’re laughing at. No. Jihoon is full-on giggling, with a hand flying up to cover his mouth as if that small act could hide the grin behind it. 

“What’s so funny?” Daniel asks, bordering on irritation when he actually sees Jihoon’s eyes twinkling with tears. 

“Did you actually think I was about to jump off and kill myself?” He laughs some more, uninhibited when all Daniel does is give him a dumb, blank look. “Dude, that’s very sweet of you and all, but I’m not suicidal.”

It feels like the rug has just been pulled from under his feet at a very alarming speed that all he can do is gape. "Then what the fuck are you even doing up there? Get down before you actually _ do _ kill yourself!" Daniel says, letting out all the built-up breath he didn't even realize he was holding when Jihoon swings his legs back to the side of the rooftop and drops down from the ledge. The bastard still has the gall to keep laughing.

"I was admiring the view," Jihoon answers with a shrug, turning his back to him again to lean his elbows against the cement. Daniel walks up all the way now and stands beside him, snorting before taking a sip of the beer he's still holding. 

"Some view." He doesn't want to be cynical, but they're literally looking at a plain open street in complete darkness save for the few lamp posts scattered about. The dorm they're in isn't even remotely located anywhere that offers anything that could be called a view you could accidentally fall to your death for. 

"Hey, beggars can't be choosers."

"Yes, they can. Especially when it's between living and doing something really stupid like willingly subjecting yourself to a horrible accident."

"I _ wasn't _ going to fall," Jihoon says, and his tone immediately tells Daniel that he's the type of guy that doesn't like losing in an argument. Great. "I was literally just sitting here. The odds of me dying from a fall is lesser compared to if I were to spend another hour downstairs."

Jihoon taps his foot twice on the cemented floor, referring to the ruckus. Daniel supposes he understands. After all, he came up here with the exact same reasons as well. Just not the sitting-on-the edge-of-the-roof part.

"What did the party ever do to you?" Daniel says, mostly as a rhetorical question to end their little small talk than anything. So he's a little surprised when he feels rather than sees Jihoon shrug beside him.

"Nothing really. I just hate parties in general...loud and stuffy ones like this anyway."

Daniel nods, getting that one too. He loves full-scale college parties as much as the next person, but even he has to admit that this one is becoming a bit too crowded for his taste. He doesn't say this though, staying silent and opting to respect the peace and quiet Jihoon must've come up here for before he so graciously barged in and accused him of committing suicide. 

Ill-placed respect, really, when it’s Jihoon who actually breaks the pact of silence himself.

“What about you?” he asks, face half-turned towards Daniel. “I mean, don’t get me wrong—but you don’t exactly exude the same amount of sarcasm and negativity as I do for wanting to escape the hell hole downstairs.”

Daniel laughs at that, almost spitting out his beer in the process. “I just wanted some air. And to be honest, I’m kinda all partied out. I’m just waiting for my friend to get drunk enough and call me so we can go home.”

"Are you his chaperone or something?"

Daniel shakes his head fondly. "Not really. But when I say drunk I mean _ really _ drunk. He's gonna need me to bring him home."

Jihoon hums in response, regarding him with a small nod. “Nice friend.”

“Yeah, I guess. He’s just a handful. He’s more of the party animal between us and—”

“I was talking about you.” Jihoon smiles at him, tight with his lips pursed. “If that were me and my best friend, I’d just leave him and lock him out of our dorm.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.” Daniel finds himself saying even though the thought was only supposed to stay inside his head. Jihoon doesn’t look like he minds though, and in fact, looks like he’s gloating even.

“I’m not this inherently evil, just in case you’re wondering,” he says, eyes going back to the sea of nothingness before them. “I’m just cranky tonight. I’m usually a decent human-being on normal days.”

Daniel chuckles, nodding. “So what brought out the villain tonight?”

“A lot of things.” Jihoon sighs, a really heavy kind of exhalation that Daniel even feels some of his breath wafting on the surface of his arm nearest to him. “For starters, I wasn’t even planning on going to this party. My roommate—who, at this moment, is now my _ ex-best friend _—kicked me out of our room ‘cause he brought over this girl he’s been dating. I definitely didn't want to be anywhere near the place when they did the dirty so like how I'm being right now, I whined about it to my other friend who then invited me to come to this party tonight instead. Two hours in and I haven’t even seen a single strand of hair from the guy’s head.”

Daniel immediately brings up the image of Jaehwan in his mind and how he got promptly ditched by him the moment they entered the party venue. “You and me both then,” he says. “About the friend flaking on you at the party I mean. Not the roommate bit.”

“That’s only the half of it though.”

Daniel raises his eyebrows, curious. “It gets worse?”

Jihoon nods, hanging his head a little before he tips his chin to the red plastic cup Daniel’s holding. “Can I have some of that?”

He passes him the cup, watches Jihoon take a small sip and—he’s not going to say cute but the way he scrunches up his face for the aftertaste is just that. He’s not saying it though. Thinking it, maybe, but not saying.

“Anyway, so there I am hanging out all by myself at the party right? In trying to find my friend I happen to see one of my long-time campus crushes in one of the hallways, and thought, hmm...we’re graduating soon anyway right? And we’re at this killer party so maybe I can make a move or something. Maybe even get laid if I’m lucky.”

Daniel feels a smile forming on his lips, unable to stop himself. “Oh no. What did you do?”

Jihoon takes another drink from Daniel’s cup. A longer swig and this time that the scrunch his face makes is accompanied by a loud ‘ah’. 

“It’s not so much of what I did but rather more on what I _ didn’t _ do. So I go around following him wallflower style, waiting for the right moment to come over and say hello and bat my eyelashes at the guy. I lurked around him for a good half-hour or so, and then he settles down in one of the living rooms and takes a seat on the sofa. Finally I see my chance."

He pauses a bit, and Daniel finds that he's actually hanging on to this guy's every word with a dumb smile on his face. Another thought he isn't going to say, how this is probably the best conversation he's had since coming to this party. 

"I was thinking about what to say and how to say it. And in the exact moment I finish building up my courage and start walking over to the guy, some dance major suddenly sits on his lap and attacks his face with his mouth.”

Daniel doesn’t even know why he tries to hold it in because in the end, all it does is make a fart sound that escapes his tightly pursed lips which causes the subsequent laugh to come out a little louder than he intended.

“I stood there for a solid minute, watching them make out.” Jihoon continues, ignoring his hysterics. “I must have some kind of sadistic-masochistic kink ‘cause fuck—I’d be lying if I said the image of them making out wasn’t hot as hell. But at the same time, I felt my heart shattering into a tiny million pieces over a guy who probably doesn’t even know I exist."

"Goddamn," Daniel says, wiping the corners of his eyes. "That's gotta be the best failed-hookup story I've ever heard."

Jihoon starts chuckling along with him, shaking his head. "Maybe jumping off the roof wouldn't be such a bad idea after all, huh?"

It's an unstoppable instinct when Daniel playfully shoves at Jihoon's shoulder as he lets out another laugh, too late in realizing that their supposed level of acquaintancy for the night doesn't really warrant him to be touchy with the guy. He's about to apologize, but the way Jihoon smiles at him tells him he doesn't even mind.

"God, I'm pathetic," Jihoon says, laughing still. "C'mon your turn. Tell me something sad so I don't feel like I'm alone in this."

Daniel doesn't know what comes over him right then, especially when he's been doing his very best to steer away from the thought not just tonight but for the entire week. If it's from the alcohol, all the laughing, or from the easy-going nature of their conversation, he's not entirely sure. All he knows is he’s just suddenly blurting out the first thing at the top of his head.

"My girlfriend of three years broke up with me two weeks ago."

He stares at Jihoon, watches his jaw drop, close, and drop again. "Damn. Seriously?" He says, and Daniel just nods. 

There's a mute kind of noise around them then, a little awkward but not by a lot. Jihoon doesn’t give him the kind of sorry look he expects at least. The same kind he always gets when he tells this to people, and honestly, it’s pretty nice that he doesn't. 

"We're graduating soon. I'm moving to Seoul after this and she's moving to the Philippines to become a teacher," he says to explain, gingerly taking the cup that's loosely held in Jihoon's hand and taking a sip of his just-about finished beer. "She says she doesn't really want to go through the long-distance thing so...yeah. Three years of my love life down the drain."

The first week after the breakup was really terrible on him. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep; spent all his time moping and resisting the urge to call his girlfriend to beg her to take him back. Surprisingly it doesn't hurt as much to talk about it now with Jihoon. There's a fine difference in telling it to a stranger he thinks; one who only listens and looks at him with just a small amount of sympathy that doesn't get him to feel more sorry for himself.

“Well, that sucks,” Jihoon says, and Daniel actually feels glad that he isn’t giving him the typical lines of ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘It’s going to be okay’. 

“Tell me about it.”

"This is why I don't think relationships are worth it." Jihoon continues, facing forward again. "It always ends in a breakup, one way or another. People like to fool themselves with the romantic ideology that love lasts forever but the thing is, nothing in this world does. Not even love."

Daniel turns his face to him, an eyebrow raised. "That sounds so...broken. Who hurt you enough for you to say that?"

"No one." Jihoon just laughs at him, shaking his head. "It's just a fact."

“A fact.” Daniel repeats after him, nodding slowly. "Have you ever been in a relationship?"

"Not really. No."

"Then how do you know that it's not worth it?” He asks, unable to resist himself. “Despite things coming to an end, how are you so sure that the moments you shared with another person aren’t worth it if you haven't experienced it yourself?" He doesn't mean to sound so defensive. He's just stating facts, much like Jihoon is. 

"Do _ you _ feel like it's worth it?" Jihoon counters, his tone even. "Can you tell me, right now, that the decision your girlfriend made for the both of you is justifiable enough to feel like the three years you spent together were worth it?"

Now that's a low blow, hard enough for the air to be completely knocked out of him. He hasn’t even completely moved on yet and the truth of what Jihoon says stings. Daniel opens his mouth to say something, but all that comes out is a stifled breath. It's all the answer Jihoon needs.

"I mean no offense, and I'm not trying to change your mind about anything here," he explains, a small smile softening his words. "I'm just saying for me personally, I don't like the risk you have to place your bets on with relationships. I'd rather much get my heart broken by a one-sided crush than with someone I've devoted a lot of myself to."

Daniel doesn't really have much else to say on that matter because if he's being completely honest with himself, the way Jihoon looks at it sounds a whole lot better than what he's feeling right now two weeks fresh after a breakup.

"Sorry. I completely killed the mood didn't I?" Jihoon says after a while, scratching the back of his neck. "I'd totally understand if you wanna stop talking to me now."

"No, no. It's cool." And just to show how cool he is with it, Daniel flashes him a smile. "I appreciate the honesty. We need more of that in the world."

Jihoon makes a sound between a snort and a laugh with the air that comes out of his nose, smiling back. "Yeah, we do. But maybe not as brutal as I'm being."

"Can't argue with that." Daniel laughs with him, and in an instant the air around him doesn't feel so tight anymore.

"What about you?" Jihoon turns on him again, eyebrows raised. "You got any brutally honest thoughts you're holding back?"

Daniel considers his words for a moment, pilfering through his head for something to say. He's a little surprised that he finds he actually doesn't have to think very hard.

"Since we're at the topic of my failed relationship," he starts, not really sure where he's going with this. "When my girlfriend told me she wanted to call it quits because she didn't want a long-distance relationship, the moment the words came out of her mouth there was this really,_ really _ tiny part in me that felt kind of...relieved? That she wanted us to stop dating. I really want to be a dancer you see, and I figured that with the responsibilities of keeping a relationship out of the way, I won't have any additional baggage to hold me back from reaching my dream."

Daniel takes a breather when the words he just said start to sink in. He's never told anyone that before. Hell, he's never even properly completed that thought structure in his own head until now.

"Well, I guess that should help you move on a bit better then," Jihoon says in a tone that's full of understanding. "Deep down, you were also having the same thoughts as her. She just happened to pull it out faster than you did."

Daniel bites his lips, nodding. Jihoon's right and looking at it now, if they hadn't broken up two weeks ago like they did, he's certain the long-distance relationship will do it for them either way.

"Your turn," Daniel says, throwing a smirk in Jihoon's direction. He faces him in return, squinting his eyes as if in deep thought.

"The first time I ever had sex was with a guy ten years older than me,” he says monotonously, ignoring the surprised look Daniel must have on and just continues. “He had a family. Wife and two kids.”

"No shit," Daniel says, eyes wide with mischievous excitement. "What happened?"

"He worked for my dad. He used to come over to our house a lot even when I was young and sort of became like a close family friend of sorts. Fast forward to the summer before I went off to college, he came over one day while my dad wasn't around. Then one thing led to another and we fucked."

Daniel blinks at him in wonder, unable to keep his jaw from hanging. He’s never heard anything so _ rebellious _ in his life. It takes about two seconds for the wonder to wear off and for his mind to reassess the facts until one thing stands out from the rest of his thoughts that he can’t help but bring up.

"Wait. Did he _ molest _ you??"

Jihoon doesn't answer him right away and just continues smirking at him. The answer he gives after is a mix between his head shaking and his shoulders shrugging.

"I wouldn't exactly call it that. I was years younger than him, yes. But I never once felt I was being coerced into doing something I didn't want,” he says with as much nonchalance as the statement can get. “If anything, _ I _was the one coming on strong to him. He was pretty hot, I have to admit. That summer was the first time we ever did it, and then it just went on again and again every time I went home for break."

"You got caught, didn't you?" Daniel says ahead of him, worry striking his tone when he starts to see where the story is going. "Was it the wife? Your parents? Oh God, please don't tell me it was the kids."

Jihoon laughs at him, the sound carrying a wicked kind of mirth. "Nope. So about two years ago, I kinda found out that I wasn't the _ only _ kid he was sleeping with. He had others— _ younger _ ones—and that just about opened my eyes a bit to what was happening. I mean, for me it was just sex. I didn't let it get too much into my head and it was basically just me letting off steam more than anything. But I couldn't speak for the other kids, and I know not everyone would handle it like I would."

"What did you do?" Daniel asks, extremely curious.

"One day after we did it in their bedroom, I left my cum-stained underwear inside one of his wife's cabinets. I had to go back to campus the next day so I blocked all my contacts with him. Never really saw or heard from him ever again after that."

"Goddamn." Daniel can only blink at him, shaking his head in wonder. "That's so badass—holy shit."

"Your turn." Jihoon winks at him, a chuckle escaping his lips. 

"I don't think I can top that."

"Who says you have to?” Jihoon just waves a dismissive hand at him. “Just say the first honest thing that pops in your head."

"I think your eyes are really pretty."

That causes him to pause and ironically, proceeds to roll his eyes at him. “Seriously?”

“What?” Daniel chuckles innocently. “You said to say the first honest thing that pops up. Not my fault your eyes are beautiful.”

“Flattery doesn’t count,” he says with a jut of his lower lip, although there’s a hint of a smile playing on the corners of them. 

“Okay, fine. Let me think.” For some reason, all of Daniel’s thoughts seem to lead to his ex-girlfriend tonight. It’s probably from all the drinks he’s had, because while other people find comfort in the emotional and mental suppression from alcohol, it works about the complete opposite on him whereby getting drunk is tantamount to being reduced to a pathetic, crying mess. He was careful not to drink too much tonight for that very reason, but it looks like his brain is going ahead of him.

“I think I cheated on my girlfriend once,” he says in a haste, the words practically tripping out of his mouth.

“You _ think _?” Jihoon questions with his eyes, incredulous. “How are you not sure about cheating on someone?”

“It was only one time.” 

“Pshh. That’s what all cheaters say.”

Daniel pouts, ignoring Jihoon’s sarcasm and continues, “So I major in modern dance right? There was one time where I got paired with this guy from my class and the routine we had to do was a bit...sexy.”

“I knew it. Dancers are all flirty-fuckboys."

Daniel snorts, ignoring him again. “My partner and I did the routine flawlessly, but the effect it had on us after was quite..._ hard _. We ended up in the boys' bathroom after class and I let him suck my dick until I came in his mouth.”

Jihoon makes a face, features blown wide in surprise. “Okay, _ that _ I didn’t need to hear. Did your girlfriend know?”

"Of course not. I felt really terrible afterward," Daniel says, as if the statement makes what he did any less bad. "And I found out a few days later that the guy who sucked me off was also in a relationship at the time. So I feel even more horrible for letting my lust control me like that."

"I repeat, dancers are all flirty-fuckboys." Jihoon laughs, and Daniel doesn't even try to deny it. He genuinely does regret doing what he did and he deserves to be called much worse. It must even show on his face because he suddenly feels a hand clap his shoulder. 

"Hey. You're broken up anyway. It doesn't really matter now."

He supposes Jihoon has a point. And it _ was _ quite a long time ago, so he swallows down the guilt like he's so expertly done in the countless times he's felt it. 

"Your turn."

Jihoon pulls his hand back, chewing on his lip as he stares at Daniel. He opens his mouth and immediately closes it, hesitation painting his features. It’s a full minute of silence before Jihoon lets out a sigh and says, "I'm afraid to die alone."

All the repressed guilt Daniel felt a mere two seconds ago with his confession is immediately blown away by Jihoon’s. He didn’t know what he was expecting. Probably something edgy or borderline hilarious, but definitely not something weighted like this.

“Why would you think that?” Daniel asks when Jihoon doesn't say more, his voice low.

“I’m not really good at making friends—or rather, I’m not very good at keeping them,” Jihoon says, his eyes falling to his feet. “I got into university early, so I’m practically younger than a lot of the people I’m constantly around with. That alone is already a huge roadblock. My roommate who's still a sophomore is about the only person in my life right now that I feel like I can call my best friend...but I’m graduating and moving to Seoul soon too, and he still has two more years left here. Knowing my track record, it’d be a miracle if we even greet each other on our birthdays come next year.”

The way Jihoon says this is so factual, so certain as if losing touch with his friend is something that will eventually happen that's beyond his own control. Daniel, for the most part, doesn't get it because he has lots of friends who he keeps in touch with. People he doesn't even see on a regular basis anymore, like his friends from high school.

“I’m used to being alone, and losing a few friends is nothing new to me so it doesn't really bother me that much. But when I think about it long-term, like the inevitable end-of-life for example...I don’t know. It’s kinda depressing to think that I most likely won’t have anyone with me when the time comes.”

When Jihoon finishes, he faces away from him and leans on the ledge to stare at their view of the street again. Daniel is left speechless, yet again, that he doesn't even bother counting how many times Jihoon had blown his words and thoughts away tonight. He wants to say he understands him, but that’d be lying. He wants to say sorry and sympathize with him, but it doesn’t feel like that’s what Jihoon needs to hear right now either.

“I can be your friend,” he says without a sliver of hesitation, but Jihoon only snorts at him.

“Until the night ends? Sure. But I doubt we'll even see each other again by the time we leave this roof."

He says it again like it's another fact, only this time Daniel's afraid to admit that this one might actually be true. He doesn't know Jihoon apart from the few honest truths they've shared here, and they're both graduating in two weeks. Daniel knows what he means. It's not a matter of not being able to see each other again, it's more of the pointlessness of it.

"I ruined the mood again, didn't I?" Jihoon chuckles, throwing him a small smile. "Sorry. I didn't mean to say something heavy."

"It's cool." Daniel shrugs, returning the same smile. "Brutal honesty, right?"

Jihoon just chuckles at him, but Daniel doesn't miss the fact that he's not saying 'your turn' anymore. Sensing their little game to be over, he keeps silent and faces the open air with him instead; staying like that for a while and just enjoying the peace.

Daniel doesn't know how long they stand there when his phone starts vibrating in his pocket, the buzz blaringly audible in the silence. He feels Jihoon side-eyeing him, and the name on the screen elicits an involuntary groan to come out of his chest.

"What?"

_ "I'm drunk." _

"And?"

_ "Danieeeeel!" _

He sighs, and he looks at Jihoon who he sees is promptly holding back a smile.

"I'll meet you by the entrance. If you have to puke, do it before I get there." He hangs up, cutting off Jaehwan and the loud noise coming from his end.

"The things we do for our best friends, huh?" Jihoon says, shaking his head.

"Tell me about it." Daniel picks up his empty cup and stares back at Jihoon for a few seconds. He feels somewhat bad for leaving all of a sudden, but then he reminds himself that they're practically strangers who just happened to play a game of confessions with each other in the small time they shared. He shouldn’t be feeling like he’s ditching someone important.

"I'm not gonna jump, Daniel." Jihoon smiles at him, cutting the tension he didn't even know was there. "Go. I'll see you around."

He tries not to delude himself too much that there's a slight hopeful lilt when Jihoon says that and just nods and waves at him on his way back to the stairwell.

"Bye, Jihoon," he says in finality. “It was...umm, nice to talk to you.”

“Likewise.” Jihoon nods at him, raising his hand in a small wave when he finally leaves the roof.

On his way down the stairs and through the throngs of drunk, sweaty, classmen; Daniel can't help but notice how there's a tender kind of lightness in his chest that even brings a small spring in his step. He smiles, and for the first time in two weeks, he doesn't feel weighed down by a breakup that feels like a lifetime ago.

It could’ve been fate that brought him to Jihoon that night, a play by whoever God decided that it was time for their paths to cross in the world. Daniel didn’t think much of it really—after all it was just a party, and he literally meets dozens of new people every time he goes to one—so even if Jihoon was probably the most interesting person he’s ever met during his time in university, it wouldn’t be until much later that he realizes these things don’t happen by chance alone.

In retrospect, he ought to have realized it much sooner. In more specific terms, it’s two weeks before graduation, three days after the party everyone’s still talking about, and on the day Jaehwan is a little more annoying than usual.

“Rise and shine, Danny-boy. It’s noon,” Jaehwan sing-songs to him and harshly pulls away his covers to blind him with afternoon light.

“Gah! Turn it off!”

“That’s the sun you doofus. Now, up.”

He gets a slap on the thigh, which only results in him falling off his bed when he failingly tries to retaliate. Jaehwan just bellows from the other side of the room, laughing at his groggy ass.

“I’m still catching up with all the sleep I Iost in the past four years. Is that too much to ask?” He whines from the ground, his words muffled by the carpeted floor pressing onto his cheek while eyeing Jaehwan through his reflection in the mirror. “Why are you all dressed up for? We don’t even have classes anymore.”

“I’m meeting a friend over at the chicken place nearby for lunch,” he says in the middle of fixing his hair.

“Date?”

“God, no.” Jaehwan makes a face. “He’s just a guy I had a few classes with this final semester.”

“Whatever you say.” Daniel grunts, finally picking himself off the floor and proceeding to make his bed. He’s vaguely aware that Jaehwan just turned on his spot and is now staring at him.

“Hey, do you wanna come with?” He asks, eyes suddenly glinting with something Daniel is all too familiar with.

“Are you seriously asking me to third-wheel right now?”

“It’s _ not _ a date,” he says, rolling his eyes. “I actually owe the guy ‘cause I kinda bailed on him a few days ago so I’m treating him to lunch to make up for it. He kinda hates me right now, and he’s kinda scary when he’s mad.”

“How is that my problem?” Daniel deadpans, fluffing his pillows in ignorance. “This is good. You’re finally learning a lesson on good manners and how not to flake on people. I should thank this scary, mad friend of yours.”

“I forget sometimes okay! C’mon, man! I’m less likely to get killed if there's another person with me.”

“No.”

“Danieeeeel!”

“Whining won’t get you anywhere Jaehwan.”

“Then how about I treat you for lunch too? Just _ please _ come with me.”

Daniel sighs, finally turning to look at his friend who is now literally on the floor begging. He runs a hand over his face, grunting when he knows he’s probably going to regret this later. “Alright, alright—”

“Yes!”

“Only because you’re paying! And don’t expect me to go easy on your wallet.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jaehwan waves at him dismissively, already dropping the desperate act and opening their shared closet. “Now hurry and put on some clothes. We’re gonna be late and I do _ not _ want to give him more reasons to be angry.”

Which is precisely how, in ten minutes time, Daniel finds himself walking beside Jaehwan over to the most frequented chicken place near campus in nothing but his sweats, completely unshowered and with some of his hair still sticking up in places it shouldn’t. He really doesn’t care all that much to be perfectly honest, and the prospect of free food really is the only thing pulling him to enter the small joint—that is until he and Jaehwan enter the place and he gets led to a table and his brain literally freezes every other thought process save for what’s in front of him.

“You’re late,” the guy sitting in front of them says in a deep, almost menacing voice. His eyes don’t even leave the game he’s playing on his phone.

“I know, I'm sorry. My friend here wanted to come along and he took a while to get ready.”

Daniel doesn’t even have the brain capacity to care about what Jaehwan just said or smack him in the head for it, because in the next moment when Jihoon finally looks up and their eyes meet, everything else just stops. The gears in his head, his heart, even time feels like it goes on a stand-still in a hilarious sort of way when he sees the scowl Jihoon's probably practiced putting up disappear in an instant; replaced with clear recognition leaving him to stare back in shock.

“Jihoon, this is Kang Daniel. Daniel, Park Jihoon,” Jaehwan says, gesturing between them and completely oblivious to the manic tension both their gazes hold. Daniel’s the first one to gather his wits, showing off a knowing smile before extending a hand.

“Hi Jihoon. Nice to meet you.”

He gets a few more seconds of a blank stare before Jihoon manages to compose himself; clearing his throat and visibly blinking hard as if to make sure he’s seeing right. "Hi. Nice to meet you too," he says in the same tone, flashing his own smile and shaking his hand.

“Okay, great! You two just sit tight and hit it off while I go order our food,” Jaehwan says before stepping back and walking over to the counter. Daniel barely notices his leave, unable to keep the smile off his face when he sits down across his 'newfound' friend.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself."

Jihoon looks a lot different now than he did that night at the roof three nights ago. Daniel has to admit, whatever image his memory had been supplying him with in regards to the person in front of him up until this moment doesn’t really do him any justice. He has his hair down now, and in the daylight he actually looks a lot younger and—dare he say _ softer _—than what he remembers. The only thing he feels that isn't any different are his eyes; they're still as pretty and full of depth as ever.

“I guess you were wrong then,” Daniel finds himself saying, eliciting a curious quirk of an eyebrow from Jihoon.

“About what?”

“About us not seeing each other again after we leave that roof.”

That gets him a laugh, a hearty one with a full flash of teeth. “I guess I was. Unless you’re actually stalking me and you somehow knew I would be here today.”

“Hey, I didn’t even know your last name until now!”

“Or so you say,” Jihoon says, playfully narrowing his eyes at him. “This is just too big a coincidence, don’t you think?”

“Maybe.” Daniel purses his lips, narrowing his eyes. “Or maybe _ you’re _the stalker and you're putting the label on me to hide the fact that you actually invited Jaehwan here knowing he’d pull me along to see you. Yeah, that sounds about right.”

Jihoon laughs at that, the same kind he let out when he laughed at him for thinking he was committing suicide whereby all his teeth show and his hand flies up to cover them. Daniel finds that it’s very easy to catch it himself.

"So, how do you know Jaehwan-hyung?”

“Hyung?” Daniel doesn’t even bother trying to hide his smile anymore and just full-on grins. “You’re younger than us?” 

It leaves Jihoon speechless, his lips clamping down in a tight line. Daniel vaguely remembers him saying he got into university early and he only grins wider.

“Jaehwan and I are the same age. He’s my roommate, slash best friend since high school, slash the drunk idiot I had to take home from the party that night," he answers, not missing the flash of understanding passing through the other's face. 

"Well that makes sense," Jihoon says, leaning forward with his elbows on the table. "I think I'm beginning to understand Jaehwan-hyung's party habits. _ He's _ the guy who invited me to go in the first place but never showed up."

"And I said I was sorry, okay!" The devil speaks, bringing with him a tray with four boxes of chicken wings and three large sodas. "I'm even apologizing with chicken. Happy now?"

That's when Daniel sees something that never in his wildest dreams did he ever think he would see: Jihoon stretching his face into a taut smile when he grabs the two boxes of chicken, bobbing his head side to side and in a little voice says, "Thank you Jjaeni!"

Daniel almost chokes. And he hasn't even put anything in his mouth yet.

"He does that sometimes. You'll get used to it," Jaehwan says offhandedly, grabbing his own box of chicken. "Don't let it fool you though. Beneath all this cuteness is the soul of a devil."

Daniel lets out a soft laugh, thinking how Jaehwan probably couldn't be any more right. There's really nothing cute and innocent about Jihoon beneath the surface.

"So, are you also in performing arts?" Daniel asks him after they've started eating the first few pieces of their chicken wings. "Jaehwan told me you two shared classes together."

Jihoon shakes his head a little, eyes focused on his food. "Just some minor subjects. Not really performing like you guys. I major in communication arts."

Daniel nods. It fits him, he thinks. Jihoon talks in a way that seems like he knows all the right words to use. 

"We got paired to work on a project together the first time I met him," Jaehwan says, nudging Daniel's arm. "Remember when I told you about the genius prodigy in my class who skipped three grades?"

Daniel's eyes widen, head snapping to Jihoon. "_ You're _ the genius?"

Jihoon just blinks, popping a piece of chicken meat in his mouth when he shrugs.

"That's why he's three years younger than us _ and _ graduating. With freakin' honors!"

"Damn."

"Oh stop, you're making me blush." Jihoon deadpans, rolling his eyes. 

"Cute, funny, _ and _smart. I feel so unworthy sitting here right now," Daniel says, not missing how Jihoon only eyes him with that comment and bites off another piece of meat. 

"Don't go there Niel. He'll slit your throat when you're not looking." Jaehwan warns him, and they both laugh when Jihoon just proceeds to give him the biggest smile he can make.

They all just go about finishing their food then, and Daniel silently thanks Jaehwan in his head; not just for the food, but for forcing him out of bed and go out today. It's most probably in part of Jihoon being here because he wasn't really sure about it that night on the roof. Now he realizes that he genuinely does want to be friends with the guy. 

"You doing anything after this?" He asks him when all that's left on their table are boxes full of chicken bones.

"Nothing really. Unless you count staying in bed all day and playing games on my phone."

Daniel doesn't know what comes over him, but he finds he has no control over what comes out of his mouth next. “Do you wanna come over to our dorm? I got a console and a few co-op games. We can play together.”

Out of the two of them, Jaehwan’s the one who gives him a more surprised look. Which probably isn't _ totally _ uncalled for considering he now just realizes that their room is an actual pigsty at the moment and that Daniel himself hasn’t even showered since waking up. 

“Oh.” Jihoon blinks. “Umm, sure. If you guys don’t mind.” 

Daniel just smiles at him, while Jaehwan sighs and hangs his head on the way out, saying, “There goes my afternoon of peace and quiet.”

Which is another completely warranted statement when they both find out later that Jihoon is a very, _ very _ competitive gamer who yells in his surprisingly deep voice like he lives in a deserted mountain. And much to Jaehwan’s dismay, Daniel gaming habits isn’t far from that description either.

"Ha!"

"Rematch! You were cheating!"

"Hey it's not _ my _fault you can't accelerate and turn without crashing!"

"You pushed my rear bumper to the curb!!"

"You were in the way!"

"GUYS! You two are literally sitting on the same bean bag! Shut the hell up!"

It happens without anyone ever really noticing, but the friendship that builds inside the four walls of Daniel and Jaehwan’s tiny dorm room is by no means unapparent. Jihoon has been over more times in the last two weeks alone than any of their other friends in the past four years of university. Daniel’s Xbox probably plays a huge part in it, but so do the movies on Jaehwan’s laptop and the junk food Jihoon likes to bring everytime he drops by. 

It’s the kind of click that happens rarely in life, the one that feels a lot like finding the perfect jigsaw piece to fit into one of your corners. There are nights Daniel lays in his bed thinking to himself why he hasn’t met Jihoon sooner, and why they’re only becoming friends now when they’ve literally been breathing the same air for the past four years. It feels grand—enchanted in some way—and yet, at the peak of all these thoughts sits one of the things Jihoon’s told him that first night at the roof.

_ ‘I’m not very good at keeping friends’ _ he’d said. That may be true, but Daniel smiles to himself knowing that something like that works both ways. Even if Jihoon did find it hard to keep people around, that isn't the case for Daniel and he sure as hell isn’t planning on losing a particular someone anytime soon.

It’s two days before graduation when it all solidifies into something harder and seemingly more permanent. Jaehwan's been out of campus for the past four days since his parents are in town, which only leaves the two of them together to hang out. Jihoon's over at their room again, lying chest down on one of the beanbags at the foot of Jaehwan's bed and furiously typing at his laptop while Daniel beside him focuses on killing a dragon on his console.

“You know there are other ways to break a computer that doesn’t involve angry typing,” Daniel says absentmindedly, eyes still trained on the TV screen. When the dragon he’s been dueling for the past ten minutes finally decides to swoop in and eat his character, he sighs in defeat leans his elbow to rest on Jihoon’s back. “What are you doing? Arguing with someone on Reddit?”

Jihoon just huffs his breath, the movement causing Daniel to shift a little. “I wish my problems were as trivial as online arguments. I’m sending a very angry email to my landlord.”

“Oh. Why? Do you wanna go to the admin office for some help? I think they’re still open.”

“Not for my dorm.” Jihoon shakes his head, knocking Daniel back a bit when he finally sits up properly. “It’s for the apartment I’m supposed to move in to in Seoul. Apparently, my landlord ‘forgot’ that I already reserved the room three weeks ago and just handed it over to another tenant this morning.” 

“What?” Daniel rounds on him, peeking at his laptop. “Did you already pay?”

“Well...not really. But he promised to secure the unit until I got there.” He scratches his head in frustration, leaving his hair even bushier than usual. “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted this bastard. Where the hell am I gonna find a decent apartment in less than three days?”

Daniel blinks at him, feeling a huge smile forming on his face when the problem begins to pass through his wall of comprehension. Jihoon notices this and narrows his eyes at him, scowling.

“Why are you smiling? You think this is funny?”

“Just a little.” Daniel bites down his lower lip, earning him a deeper frown.

“And what, pray tell, is so funny about me being homeless then?”

Daniel lets out a soft chuckle just before he sits up straight and composes himself. “I’m moving to Seoul too, remember? And I happen to have an apartment all to myself.”

The meaning he intends to put out doesn’t seem to be clear, because all Jihoon does is scowl at him more and slap is bicep.

“Ow!”

“If you’re just going to gloat then I’m leaving,” he says, shutting his laptop closed and getting up from the floor. 

“I was gonna ask if you wanted to move in with me.”

That ultimately freezes Jihoon in his tracks, his hand floating just a few inches over the doorknob. It takes a few seconds before he faces Daniel again, eyebrows raised in question.

“It’s a studio apartment near central. My mom and I have been saving up for it for over a year now and I already have the keys.” Daniel smiles, taking Jihoon’s silence as a good sign. “It’s not _ that _ big, but it’s definitely bigger than this room. I’m sure we can fit.”

He can see Jihoon contemplating, chewing on his lower lip as he sits back down across from him. “Are you sure?”

“I’m already offering, aren’t I?” 

It doesn’t bring out a smile like he hoped it would, only more hesitation marked by the dip in his brows and the stutter in his tone. “I know but—you got your own apartment in the first place so that you wouldn’t have to share it with someone. I don’t wanna ruin that for you.”

“Jihoon—”

“It’s okay. I’m sure I can find one for myself—”

“Jihoon-ah.” Daniel places a hand on his shoulder, cutting him off. “I wouldn’t be offering if I wasn’t sure. And if you’re worried about ridding me of my own place, Jaehwan and I were actually supposed to share until his parents surprised him with his own place. It’s totally cool.” He smiles, taking a mental note to remind Jaehwan later to say the same thing if Jihoon asks him. 

“Well...if you’re sure. Maybe I can stay for a couple of weeks. Just until I find my own place.”

Daniel rolls his eyes but smiles either way. That’s the best he can get from him for now.

“There’s only one bed though,” Daniel says, suddenly remembering. “It’s queen-sized so I’m sure we can fit. But if you’re not comfortable we can take turns on the couch.”

Jihoon finally breaks into a smile, matching Daniel's as this new development sinks in for both of them. They've only known each other for two weeks in a very unlikely kind of meeting that somehow started a butterfly effect. Daniel just got himself a new roommate, and Jihoon now has someone who won't disappear on him. 

"I'll take the couch then."


	2. Treacherous

"Wow.” Jihyo breathes out. Her chin on her hands while she leans forward on their table. "I can't believe you guys started living together in just two weeks. Even_ we _ didn't go that fast."

"That's because we moved in as friends, Jihyo," Daniel says, rolling his eyes. "Jihoon and I weren't together-_together_yet. It's different."

"Mhmm." Jihyo ignores him in favor of opening the second bottle of whiskey they have on the table. "I bet you two started sucking each other off the moment Jaehwan was out of the picture."

"It's good to know you still have so much faith in me. I'm flattered." Daniel deadpans, putting his shot glass forward for Jihyo to pour into. He knows it's a joke, just a few thrown words to keep the conversation light. But her earlier comment does spark a bit of truth in it. And for all intents and purposes, he and Jihoon could've actually been—like Jihyo said, 'sucking each other off', and it probably wouldn't have made much of a difference.

Even if they did it as just friends at the time, Daniel knows that moving in together had been too fast. Whether or not he even knew that he would fall for the guy. And like in almost everything in the world, things that start off too fast have a tendency to end fast too.

"Is that why you didn't want us moving in together?" Jihyo asks, pulling the thought right out of his brain as she so easily does.

"One of the reasons." Daniel drinks to that, immediately tapping his empty glass for her to refill.

"Okay so, if you moved in as friends, when did you start having feelings for him?" She asks, genuine curiosity painting her face as she serves up their glasses. The question isn't a hard one to answer, Daniel thinks, but he drinks down to it all the same.

***

It was sometime during the late summer when Daniel finds himself standing outside the broadcast station building under the shade of one of the trees near the main entrance. He scrolls through the messages in his phone idly while he waits, popping another gummy bear in his mouth while bopping his head to the track playing on his earphones. 

He finishes listening to two more songs before he finally sees a familiar mop of blonde hair exiting the building. Daniel stuffs his phone and gummies in his bag pocket, watching Jihoon wave goodbye and bow to some of the people he’d walked out with before turning to face him in his usual waiting spot with a huge grin. Daniel catches it, grinning back.

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself,” Jihoon says once he reaches him, quickly taking a glance on his phone. “Sorry, did you wait long?”

“Not really. I knew you were gonna be a while today so I passed by the food street on my way here.” Daniel zips open his bag at that, handing Jihoon a wrapped pastry. “I got you a pretzel. Pre-dinner snack.”

“Oh man, thanks. I haven’t eaten all day.” Jihoon smiles the moment he opens it and the smell of his warm pretzel fills him up, taking a large bite as they start walking.

“I told you not to skip lunch. What? Too nervous?”

Jihoon chews innocently, shrugging. “I wasn’t hungry.”

“Well, that’s a first.” Daniel chuckles at him, getting a playful nudge on the rib. “C’mon, don’t hold out on me! Tell me everything.”

Jihoon swallows another bite of his pretzel first before he looks up at Daniel with a huge grin. It’s been four months since they moved to the city after graduation and started working on the first levels of their dream jobs; Daniel being an assistant choreographer for a small entertainment company, and Jihoon being a junior editor in one of Seoul’s biggest radio stations.

It's also been the same amount of time of them living together, enough for Daniel to learn a lot about his roommate and immediately pick up on the pure, unadulterated happiness seeping off of him right now. The grin that shows all his teeth, the soft laugh that comes out in between his words. It's contagious.

"Ten minutes before we went on air I was _ so _ nervous that my whole body was shaking." He laughs, shaking his head. "I haven't been that nervous in a long time. Sungwoon-hyung thought I was having a panic attack."

Daniel can almost picture it. Jihoon had been jittery and near his wits end the moment the excitement bubbled down after he'd been told at work that he was going to be Sungwoon's co-host today on an interview segment for the afternoon radio. It's his very first show, a huge feat for someone his age considering he's only been with the company for a few months. Nothing less of the prodigy that he is, Daniel thinks.

"The moment the red light blinked and Sungwoon-hyung did the introductions though, I felt a lot better." Jihoon continues, nodding to himself. "It didn't feel too different from all the rehearsals I did with you back home. And it was so much fun getting to actually say the script I wrote."

Daniel beams at him, putting an arm over his shoulder and giving it a small squeeze. "See, what did I say. I knew you'd do great."

Jihoon just chuckles some more, taking another bite of his pretzel. "I can't wait to do it again. Our recording producers said I did well too and if I kept at it, I can keep co-hosting with Sungwoon-hyung."

"Woah, for real? That's awesome!"

Jihoon just shrugs, but Daniel knows more than anyone how he's probably over the moon with joy right now.

"I know it was just because the regular co-host went on leave today, and it wasn't even that big of a segment on the day's lineup and not a lot of people probably even tuned in but—"

"Hey, I listened in," Daniel says smugly, a hand going to his chest. "And I thought it was pretty damn interesting."

Jihoon laughs at him, playfully punching him in the ribs again. "You don't even know who the author we interviewed was. Or the books he wrote."

"Yeah but I knew the interviewers." He winks at him, pulling him in for another arm-hug. "And one of them is my best friend so how can I _ not _ be interested?"

"I'll make sure to tell Sungwoon-hyung that." Jihoon laughs, and Daniel just rolls his eyes at him when Jihoon goes to poke his cheek "We should celebrate hyung. C'mon, let's go to that popular ramen place you like so much. My treat."

"Just one show and your shoulders are already touching the sky, huh?" That gets him another punch and a full grin of laughter. "You know I'd say yes to that in a heartbeat any day Hoon-ah, but I'm kinda tired from my dance session earlier and I was kinda hoping we could just order takeout."

"Oh." Jihoon pouts a little, huffing his breath. “Okay, sure. We’ll just celebrate some other time.”

Daniel puts a hand on top of Jihoon’s head, patting his hair. “Sorry, Hoon-ah.”

“It’s okay. Take-out means we can order fried chicken. No love lost.” Jihoon winks, laughing at Daniel who only shakes his head.

They spend the rest of the way home during their bus ride talking; Jihoon re-telling everything that went down at the studio today before, during, and after his show, and Daniel sharing with him the details of the hard-beat choreography he’s working on for his company. An evening like this has sort of become a routine now, with Daniel clocking off half an hour earlier than Jihoon’s schedule which he then uses to make the short walk over to the broadcast station’s building so they can go home together. Living together had actually been a good decision, and this routine they have going on together becomes the perfect opportunity to keep Jihoon engrossed in talking that leaves him vulnerable and completely distracted once they reach their apartment and open their front door.

“SURPRISE!”

A pop of confetti and four loud voices yelling in unison makes Daniel laugh when he sees Jihoon jump a foot high in the air with his hands immediately forming into fists for defense. It takes him a few seconds, eyes scanning the faces of Jaehwan, Sungwoon, Jinyoung, and Woojin before he too yells in his deep voice and crushes the last two people in the group in a bear hug.

“What the fuck?! What the _ actual _fuck?!” He says, pushing his two friends at arm's length while everyone else laughs at the exchange. “What are you guys doing here?!”

“You didn’t think we’d miss your first day of being a radio host did you?” Woojin tells him, all smiles when he crushes Jihoon in his arms again.

“And you!” Jihoon pulls back and points a finger at Sungwoon. “I _ literally _ just said goodbye to you at work earlier! How the hell did you get here so fast?”

“There’s this really fast mode of transport called a ‘taxi’ Jihoon-ah,” Sungwoon says, coming forward to extend his own hug.

“What the fuck—how did—when did you guys—_ fuck.” _Jihoon breathes out, eliciting another round of laughter from everyone as his eyes finally scan the room to see all the balloons, party streamers, and platters of food spread out on his and Daniel’s kitchen counter where a banner hangs overhead on the cupboards with huge bold letters spelling out ‘Congratulations Jihoon!’.

“C’mon guys, someone give him a piece of fried chicken before his brain shuts down,” Jaehwan says before he turns the speakers on to start their little party.

They all give Jihoon a happy clap on the back, opening the bottles of soju Sungwoon brings out from the fridge before starting to dig into the food. Daniel watches Jihoon from behind the counter as he helps himself to some japchae, smiling at the animated chatter between him, Woojin, and Jinyoung where they’re sat on the couch and catching up.

“So did I do a great job, or did I do a great job?” Jaehwan gloats, walking over to him and passing him his apartment keys inconspicuously before gesturing to the party decor around their apartment.

“It’s awesome man. I can’t thank you enough.”

“You know, when you told me to work with whatever it is you bought as decorations, I honestly thought you just bought a few balloons and shit. I didn’t expect you to go all out like this.”

Daniel just shrugs, slurping his noodles. “It’s a big day. You’d do the same if you were his roommate.”

“Yeah, I don’t know about that.” Jaehwan snorts, wrinkling his nose in feigned disgust. “I’d probably just buy him a broccoli salad. Which I did, by the way. It’s in the fridge. Make sure he eats it.”

Daniel laughs at that, eyes finding its way back to their living area where Sungwoon had joined Jihoon’s little circle. Jaehwan follows his gaze, nodding.

“From here he doesn’t look like the little devilish imp that he is, doesn’t he?” He says, all teasing and fondness in his tone.

Daniel purses his lips into a smile, nodding in agreement. He’s still playing back the smile Jihoon had on earlier back at the station, and the one from just a few minutes ago when he saw both his friends from university. It's addicting, how much making the other boy happy fills him with the same kind of happiness.

"Hyungs!" Jihoon calls to the both of them, snapping him out of his thoughts. "Come here, we're going to play games!"

Their little celebration of eating all of Jihoon's favorite food, playing drinking games with Jenga blocks, and the endless chatter lasts until just before midnight when Woojin and Jinyoung have to go to catch the last train back to Busan. Everyone else follows soon after, giving Jihoon some final congratulatory pats on the back as he sees them to the door and thanks them for coming.

"We'll come visit again after our midterms. We can go to Lotte World!" Woojin says, hugging Jihoon one last time.

"And I'll see you two next week for movie night," Jaehwan says pointing to the two of them. "Congratulations again Jihoon-ah. See you, Niel!"

Daniel waves at his friends from the kitchen where he's putting all their leftovers in storage containers. He's just about done when Jihoon finally closes the front door and joins to help him load the stuff in their fridge.

"Looks like we won't have to cook anything this weekend," Daniel says when he looks at how loaded it is, nodding appreciatively before closing the door. He turns to see Jihoon leaning against the counter behind him, arms crossed with a sly smile playing on his face.

"So," he starts, tilting his head to the side as he stares at Daniel.

"So."

Jihoon continues to just stare at him, in that quiet way that looks like he’s slowly trying to digest something. A full minute passes before he speaks again. "A little bird told me that a certain someone was the mastermind of this entire surprise party tonight," he says, continuing his gaze of scrutiny.

"And you believe this little bird?" Daniel challenges him, smirking and pushing himself off of the kitchen to start taking down some of the party streamers in the living room. Jihoon follows him.

"Maybe. Although I doubt _ you _ were the one who put up all this,” he says, gesturing to all the party decorations.

“Nothing escapes that sharp brain of yours, huh?” Daniel laughs, nodding and raising both hands in arrest. “You have Jaehwan to thank for this.” He goes back to untying the balloons attached to their dining chairs then, a little surprised when Jihoon suddenly stands beside him catching his hand to help him with the task.

“What about for all of my favorite food being served tonight? Or for the fact that my two friends from college were suddenly here in our apartment?” Jihoon says, cocking his head to the side and staring at his face. Daniel just smiles and looks down at their fingers, twined between the string of the balloon they’re holding. “Woojin told me you even paid for their train tickets since they couldn’t splurge on their allowance yet.”

Daniel snaps his head up at that, eyes wide in surprise. “I told them not to tell you!”

Jihoon chuckles at him, shaking his head. “Then you have to know that my friends aren’t really the best at keeping secrets.”

“Duly noted.” Daniel nods, keeping in a slight chuckle. He’s about to let go of the balloon to move on to the next one until Jihoon deftly loops the string around his finger, holding him in place.

“You didn’t have to go through all this trouble, you know,” he says, his voice dropping down to a bare whisper. “But you did. I already felt like the happiest person in the world at work earlier, but you made this day even better for me...and I really appreciate that. Thank you, hyung.”

Daniel can feel a steady warmth spreading through his chest at Jihoon’s words as he watches him stare at their fingers together. His conversation with Jaehwan from earlier comes back to him, what he said about making Jihoon happy. Right now just proves how much he can’t think of that being any more true. “You’re welcome, Jihoon-ah.”

Jihoon nods, smiling at him as he finally lets Daniel’s finger go. “C’mon, the least I can do is help you clean up.”

He grabs one of their chairs then, dragging it towards the kitchen and using it to prop himself up to where Jaehwan hung his congratulatory banner. Daniel sees the hazard before it even happens when Jihoon tries reaching up their cupboards on his tiptoes with his socks still on and sure enough, he loses his balance in seconds—slipping and panickingly grabbing at anything his hands can land on before he falls off the chair.

If his reflexes didn’t kick in just in time and he moved a second later than he did, Daniel would probably be taking an injured Jihoon to the nearest emergency room in the worst-case scenario. But he’s fast, and in comparison to Jihoon’s size, his body serves as the perfect landing cushion for his roommate right before he hits the floor.

All his breath is effectively knocked out of him though, and the impact on his back and the blunt limb he feels pressing below his rib isn’t the most pleasant of experiences. He’s probably going to have to nurse the bruising he feels on his elbows come morning—and his tailbone too while he’s at it.

“Shit. Niel I’m sorry are you—”

Daniel opens his eyes then, unaware that he even had them closed, only for his vision land stock on Jihoon’s face hovering a few inches above his own. For another second all his breath escapes him again, only it’s more from the dawning realization of the position they’re both in rather than from the fall itself. If Daniel had the capacity to even formulate a coherent thought, he would’ve been able to notice that he’s not alone in this out-of-breath experience. He can literally _ feel _Jihoon’s breathing stutter to a halt down to where their chests connect, his mouth hanging open at the sudden loss of words as their gazes hold them in place.

His body is frozen, his mind too caught up and mesmerized at how he can clearly see his own reflection inside Jihoon’s dark orbs; too transfixed by a stare that feels intrusive and demure at the same time. His vision is overwhelmed by the image of Jihoon’s blonde hair looking a little wild with strips of party streamers running through them, plus the stunned expression he has on that’s giving him this look of utter innocence he didn't know his friend was even capable of having. 

Besides the onslaught on visuals, Daniel can also smell Jihoon from his place underneath him. The scent of his cottony perfume, soft and reminiscent of the mornings when he enters their shared bathroom after Jihoon finishes his shower. The sweetness of it intermingling with the slight spice of alcohol coming from the breath he feels wafting across his face. 

It’s overwhelming—completely intoxicating—that he loses all sense of body and time as his entire being concentrates and focuses on only one thing.

“S-sorry.” Jihoon’s the first one to break the trance, jerking upwards and rolling himself away from Daniel’s body before getting up and offering a hand to help him. It takes him a few seconds to get his bearings and pull himself up as well, only to come up to an atmosphere thick with awkwardness than that of the ground.

“Are you okay?” Jihoon asks him, and Daniel has to fight really hard not to look into his eyes in fear of getting lost in them again and instead forces himself to stare at a loose piece of confetti sitting on Jihoon’s head.

“Y-yeah. I’m good,” he mumbles. “You?”

Jihoon nods, jerking his thumb back. “I should—umm...probably stick to cleaning up places I can actually reach.”

“Good idea.” It lifts the awkward haze a little when Daniel lets out a laugh, but it doesn’t completely expel it from the air around them. He can feel it lingering, which then results in them having to clean their apartment in relative silence and each on the opposite ends of the room. Daniel’s a little thankful to be perfectly honest, because the quiet gives him a bit of time to think about _ why _it’s gotten awkward in the first place and whatever that little staring contest was that just happened.

He plays it back in his head and he feels his heart beating at a rate that shouldn’t be normal considering their earlier circumstance. Jihoon fell and he caught him just in time. He prevented an accident is all it was and there shouldn’t be any reason for him to feel so emotionally shaken up like this. Most of all, he definitely shouldn’t be stuck thinking about the image of Jihoon hovering above him with his doe-like eyes blown wide in surprise and his lips slightly parted and—

_ Damn it. _

Daniel shakes his head, banishing the thoughts away. What the hell is he thinking? Did he take a hit back there? He cards a hand through his hair to feel his head for anything out of the ordinary, blinking twice—thrice—to make sure his brain is working fine. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

His heart jumps at Jihoon’s voice and he snaps his head to where he’s watching him on the other side of the room. He has a worried look on, a slight frown creasing down his eyebrows.

“Y-yeah. I’m just—umm...feeling a bit sleepy.”

“Oh.” Jihoon’s mouth automatically forms a pout when he says that, and Daniel's sure he almost gets a nervous breakdown right then and there. “You should go shower then. I’ll finish up here.”

Normally he wouldn’t let him do all the work, but the idea of being in a separate room right now feels too much of a salvation to pass up on. Maybe a shower is all he needs anyway to get some of his senses back, so he nods and heads for the bathroom with every intent of washing his wayward thoughts away.

It doesn’t help.

If anything, all his time alone in the bathroom managed to do was get him even more worked up than he previously was. He settles on their couch when Jihoon takes his turn to bathe and he uses that time to try and distract himself by playing a game on his phone. The method somehow works for him, if only a little _ too _well that he doesn’t even notice when Jihoon comes back out and stands in front of him.

“Do you wanna take the bed tonight?”

He looks up from his screen to see him patting his hair dry, face still all dewey and raw from his shower. Daniel feels his mouth go dry. "Umm, it's your turn tonight right?"

"Well...yeah. But you said you had a tough routine at work today and I figured you’d be tired. I just thought we could switch so you can sleep better." He shrugs, the normalcy of that statement enough to get Daniel some of his wits back to casually wave him off.

"I'm okay Hoon-ah. You know better than anyone that I can practically fall asleep anywhere."

Jihoon pouts at him. It’s normal because they've had this conversation way too many times in the past for Daniel not to know the pattern this is headed towards. Jihoon feeling guilty because he argues that this is _ still _technically Daniel's apartment; and him reminding Jihoon that he pays half the bills for the place anyway which entitles him to just as much, if not everything, as he is. Even after four months of living together, they still get into this same cycle every now and then that it's sort of just funny now, and Daniel knows for a fact that the debate will most likely never end until someone concedes.

"Tell you what," he starts, raising his hands in surrender. "Why don't we just share the bed together. That way it's both fair."

He realizes the implication of his words too late, his eyes widening a bit when what he just said hits him. Jihoon looks just as surprised too, but ends up nodding anyway.

“Umm...okay. Sounds fair”

Maybe he shouldn’t have gone for fairness, especially when regret comes to bite him in the ass sooner than he thinks. It's half an hour later when they're both settled and ready to crash that Daniel feels—for the very first time in his life—the foreign affliction of _ not _being able to sleep. He's had his eyes closed for what feels like forever but to no avail, simply laying there facing the other end of the bed and feeling extremely hyper aware of the presence of the other body lying not even two feet away from him as if the mattress is extending his sense of touch.

Thoughts of moving to the couch linger in his head far longer than necessary, especially when he knows it's already too late and definitely a bad idea. He's being totally ridiculous. This is Jihoon, one of his best friends. And it's not like this is the first time they’re sharing the bed together. They've slept side by side countless of times in the past without it being a big deal. So why the hell does it feel that way now?

"I can hear you thinking, you know."

Daniel freezes when the sound of Jihoon’s voice penetrates the silence, deep and foreboding, yet level enough to let him know that he’s not the only one having trouble sleeping. Holding his breath, he slowly turns to peek behind him only to come face to face with Jihoon in a proximity not unlike their earlier predicament. He's smirking, the fringe of his hair forming a loose curtain over his half-lidded eyes.

"Something bothering you?" Jihoon asks, his voice a soft whisper. One of the things he's come to know about his roommate for the past few months is that he's very skilled at reading at other people. Him, most especially.

"Umm...no, I just—"

"Liar." Jihoon chuckles, the air he exhales blowing across Daniel's face. He smells of mint, with just a hint of peach.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asks again after a brief pause, and Daniel has to fight hard to remain as stoic as possible. He tries to look for any signs on Jihoon's face if he means what he thinks he means; if he knows what's really going on in his head and is merely not pushing him until Daniel says it himself. Alas, Jihoon's face reveals nothing.

"It's nothing Hoon-ah. M'just tired." He shakes his head, almost certain that Jihoon can tell he's still lying. Thankfully though, as much as he can read through Daniel like an open book, he never pushes him to say anything he doesn't want to.

"Can I ask you something then?" Jihoon says, his lips curling into a small smile. Daniel can only nod at this point, willing his heart to calm down in an attempt to prepare himself for what he feels coming.

“Do you believe in destiny?”

The question comes out sounding so natural despite how unprecedented it is that Daniel has to give himself a few seconds to properly process it. “Umm—in what context are we talking about here?”

Jihoon merely shrugs. “Just in general.”

“Oh. Well, I guess I do? I mean, not extremely but, I like to think everything happens for a reason,” Daniel answers honestly, nodding. “Why'd you ask?”

Jihoon ponders it for a moment, taking his time in what Daniel thinks is him probably making sense of the words in his head first. "You know me. I'm not really the type of person who believes in stuff like that. Luck, fate, basically all that kind of crap. I like to believe that we all have some degree of control over everything in our lives, no matter how big or small it is,” he says with a shrug, chuckling softly. "But lately...especially with days like today—I don't know." He pauses, his tongue sticking out for a second to wet his lips while his eyes continue to bore into Daniel's. 

"I keep thinking about it, about how things would've turned out if Woojin hadn't brought that girl over to our dorm that night back before we graduated. Like, what would have happened, you know? Because if he hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t have complained about it and Jaehwan-hyung wouldn't have invited me to that party. And if he hadn’t ditched me then he wouldn't have felt bad about what he did and ask me out for lunch to make up for it later," he says, a slight frown coming out of his face. Daniel still doesn't know where he's going with this but he listens all the same.

"It's not that huge in the grand scheme of things...but all of that happened without any control on my part. It actually scares me a little to be perfectly honest because if things didn’t play out like it did—” Jihoon lets out a nervous chuckle, biting back his lower lip which at this point is something Daniel knows is an involuntary habit he does when he’s thinking of something heavy, relevant. 

“I guess what I'm trying to say is...if things had been any different, I probably would have never met you, hyung.” 

It all falls in a strong, dawning kind of realization deep in Daniel’s chest then when he finally understands the point Jihoon is making. Of course he'd look at it from this kind of angle, of course he'd overthink this little detail. That's just Jihoon for you. Daniel feels a whole lot lighter when he lets out a small laugh that manages to get him a confused frown back.

"What's so funny?"

He clamps his lips shut, holding a smile. "Nothing, it's just—it's so typical of you to think about things like this. Worrying about something that's already happened and spending way too much time analyzing it. Sometimes you’re just too smart for your own good."

Daniel makes for it to sound like a joke but deep down, it’s the truth. Jihoon’s always been too smart, too mature and too much ahead and he knows that about himself too. It eases the frown off his face and he starts to smile again. Fond.

"I'm just...really glad we met each other on the roof of that party that night, Niel," he says slowly, gaze fixed and certain. "Whether it's destiny or sheer luck or just calculated fate—I don't think my life would've turned the direction it's on now if we hadn’t. And I'm really thankful for that...I'm really thankful for you."

Daniel only blinks, suddenly feeling a little lost, full, and warm all at the same time. Jihoon's always been honest with his feelings, his thoughts, but his words right then have totally knocked his own right out of his system. It feels as if he'd just been given a confession on a subject they both already know the facts to, making him privy to an unkept secret. Maybe it was never Jihoon's intention—or maybe it was and he's just ten steps ahead of him and he _ did _ know about all the thoughts swirling in Daniel's head—but what he just said finally rids him of the restless awkwardness from a while ago. 

"Jihoon-ah, I—umm...I feel the same way," he starts to say, voice choked up and raw, hoping it at least sounds as honest as Jihoon’s. "I'm really thankful for you too. I'm glad to call you my best friend."

He's probably just imagining it, but he thinks he sees Jihoon's smile falter a bit. Nothing too obvious, and it's only because his face is a mere twelve inches away that he's even able to see the slight twitch on the corner of his mouth and the way his eyes seem to narrow perceptively. There isn't time for Daniel to think about it when it's gone the next instant—especially when Jihoon does something he's not even remotely expecting.

He scoots forward, bridging the already miniscule gap on the bed until Daniel can feel his knees knocking on his thighs and his breath blowing across his face. It instantly brings him back to earlier in the kitchen, and he can feel his heart starting its mad rush to beat a hundred times per minute.

Jihoon doesn't say anything, doesn't do anything except keep his eyes trained on him. Daniel wants to look away but there isn't really anything he can look away to unless he moves himself out of Jihoon's presence entirely. He resorts to keeping his mind sane by focusing on his breathing, inhaling and exhaling slow and steady breaths that he hopes doesn't translate to him looking as if he's about to have a panic attack. It works after a few short counts, he can feel his muscles losing the tight tension—until Jihoon moves closer again. 

This time it's more deliberate, leaving their bodies tact while their faces become a mere hair-width apart. Daniel can feel the parts of skin tingling where Jihoon meets them, but what really short-circuits everything is when he begins to lick his lips. The movement is the only thing Daniel can focus on, his eyes losing control and zeroing in on the way Jihoon parts the supple flesh ever so slightly to bring his tongue out and let it glide across his skin in an agonizingly slow movement before it disappears again, leaving a wet, glistening sheen in its wake. Daniel's been living with him for four months, and it's ridiculous how it's only at this very moment that he notices that his roommate has two little moles on his lips. Cute and subdued, one on each of them. This realization is so alarming that he can't stop staring at it; can't stop trying to imagine what it would feel like to touch them and—

"Goodnight hyung," Jihoon says so suddenly, snapping him back to reality before scooting backward to his side of the bed and turning around ever so casually as if nothing out of the ordinary just occurred. Daniel’s mind is reeling, too much in shock to even process anything. It takes him a full minute before he manages to release the breath he’s been holding, and a few more for him to settle down to a somewhat more manageable state of mind.

He falls asleep a little later, though it feels as if part of his brain is constantly half-awake the entire night. His heart doesn’t calm down, and the only reason he actually believes he’s gotten a wink of shut-eye is because his dreams are plagued by a pair of moist pink lips speckled with two small dots.

Much to his sanity's benefit, Jihoon proceeds to act like nothing out of the ordinary had happened that night. They wake up, eat brunch, play games and converse so normally that after the course of a few days, Daniel almost believes that he had imagined the whole thing. Almost.

There are only a few small details that are clear why it wasn’t all some vivid dream. To the untrained eye, there's nothing really different at face value. They live the same routine, going through their days the way they always had since the day they started living together. If it weren't for the very fact that they _ do _ live together—and for quite a while now if he may add—then Daniel would probably never even notice it.

It's in the small things, the littlest of actions that he finds are not part of their established normalcy. On the first working day after the weekend for example: Daniel wakes up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee coming from the kitchen’s side of their studio. Now, the presence of liquid caffeine isn't what's inherently strange—Jihoon always wakes up an hour earlier than him on weekdays and he always brews them their morning coffee. It's routine, normal. But what isn't normal is Daniel walking over to the kitchen counter only for him to see that his spider-man mug is already filled with the steaming hot liquid. 

"I already added your fix to that," Jihoon tells him a second later when he exits the bathroom, absentmindedly toweling his hair dry and pointing at his mug. "Two sugars, two creams right?"

Daniel dumbly blinks at him, still a little half-asleep and taking a few seconds to process the words. "Oh, umm—yeah. Thanks."

Jihoon just gives him a smile before he walks over to their closet to get ready for the day, ever so casual that Daniel narrows his eyes a little in suspicion. It wouldn’t be beyond his roommate to pull a prank on him on a Monday morning, and it definitely wouldn’t be the first time either. He picks up the mug, gives it a few good sniffs before dipping his tongue in the liquid. When he’s sure there isn’t anything out of the ordinary, he takes his first sip.

By theory, the coffee he just drank is exactly the same kind he fixes himself up with every weekday morning before getting ready for work. Two sugars and two creams, just like Jihoon said. And it is, except it’s...not. It’s different. Not in the flavor or the general taste but more on the feeling. There’s just something different about morning coffee when someone else has made it for you and in just the way you like it too. And the weird thing about it is, Jihoon has never done that for him until this very moment. He always just brewed their coffee, leaving the pot on the machine and Daniel always just helped himself to it.

“You’re gonna be late if you keep staring into space like that.”

He flushes when he catches Jihoon watching him, and goes to drink the rest of his amazing, soul-warming coffee.

Daniel attributes it to kindness, that maybe Jihoon’s just returning the favor after the surprise party he threw for him. It makes more sense that way, despite the strangeness that follows when he constantly wakes up to his mug being filled every single day now. Not that he minds it of course, nor is it a bad thing. It's just different, and Daniel just notices. 

It doesn't stop with their morning coffee either. Daniel knows for a fact that Jihoon isn't touchy, at least not like him who's constantly out there bounding on other people like a two-month old puppy (Jaehwan's words, not his). He's not the type, and Daniel knows better than anyone that any advances in that department will either get him a scowl or a punch on the arm, depending on his roommate's mood.

It's very subtle, so minuscule that it hardly even warrants a second thought to mull over inside his head. But as strange as Jihoon is acting, Daniel's been equally observant and he just can't ignore how lately, in every bus ride home they take, he can actually _ feel _ his friend’s arm brushing against his when they're sitting together. 

The first time it happens he tenses. His mind automatically thinking it's his fault that he sat too close and already anticipating whatever form of wrath Jihoon will unleash on him for doing so. He becomes even more tense when he looks over to his side and sees him doing...absolutely nothing. No frown, no grimace, and no movement to scoot away to keep them from touching. It's as if he doesn't even know that they're so close together when there's literally so much room left on his other side.

There's no excuse of kindness or favors this time, no reasoning other than the fact that Jihoon is actually doing it deliberately, especially when it starts happening beyond their bus rides. They could be playing on his Xbox, sitting on the floor in front of their couch in the same way except for their bare knees always brushing against each other. They could be going out to eat barbecue for dinner over at that nice ajumma's place down the block and Jihoon would always choose to sit beside rather than across from him in the small booth they're given.

Daniel doesn’t mind, not at all. But with the way Jihoon is behaving, it’s becoming a lot harder for him to keep his thoughts at bay; to keep it from going places it shouldn’t even be entertaining in the first place. He’s already been caught staring one too many times for it to be a coincidental accident, and the smile Jihoon gives him after every instance definitely isn’t helping either. 

It’s a little confusing, to say the least. He’s not left with a lot of other options and he’s quite certain that at this rate—and with them living together and constantly on each other’s presence—he’s either probably going to lose his mind overthinking the whole thing, or he’ll do something monumentally stupid that would humiliate and strain things to an awkward level. 

So it’s not without precedence that on the next opportune moment when Jihoon’s colleagues ask him out to eat dinner with them and would therefore be coming home later than usual, Daniel seizes the chance on his momentary absence by calling and asking Jaehwan out too.

"Can I ask you something?" He says in between sips of ramen. Jaehwan just raises his eyebrows, popping a dumpling in his mouth. 

"So umm, just a situational question. If someone is let's say...acting weird around you—or, not really weird but more like, _ different," _ Daniel says, an automatic pout shaping his lips. "How can you tell if it means anything beyond that? Like, whether the person is actually trying to drop you hints or something."

Jaehwan eyes him, chewing and swallowing his food first. "Who's acting weird with who?"

Daniel sighs. There's just no going around that if he wants to talk about this topic. "Just someone work."

"Do I know her?"

"He's a _ he, _ actually," Daniel says, eyes slightly widening when he realizes too late that he probably shouldn't have let slip that detail. "And, umm...no you don't know him."

"Hmm." Jaehwan bites off another dumpling, his cheeks puffing while he talks. "Okay. So basically what you're telling me is that this guy is flirting with you but you're not really sure if he is, correct?"

He really doesn't want to put it that way. Jihoon is barely flirting with him, or at least he thinks he's not. But for conversation's sake and to make things a little less complicated, Daniel just nods.

"Hmm. Well, I guess the answer depends on how 'weird' this guy is acting," Jaehwan says, pondering it. "Is it the bumbling idiot type where he gets really flustered when you're around? Or is he like, constantly praising and complimenting you?"

"Umm, neither I guess." Daniel shakes his head. "It's not those cliche kinds. It's more like...subtle gestures."

"Like?"

Daniel bites his lower lip. He doesn't want to give too much away in fear of revealing who he's actually talking about, and the last thing he wants is for Jaehwan to find out it's Jihoon. 

"He's being very...chummy lately. Very touchy, when he normally isn't." He looks and watches Jaehwan's eyes as he says that, looking for any signs of recognition if there's any. Thankfully he's not as hard to read as Jihoon, and he relaxes a bit when it looks like he's safe.

"Well, if you're giving me that then it sounds to me like he's most definitely flirting with you." Jaehwan shakes his head, smirking. "Poor guy must be out of his mind. Do you like him?"

And there's the million-dollar question. The one Daniel's been pushing out of his thoughts for weeks now to no success. For everything that's going on, there’s only ever really _ one _ very relevant and important detail to this whole thing. Whether or not Jihoon is actually even dropping him hints, the fact of the matter is he's beginning to view his roommate—his _ best friend _—in an entirely different light.

But that's not even the scariest part. He'd be lying to himself if he said he wasn't physically attracted to Jihoon. Lately it's been taking an enormous amount of self-control and willpower for him not to imagine those lips of his when he's _ 'doing business' _ in the bathroom. It's not hard to admit his attraction, but does he like him beyond that? As more than a best friend? The answer to that is what he's most afraid of.

"I don't know." Daniel goes for honesty, shrugging with his eyes locked on his ramen bowl. "He's a good friend. I don't want to jeopardize what we have by acting on something I'm not even sure of. 'Cause what if he isn't even flirting with me and he's just being comfortably close? Or worse yet, what if I actually _ do _ask him out, only to realize later that I don't actually like him that way?"

Jaehwan puts his chopsticks down, rubbing the space between his eyes in frustration. "I can't believe you're stressing the both of us over this," he says, throwing him a dirty look. "You're getting way too ahead of yourself Niel. The least you can do is make sure the dude even really likes you first."

Daniel pouts. "How do I do that?"

"Easy." Jaehwan picks up his chopsticks again, slurping some noodles before continuing. "You flirt back with him when he least expects it. Nothing too loud, just something subtle. His reaction should tell you if the weird way he's behaving is actually what you're thinking or not."

"And if he doesn't?"

Jaehwan stares at him, a bored look on his face. "Well then doesn't that solve your problem? If it turns out this is all just in your head—which is a fifty-fifty likely scenario if you ask me—then you can forget about thinking whether you like him or not and you can go back to being friends."

“That...actually makes a lot of sense.” Daniel mulls it over. Not only will it get probably get him some answers, but it'd be pretty harmless too if all he’s going to do is test the waters.

“No duh.” Jaehwan snorts at him. “What I don’t understand is why you couldn’t have asked Jihoon that instead of dragging me all the way here.”

Daniel swallows down the would-be choke he felt rising and plays it off with a toothy smile. “What? Don’t you miss having dinner with me?”

“Uh-huh.” Jaehwan rolls his eyes, although the smile he has on opposes it otherwise.

Daniel considers the advice much more after they’ve parted ways and tries to think of how he can actually begin to execute it. He’s no stranger to flirting, even though it’s been way too long since the last time he actually did any form of it. The problem lies not with him per se but instead with the prospective _ flirt-ee _. 

The opportunity to come through with his plan doesn’t come that much later though, and any time he even thought he had to come up with something just falls down the drain when Jihoon texts him immediately the day after.

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ hyung, I got off work early today. You don’t have to come by my office later. See you at home _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ oh! I’ll be cooking us dinner too :P _

Daniel decides to just wing it, spending most of his journey home trying to draw some semblance of courage. He reaches their front door where the smell of cooked food is literally seeping off their front door. It’s even better when he enters, catching sight of Jihoon by the stove in the kitchen.

“Hey.” He calls out in greeting, eyes never leaving the pot he’s stirring. “Food’s almost ready.”

Daniel takes in a deep breath while he takes his shoes off and steels himself for what he’s about to do. He’s already worked through his nerves on the way here so really, all he’s feeling now is mischievous excitement. He doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t falter when he walks over to Jihoon and rests his chin on the back of his shoulder in an attempt to peek at his cooking.

“Whatcha making?” He says, completely aware of how his mouth is so close to his friend's ear when he does. He feels him tense up, and it's so subtly hidden that the only reason Daniel feels it himself is because he's standing so near. Jihoon doesn't show it of course, keeping up his otherwise calm persona when he answers.

"Kimchi jjigae."

"Mmm...smells good." Daniel sniffs, purposely doing it close to Jihoon's neck. He can tell that he just showered recently when the smell of his peach body wash is still there. "Can I taste?"

He can’t say for sure if the tone to his words are delivered the way he intended them to when Jihoon only hums in response, stiffly grabbing a spoon from the drawer and scooping up some soup before turning around to hand it over to him. It's clear at this point that Jihoon's doing his best to avoid eye contact, and maybe it's that very fact that eggs Daniel on because he's not entirely sure why he does what he does next.

Instead of taking the spoon from Jihoon's hand, he bends down a bit so he's level with his face. He licks his lips, leaning forward and _ slowly _ closing his mouth over the spoon while keeping his gaze locked with Jihoon the entire time. Daniel can see the way his eyes grow a bit, and the exact moment his mouth hangs agape in surprise.

He keeps the spoon in between his lips for much longer than absolutely necessary. The roof of his mouth slightly burns from the heat but the thrill of seeing his roommate utterly flustered is so worth it. When he swallows, he makes sure that it’s hard enough to be audible with his lips making a wet smack when he finally lets go.

“Tastes good.” He hums with a straight face, his gaze boring down on him. "Can I have some more?"

It happens gradually, the increasing redness of Jihoon's face. Daniel can see where it starts from his neck and how the color crawls all the way up to his cheeks and ears. He licks his lips, although something tells Daniel that this time is a little more involuntary than the last time Jihoon had been teasing him with the same act. He notices the little mole again regardless, stepping closer into his space.

"Hoon-ah?"

Jihoon just makes an incoherent, guttural sound that's a cross between a hum and a whimper. It takes everything Daniel has not to break his game face.

"Can I have some more?" He whispers, forcibly husky and deep. He's gotta say, he hasn't used this voice on anyone in a long time. It excites him to know that it still has the same effect on people.

"Umm—I…" Jihoon lightly shakes his head, blinking hard. "No I should, umm—I should get dinner ready. Can you umm, set the table?"

Daniel plays with a pout, but he nods all the same and does as he's told. The air feels lighter when he steps away from Jihoon's personal space, and he can see his friend's shoulders relax when he does. For all that little experiment's worth, he has to admit that it was pretty fun seeing this side of his roommate: completely flustered and off-guard, a stark contrast to the usual collected and reserved personality he exudes. 

The fun and excitement is short-lived once Daniel begins to realize the gravity and consequence of what he just did when they finally sit down for dinner. Jihoon eats with purpose—which is pretty normal if you don't consider the fact that it’s blatantly obvious how he’s doing everything he can not to look up from his bowl. He spoons and chews his food with his eyes down, continuously as if it serves as a convenient excuse not to say anything.

“So,” Daniel starts when he’s halfway through finishing his rice, breaking the silence. “How was, umm—how was work?”

Jihoon pauses mid-chew with his cheeks still full. He drags his eyes to the side, the most movement he’s done in the last few minutes besides eating yet he _ still _ doesn’t look up to meet him.

“Good.” He nods once after swallowing, spooning another mouthful and effectively ending the conversation, leaving them to finish the rest of their food in awkward silence. 

It stretches through the rest of the night, thick and unbidden with tension that Daniel can’t help but feel guilty about being the cause of. What could’ve been a nice evening with Jihoon’s home-cooked kimchi jjigae just turned into an awkward mess and all because he just _ had _ to take Jaehwan’s stupid advice and flirt with his roommate. He’s overstepped a boundary, crossed a line by relying on his inaccurate ability to read into a situation. Some best friend he’s turned out to be.

It takes Daniel half an hour inside the shower to construct an apology, an explanation, _ something _ to alleviate the tension between them. When he’s finally sat on his bed and both of them are getting ready to sleep, he swallows down what little pride he has and takes a few deep breaths so he can say the script he has in his head right. And he’s about to—that is until Jihoon comes forward to stand beside the bed, a pillow under his arm.

“Hyung?” he says, hesitant and careful as if he’s treading on thin ice. His face is unreadable as ever.

“Hmm?”

“Can I sleep with you tonight?”

It’s similar to getting a whiplash, he thinks, when Jihoon’s words start to process in his head. He stares dumbly at his face, on the expectant smile and the less than innocent eyes that are waiting for an answer. Just when he thought he had things figured out and was even ready to fix his mistake, Jihoon goes and pulls the rug from under him_ . _

“Oh, umm—of course.” He scoots a little to his side of the bed so Jihoon can climb in, and he’s caught off-guard _ yet again _ when instead of taking one side of the bed normally as the situation would dictate, he settles directly beside him. Close enough for their arms to brush against each other, even when Daniel can clearly see the foot or two of space left on the other side of him.

His chest begins to drum close to bursting when Jihoon turns to face him with that same lazy smirk he had on the last time they slept this close together. His breath gets stuck in his throat, mind too occupied into forcing his eyes not to look down at the two moles he has on his lips. He fails.

“Niel?” Jihoon whispers, dropping the honorific in his deep and husky voice, hitting an unknown chord deep within Daniel. 

“Y-yeah?”

This can’t be real. He’s pretty sure he’s imagining things when he sees Jihoon’s eyes trail down to his lips, biting down his own before looking up again with a small smile.

“Goodnight,” he says in english, deeply accented and laced with playfulness before closing his eyes. He doesn’t turn around to face the other side like last time and just stays there, completely unbothered.

In the darkness, Daniel can see the exact moment Jihoon shuts down and drifts off to sleep a few minutes later. He can feel it in his breathing, see it in the way his lips part unconsciously without willful restraint. It’s not long before he too joins him in slumber, leaving only two things in his mind that follows him to his dreams.

One is an obvious fact, that Jihoon is breathtakingly beautiful regardless of whether he’s even awake or asleep. The second thought is much newer, much more prominent and definitely shouldn’t cause him as much excitement as it does. But it’s clear, and the idea never leaves him even when he wakes up the next morning to the same peaceful face.

There’s no doubt about it now. Jihoon _ is _flirting with him. And the thing is—Daniel likes it.

It’s a steady kind of exchange from then on, decreasingly subtle and going a little more towards the edges of what their friendship dictates. Jihoon still does the same old things he’s been doing lately, the only difference now is that Daniel finally responds to them. It's nothing drastic at first, nothing too bold than just little cues of reciprocation—like how he now gives Jihoon a one-armed hug every morning right before they leave for work as thanks for the coffee he makes, or how his hand immediately goes to rest on his knee whenever they sidle up next to each other on their bus rides. The lack of resistance and usual expression of disapproval from Jihoon is what actually prompts him to delve deeper, breaking the boundaries he's set for himself about not being too touchy with his friend.

So delve deeper he does, from fleeting touches to deliberate gestures of affection. It evolves to the occasional slinging of an arm over Jihoon's shoulder on their walks home from work, and him turning his lap into a headrest whenever they find themselves lounging on their couch on a lazy weekend. Slowly, it becomes a norm, and the regularity of everything makes him bolder, braver, that with every instance he's beginning to want more—yearning like a puppy deprived of physical affection.

He pulls Jihoon's hand one day on their way to a ramen shop after work, under the pretense of being in a hurry just so he can make an excuse to hold his hand. He pretends to fall asleep next to him in the middle of watching a show in their living room so he can rest his head on top of his. He purposely makes a mess of himself when they have kimchi for dinner so Jihoon would call him out and wipe some wayward sauce splattered on his face for him. Daniel’s pushing it to obvious extremes the more he does it, but the fact that Jihoon so readily lets him do all these things without complaint or noise is making something in his chest flare.

It’s several weeks into this new dynamic when the atmosphere changes and their little pit-a-pat takes a turn for something bigger, something much more wound up. One weeknight, Daniel forgets to bring with him to the bathroom the clothes he was supposed to change into for bed. It's something perfectly ordinary and harmless, but when he leaves the shower with just a towel on and crosses over to their shared closet to get dressed, he doesn't miss the way Jihoon's eyes trail after him from where he's sat on their dining room playing games. Not to be arrogant, but it’s not a look Daniel’s unfamiliar with. It’s the same one he gets from some of his co-workers when he goes in to the studio wearing clothes that reveal a bit more skin than usual. The same lingering gaze he sometimes feels at the gym that people give him when they think he’s not looking. Daniel knows that look, that _ want. _And it’s really nothing new, save for the fact that now it’s coming from his roommate.

“Something wrong Hoon-ah?” Daniel says in a low drawl. He hears the telltale sound of what's probably Jihoon’s character dying in his game and failing the level he’s on when he responds back with a tight-lipped smirk, getting him to forcibly look back down on his screen all red in the face. Needless to say, Daniel has been 'forgetting' to bring his clothes with him to the bathroom every night since then.

He realizes that there's a certain thrill that he enjoys whenever he catches Jihoon off-guard and flustered like that. The face he makes when his eyes widen before he looks down in bashfulness, and the small whimpered sound that almost always escapes him whenever he gets caught staring. 

Jihoon's not without his own bravado though, and if Daniel were to keep count, he thinks he’ll probably lose against him on the number of times where the situation is reversed. Jihoon seems to enjoy it just as much as he does when _ he's _ on the other end of the playing field—because where Daniel is bold and just a little shameless in his acts, Jihoon is more sly and always hits him when he least expects it. 

They could be eating out for dinner for instance, over at the small eatery near Jihoon's office that serves their favorite jajangmyeon. Daniel would be happily minding his own business and enjoying his meal when out of nowhere Jihoon would just suddenly decide to dip his finger at his plate to slowly spoon some black bean paste into his mouth. Quite harmless and very much a Jihoon thing to do, if it weren't for the fact that he does this with his eyes closed, softly sucking on his digit with much more enthusiasm than necessary. 

“I _ really _ love this. It’s so thick and with the long noodles—God,” he moans out loud, just audible enough for Daniel to hear before he notices him staring. “Hmm? Something wrong hyung?”

Daniel also learns the _ hard _ way that it’s suddenly become very unwise to give Jihoon anything edible that he can put in his mouth that even remotely resembles a certain appendage of the male human body. He learns this in a preemptive strike one night after having dinner at Jaehwan’s when they pass by a convenience store and Jihoon whines about craving something sweet. Daniel makes the mistake of buying them two popsicles of Melona ice cream.

It all starts nice and sweet, as it is with eating any kind of handheld dessert on a nice night out strolling in the city’s sidewalks with idle conversation about PUBG tactics that would increase their rankings the next time they play over the weekend. Innocent is how Daniel would describe it—until the conversation drops to a lull and he sees from the periphery of his vision the way Jihoon ever so slowly puts his entire popsicle in his mouth, making some not-so-innocent noises as he happily sucks his dessert for all it’s worth. The worst part of it is, it looks like he doesn’t even realize what he’s doing, at least not until he feels Daniel staring at him and he turns and their gazes meet.

That’s when the glint in his eyes change, and their walking slows down to a halt at the small playground-park area that’s still a few good meters away from their apartment building. Jihoon just keeps sucking, his eyes never leaving Daniel’s as he slowly pulls the popsicle out of his mouth but not before lingering a little at the tip and making a small pop as it comes out of his lips. Lips that are slick with the sheen of his melon-flavored treat, lips with the two moles now highly accentuated that Daniel can’t stop staring at.

“Hyung.” 

“Hm?”

“Can I taste yours?”

Daniel knows he’s probably not doing a pretty good job at hiding the shock that paints his face, but whether or not Jihoon even notices, he doesn’t show it. Instead his eyes go down to the popsicle in Daniel’s hand before looking up again to make his meaning clear. 

“Oh—umm—y-yeah. Here,” Daniel says a beat too long, holding his hand out to offer his ice cream. 

Jihoon smiles at him before licking his lips and doing no motion whatsoever to take the treat from his hand. Instead he leans forward, slowly putting the thing in his mouth _ sideways _ in such a way that it bulges a little on the surface of his left cheek while keeping their eyes locked the entire time. Daniel doesn’t breathe, doesn’t move, and doesn’t have any idea how he’s even managing to hold on to his sanity until Jihoon’s finished.

“I think yours taste better than mine. I should’ve gone for mango too.”

“Hoon-ah, y-you—umm...you got a little—” Daniel mumbles awkwardly, his gaze honing on the small drip at the corner of Jihoon’s mouth. He doesn’t know what he’s even doing at this point when he suddenly shoots his thumb at the mess and wipes it for him.

“Oh, thanks.” Jihoon smiles, right before he goes back to attacking his own popsicle and starting the walk back home again.

Daniel takes two cold showers that night, only to realize later that no amount of it is capable of stopping his mind from playing the scene back for him in his dreams.

The constant banter eventually boils up to a peak, because there’s really only so much unspoken tension their little studio apartment can hold before it implodes on them. It’s the Friday after a particularly long week and they both just got their paychecks. Daniel offers to celebrate and unwind with some much-needed beer and Jihoon offers to pitch in with two boxes of fried chicken. With a random Netflix zombie movie playing on their TV and cans upon cans of booze spread out on their little coffee table, it’s a perfect kind of Friday night.

Now, it’s a known fact that Jihoon isn’t really much of a drinker after having once puked at a bar he and Jaehwan brought him to on their first salary. As lightweight as he is though, that fact doesn’t really stop him from joining him for a few rounds. Daniel knows this, probably better than anyone, so it’s completely on him when he fails to realize that Jihoon has been downing more than his acceptable limit of beer for the night right under his nose. By the time the thought even crosses his mind, Jihoon’s already looking a little red and staring blankly into space with a small, dazed smile playing on his lips. 

“Hey.” Daniel nudges him with a foot, his own smile forming when he chuckles. “You okay?”

“Hmm?” Jihoon turns to him, eyes squinting in the dim light. “What’s so funny?”

Daniel laughs some more, his own inebriation affecting his self-control. “You’re drunk.”

“M’not.”

“Yeah, you kinda are.”

“Shut up.” Jihoon snorts, making to grab his beer can in defiance. Daniel snatches it away just in time, holding it up where he can’t reach. “Ya!”

“No more drinking Hoon-ah.”

“Nooooo, give it back hyung.” Jihoon crawls over to him on his place on the carpet floor, reaching for the drink.

“I’ll get you a glass of juice from the fridge.”

“I want my beer!”

“You’re going to get a hangover.”

“I don’t caaare.”

“Jihoo—” Daniel tries but Jihoon’s already crawled over him, all clumsy with his weight causing him to lean back and lie on the ground with his hand still outstretched in an attempt to keep the beer can away from his roommate who’s now on top of him. Jihoon stops his pursuit of alcohol when he meets Daniel’s eyes, his vision slowly focusing before a small smile breaks out on his face.

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself,” Daniel says, suddenly feeling a little more sober than a few seconds ago when he realizes the position they’re in. It’s thankfully not as awkward and tense this time, largely in part of Jihoon’s constant giggling.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing it’s just—” Jihoon suddenly lifts his hand to his face, tapping a finger on Daniel’s front teeth. “Has anyone ever told you that your teeth are cute?”

He doesn’t know whether to be flattered or embarrassed by that statement, but he feels his ears burning a little and his heart starting to race regardless. Jihoon just giggles again, before he pushes himself off of him and leans back on the front of their couch. Daniel sits back up too, deciding that it’s probably time he stopped drinking as well.

It doesn’t bother him as much as the last time he found himself under Jihoon’s body, but the alcohol in his system now is blowing up the words Jihoon just said in his head. He called him—his _ teeth _—cute, and although that’s hardly even anything to get worked up about, it doesn’t stop his brain from replaying it on loop over and over. Not even the sight of zombies ripping open a man’s bowels on their TV is enough to be a distraction, especially when something more real and more tantalizing is literally sitting right next to him.

He tries to calm himself by taking deep breaths, closing his eyes every now and then and counting to ten. In the span of time it takes for him to finally relax a little, he notices that Jihoon’s gone awfully quiet so he turns his head to the side to see if his roommate might’ve already fallen asleep.

He hasn’t, and he startles a little when he sees Jihoon staring at him. He looks unfazed, eyes holding a certain kind of clarity that’s so in contrast to his drunken state. 

“What?” Daniel asks in a whisper, his voice suddenly hoarse and a little raspy. Jihoon merely blinks at him before pursing his lips into a tight smile, shaking his head a little and turning back to the TV.

“Can I ask you something?” he says after a pause, still not looking at Daniel.

"If it's about my teeth again, then no."

Jihoon just lets out a silent laugh before breaking another pause. It's longer this time that Daniel ends up feeling like Jihoon eventually forgets that he’s even said something. With expectation and anticipation out of the window, he’s caught off-guard when he suddenly speaks again.

“Why do you stare at my lips so much?”

Daniel feels something rise up to his throat at that, his ears straining to discern if he heard him right. “Umm...I don’t?”

“Uhh, yeah you do.” Jihoon chuckles, turning to face him. “You do it all the time, actually. While we’re talking, while we’re eating—in fact, you do it so often that sometimes I wonder if there’s just something on my face or if you just want—”

Daniel raises an eyebrow, not missing the slight shock that passes through Jihoon's features with the way his eyes widen a little and his lips clamping shut. 

“If I just want...what?”

But the moment is gone and the words that Jihoon was about to say are forever sealed inside him when he shakes his head and merely smiles. Daniel thinks he knows what he’s getting at but there’s no way in hell he’s voicing out his assumptions, especially not in their current state. So he turns his attention back to zombie hordes and professional screams of agony, fully determined to keep the subject out of his mind. 

He’s finally getting the gist of the movie plot by the time he hears Jihoon speak again, and this time it rattles him—completely throwing him off his horse that he might as well roll on the floor for added effect—that he doesn’t even have the chance to filter the shock from his tone when he responds.

“What?”

“I said—” Jihoon still doesn’t turn to him, eyes still fixed on the TV. “You can do more than just look at them. My lips, I mean.”

So he did hear him right, but confirming the fact in his head does little to diminish the shock and keep his mouth from hanging wide open. Jihoon faces him after a while, and Daniel must be more drunk than he thinks because he has no control whatsoever over what comes out of his mouth next.

"Like what?"

The question lights something up in Jihoon, playing in his eyes the fire that burns away the remaining trepidations of the moment. He scoots a little closer until their knees touch, the movement shaking his blonde hair down to fringe over his eyes. What catches Daniel's attention the most though is the point in question, and his gaze instantly moves on instinct to the small mole on Jihoon's lower lip. 

"What do you want?" he asks, right before he parts his mouth to lick them. All the effort it took for Daniel to calm his erratic heart earlier is completely gone as he feels a strong surge of _ something _ emanating from his chest and spreading to every part of his body. He feels alive, buzzed, and he knows it's definitely not from the alcohol. 

"I—I-umm…" His mouth goes dry, not knowing how to answer. Not that he doesn't _ know _ what he wants because believe him, he's definitely spent more than the respectable amount of time thinking about his roommate and his lips in less than appropriate situations. And while Jihoon is showing all the signs that he most likely knows that too and seemingly doesn't have a problem with it, Daniel's still not a hundred percent sure about jumping on that boat.

Even drunk, Jihoon looks as if he still has Daniel's thoughts all figured out when he suddenly inches forward even closer. "Tell you what. I'll leave it up to you, but on one condition," he says, a playful smirk and a dangerous glint in his eyes. "You have to keep your eyes closed."

Daniel blinks, his breath hitching slightly when Jihoon raises a brow in confirmation. He’s not exactly sure where this is heading, only knowing that he's walking down the slope of a treacherous path—but as dangerous and reckless as it is, there’s no denying that he kinda likes it. 

So he closes in eyes in response, letting the darkness and the lingering image of Jihoon’s flushed face envelope his mind. He immediately feels Jihoon move again, shifting closer until it starts to feel like he’s practically sitting on him. It’s not completely foreign but the moment he feels a pair of arms snaking over and around his shoulders to loop on his neck, he loses it. His body tenses, going rigid while his breath stops and his heart continues to drum at an abnormal pace. He knows Jihoon is close from the way he can smell the alcohol coming off of him, but then he starts to feel the steady flow of air wafting on the surface of his face that could only be his breathing. Daniel doesn’t dare open his eyes, afraid of what he might see and how he’ll react to it.

Just when he thinks it’s over, he feels Jihoon slowly moving closer still. So close that he can practically taste the beer coming from his breath and feel the secondary source of warmth that could only be coming from another person’s face hovering close to his own. He doesn't really feel anything with his sense of touch yet, but the darkness from keeping his eyes closed leaves very little to the imagination. The visual of the position they're locked in is so clear, so _ vivid _ in his mind's eye that he can practically feel a pair of lips brushing against his own even if it's not entirely the case.

He's standing on a tightrope, dangerously teetering on the edge. All it takes is one step, one swift jump to tip on one side and fall into unknown depths that will change everything in an instant. All Daniel has to do is lean a centimeter forward, simply pucker his lips, for his imagination to turn to reality.

_ "This is why I don't think relationships are worth it." _

The words come so hard and so out of the blue from his subconscious that it knocks what little breath he’s holding right out of his system. Jihoon’s voice from the past cutting through his self-inflicted blindness is like a siren, a warning of reality. It’s only a second of hesitation, a hiccup in the moment, but it probably does something to his features because in the next tick he feels the arms that are precariously wrapped around his neck suddenly stiffen. It's not long before he feels Jihoon shifting again, moving back and untangling himself from Daniel faster than when he was doing the opposite.

It’s gone. The electricity and the charged atmosphere is broken and Daniel opens his eyes to see his roommate staring at his lap with an expression he can’t read. His instincts are telling him to reach out, to apologize or simply _ say _ something because it awfully feels as if he did something wrong just now. 

"I'm...going to bed," Jihoon says ahead of him, breaking the silence and cutting whatever tension left in the air before getting up and leaving.

Daniel sits on the floor a while longer, staring into space, at Jihoon's back, and trying to make sense of what just happened. He goes to sleep on the couch that night with a slight headache, and a whole lot of guilt-induced anxiety.

The following morning, Jihoon wakes up moaning in pain from a hangover. He spends most of the Saturday and the rest of the weekend indisposed and completely out of it, giving Daniel the duties of a caretaker the entire time. He doesn't mind it too much though, especially when the lack of consciousness from his roommate gives him plenty of alone-time to think and sort out his own thoughts. 

Now that he's more sober, he dissects in his head and enumerates the facts of everything that went down the night before. Jihoon drank way too much beer, that much is obvious. He got drunk _ and _ he made a move on him. With reasoning on Daniel’s side now, putting those two facts together in a sentence is enough to sound a little self-explanatory.

So moving on to the next matter at hand: his own feelings. He's not going to lie to himself, because despite how things played out and ended last night, there’s really no denying it. _Of_ _course_ he wanted to kiss Jihoon, of course he wanted nothing more than to give in to the moment. He's been wanting to do just that since that day he threw him that surprise party and after that little incident on their kitchen floor. Daniel's been fantasizing about putting their lips together and so much _more _that it was only a matter of time before he instigated the act himself. So why didn't he?

The answer is a little more rhetorical than it needs to sound in his own head because one look to his right where the massive heap of tangled blankets and limbs lay unconscious serves as his answer. Jihoon was drunk, and Daniel was no better being a little tipsy himself. As much as he wanted to give in to his desires, he couldn’t bring himself to act on something he’s not even sure is real or worse yet, something they won't even remember come morning.

He loves Jihoon first and foremost as his best friend. He cares about him, and if he’s ever given the chance to love him as something more than that, then Daniel wants to do it right—preferably with both of them sober.

So that only ever leaves one final issue to be addressed: Jihoon’s voice playing in his head with words he told him that night at the roof of where they first met. Daniel doesn't know why his brain even decided to remind him last night out of all times but it's a painful slap to reality nonetheless. For all the flirting and playful banter they've been doing these past couple of weeks, he feels extremely stupid for only coming to the possibility that he and Jihoon were probably never even on the same page in the first place.

He's already unsure of his own feelings to begin with and whether or not he's even willing to take their relationship further than from what it is now is another matter to think about. The last thing he wants is to end up being in a fuck-buddy, friends-with-benefits kind of thing with him—he knows how stories like that always end and he’s definitely not letting the both of them go through that.

He looks at his sleeping roommate again and wonders if he even remembers anything from last night, or if he’ll handle it the same way he always does by feigning ignorance. He supposes he'll get his answer soon enough, so for the meantime he pushes the thoughts to the back seat rather than worrying himself.

The answer does come soon and more precisely, on the first morning after that weekend, at the very moment Daniel stirs from sleep. He hasn't even opened his eyes yet and already he knows that there's something odd about today. The realization hits him bluntly when he sits up from the bed and suddenly the difference is all he can focus on. He can't smell anything. Daniel wonders for a moment if he even has his dates right and goes to check his phone, because the only times he doesn't wake up to their apartment smelling of freshly brewed coffee is during the weekends.

His phone screen says Monday, and he immediately looks over to their bathroom door next only to see it slightly ajar with the lights turned off. Getting up from bed, he checks their front door and his heart sinks from the clarity of the sight that greets him. Jihoon's shoes are gone, all signs saying that he's already left for work.

No notes, no messages, no anything. It can’t be any more clearer; Jihoon remembers what happened, and it doesn’t look like he’s too thrilled about it.

The paranoia lasts Daniel the entire day, the restlessness seeping into his dancing at work and bleeding out in awkward movements. He’s had to take more breaks today than he usually does the entire week that some of his co-workers even start asking if he’s feeling under the weather. He considers the fact that he may be overthinking everything though, and that maybe Jihoon has a perfectly good explanation as to why he hasn’t seen or heard a peep from him all day. 

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ hey. I’ll be home late tonight. you can eat without me. _

He reads the message five more times before turning the screen off and pocketing his phone. Any hope Daniel had that it’s probably all just in his head is effectively thrown off the standing, the feeling replaced by unabashed dread and guilt. It’s further amplified when on that same night—with him already laying under the blankets and ready to call it a day—Jihoon still hasn't come home despite it already being half an hour past midnight.

It turns into something frequent, with Daniel waking up in the morning alone and heading to bed at night in pretty much the same manner. It's crazy to think that for two people who share a studio apartment together, days actually start going by without them seeing a single hair on each other's heads. 

The momentum eventually breaks, although Daniel thinks it's due largely in part of the fact that it's movie night and Jaehwan is over at their place. It's the first time in three days that Daniel actually sees Jihoon in the flesh, and he tries his best not to oggle too much or dwell on the fact that he looks so tired as he stands in the kitchen preparing their snacks.

"What are we watching tonight?" Jaehwan interrupts his thoughts, plopping his weight at the other end of the couch. Daniel averts his attention back to preparing their movie on the TV.

"The Lion King,” he says, smiling as the first frame loads up on the screen. “And can you please hold off singing along until _ after _ the movie?"

Jaehwan just rolls his eyes at him, turning to where Jihoon's walking over to them with a bowl of popcorn. "You don't mind if I sing, do you Jihoonie?"

"I'll stuff your face with this if you do." He deadpans before placing their snacks on the coffee table. "Now move."

Daniel turns his head a little to see Jihoon nudging Jaehwan's leg. That's when he realizes that the only space left on the couch is in the middle—the space right next to him.

"Why?" Jaehwan asks, patting his side. "Just sit here."

"Just move."

"But I sat here first!"

"And I don't care." Jihoon makes to push him, and the surprise is on Jaehwan when Jihoon actually manages to scoot his entire body out of the way in a surprising display of strength.

"You brat!”

"Hey, it's my couch," Jihoon says offhandedly, grabbing the popcorn bowl and fisting a mouthful. Jaehwan just sighs and makes himself comfortable then, shaking his head lightly.

"I don't know how you manage to live with this beast Niel. I really don't."

Daniel merely chuckles, drawing his eyes and risking a glance to the right to see how Jihoon reacts to that statement. He doesn't, and he just sits there with his eyes up front while devouring his popcorn. He sighs a little, getting the chill and taking the awkwardness he feels as cue to start the movie.

As far as their warnings went to stop Jaehwan from singing along earlier, they all end up going at it anyway by the time Hakuna Matata starts rolling its happy montage. ‘No worries’, and Daniel feels just that when he finally immerses himself in the moment with his friends. It’s an easy distraction, especially with Jaehwan here, that by the time Simba celebrates the birth of their newborn cub and is king of the pride, everything in him feels a lot lighter.

“God, I love that movie,” Jaehwan says, nodding to himself before picking up his phone from the table and slouching back on the couch. 

“That’s what you said last time,” Daniel says, immediately freezing and biting his lip because he’s pretty sure he just heard another person say the exact same thing at the exact same time as he did. Jaehwan doesn’t miss this either, looking left and right between him and Jihoon.

“I can’t believe you guys are actual soulmates.” Jaehwan shakes his head, going back to his phone. Daniel swears he almost chokes on his own spit. “Oh, speaking of soulmates. You never told me what happened with that guy from work who was hitting on you Niel. Did you get to ask him out?”

_ Now _ Daniel chokes. And in the midst of his small coughing fit, he sees the way Jihoon stops scrolling on his phone at the other end of the couch. He still doesn’t tear his gaze away from the screen, but something tells Daniel that his ears are now probably tuned to whatever is going to come out of his and Jaehwan’s mouth next.

“W-what are you talking about?" Daniel stalls, grabbing a glass and taking a drink of water.

"You know, you playing dumb just tells me that you did and that you're keeping this little boyfriend of yours a secret." Jaehwan snickers at him when he proceeds to choke on his water next. "Can you believe this Jihoon? Our player is finally dating again."

He reveals nothing, face as blank as ever while he just goes back to browsing on his phone. Daniel on the other hand blanches and does his best not to end up choking some more.

By the time it's gotten late enough that Jaehwan has to leave, Daniel has half a mind to tag along with his friend and ask if he can sleep over at his place. The awkward tension in the room increases ten-fold when it's just him and Jihoon left, a suffocating haze floating around them while they go about cleaning the remains of their movie food.

Not really being the best at handling the kind of pressure brought by an elephant in the room, it only takes a short ten minutes of silence before Daniel can't take it anymore and he breaks.

"Hey, umm...Hoon-ah?"

Jihoon pauses midway in picking up their empty bowl of popcorn, listening but otherwise still not facing him. It's as good as he's gonna get, he thinks.

"Umm—what Jaehwan said back there. I-umm—" he scratches the back of his head, needing _ something _ for his hands to do. "There's no guy at work or—umm, I mean—I don't have a secret boyfriend...nor am I seeing anyone."

The moment the words stumble out of his mouth comes the awkward question of why he's even explaining himself in the first place. Frankly, he realizes that all it's doing is admitting the fact that he's defensive about the topic and feeling obligated to Jihoon about it when he's not supposed to. 

In response, Jihoon finally looks at him after he picks up the bowl in his hand. He stares at him for a solid minute, eyes boring him down until finally, he gives him a smile. Cold and practiced, with none of the usual mirth and bunched up cheeks that he’s used to. They each go to bed that night without another word.

When Daniel wakes up to an empty apartment again the following morning, he finally decides to draw a line on whatever this mess is escalating to and actually do something about it. The longer he stays complacent and ignoring the issue, the larger the rift feels with Jihoon. Even if it isn’t completely his fault, he’s more than willing to be the first one to extend an olive branch at this point.

So he ignores the same text message Jihoon’s been sending him this past week telling him to go home ahead of him after work since he’ll be working late again. He focuses on planning what to say instead, on building his courage as he walks the usual route he takes from his office to the radio station. It's only when he’s a few feet away from the main entrance and is just about to shoot Jihoon a message telling him that he's down here and that they should at least get something to eat first when all his plans suddenly come to a screeching halt

Jihoon's there by the entrance, exiting the building with a few people who Daniel assumes to be his colleagues. He suddenly feels very stupid for not thinking that Jihoon is probably staying to work late with them and could possibly have made plans already to eat dinner together. His courage takes a hit, and his heart makes a turn for shock next when Jihoon passingly turns his face to where he’s stuck standing there and their eyes meet. It stops him in his tracks, not going unnoticed by the person walking behind him and turning to see where he’s looking at.

"Hey, isn't that Daniel?” He vaguely hears Sungwoon mouth to Jihoon, before he fully turns and waves an arm in his direction. “Hey Daniel!"

He feels a slight sense of unease when all eyes suddenly land on him after Sungwoon calls out and gestures for him to come closer. Daniel takes a calming breath before walking over, smiling and waving to their little party.

“Hey there.” He bows slightly to everyone in greeting before he locks eyes with Jihoon, who looks to be in a state of repressed shock oblivious to how everyone is now looking at him and waiting for him to say something. He gets a nudge from Sungwoon, snapping him out of it.

“Umm, guys this is Kang Daniel. My roommate,” Jihoon says, nodding to his direction awkwardly. Daniel smiles gracefully as everyone introduces themselves to him, doing his best to remember their names.

“So, what brings you here? Picking Jihoon up?” Sungwoon asks afterwards, sounding a little confused.

“Umm, kind of,” he answers, ignoring the even more confused look Jihoon throws at him from his periphery. “I was going to ask if he wanted to get something to eat first before he gets back to work tonight. Sorry, I didn’t realize you probably already made plans.”

“Work?” Sungwoon looks even more confused, turning to Jihoon whose eyes are now doubled in size. “We just clocked off and were about to go out for drinks."

And suddenly it all clicks into his head. Sungwoon’s confusion, Jihoon’s less than pleased expression over their whole exchange. He wasn’t going to stay late for work, he’s avoiding Daniel by going out with his colleagues. 

"Oh, umm...I must've missed the message," he says, taking in stride the bitter taste that suddenly coats the surface of his tongue. Sungwoon just nods at him, completely unaware of the tension before a huge smile plasters its way back to his face.

"Well anyway, since you're already here, you wanna join us?"

The bitterness turns into something palpably naughty then, especially when he looks at Jihoon who he can tell by now is silently screaming the word 'no' with his eyes as he looks back at him. Feeling a little petty for being lied to earlier, Daniel just turns back to Sungwoon with a smile. 

"If you guys don't mind. I could go for some drinks.”

He sees Jihoon’s shoulders slump as he silently sighs right before Sungwoon glows with excitement and pats him on the back. "Alright! TGIF!"

For the first time since getting up from bed this morning, Daniel feels a genuine surge of excitement blow up from inside of him. There’s no doubt that tonight is going to be a lot more interesting than what he initially had in mind.

The club is crowded, loud, and extremely alive as should be expected on a Friday evening. It all comes at Daniel in a huge crashing wave of sensory stimulation which makes him realize that it's been way too long since he’s stepped foot inside one of these places—considering that the only drinking he ever does these days is either at their place or at Jaehwan's.

Another thing that proves to be too much than what he'd expected this night to go as is him being the singular center of attention. Not that he doesn’t like it per se but he’s just not used to talking about himself too much and in long stretches of time, especially when the only other person he really knows in the group he’s with isn’t even talking to him.

“So Daniel, what do you do?” One of Jihoon’s colleagues ask him. A lady with long, dark hair sitting to his right—Jennie, he thinks her name is. He doesn’t really remember.

“He’s a dancer,” Sungwoon answers for him, tipping a shot glass in his direction. It gets a few _ ohh’s _ of amazement from the group, much to Daniel’s chagrin.

“Umm, yeah. I’m an assistant choreographer over at MMO Entertainment.”

“Oh! Isn’t that just a few blocks away from the radio station?” One of them says, right before another pipes in with, “I think I pass by their building on my way to work.”

Daniel just nods and smiles in the politest way he can fix his face into throughout all their interrogations of interest. He only ever really starts to question the wiseness of decision to come here when one of them asks,

“So how did you and Jihoon meet?”

By this time, Daniel has already given up on even trying to recall the person’s name. The question instinctively makes him turn to look at Jihoon though, who until now hasn’t said a single word and is merely sipping quietly at his drink.

“Oh, we went to the same university back in Busan.” He carefully watches him when he answers. Ever the great actor though, because nothing slips past his stoic face.

“Was he always this huge of a prodigy?” Jennie asks in feigned whisper, chuckling when Jihoon finally breaks the staring contest he has with his drink and shoots them a wild look.

“Yah! I’m right here you know!”

Amidst all the laughter and the less than comfortable chit-chat about Daniel's life, the night eventually gets to a looser kind of atmosphere that he learns to relax into. Eventually Sungwoon starts to have itchy feet and proceeds to take the first step in hitting the dance floor, dragging almost everyone in their party in tow.

"C'mon Danny! You _ have _ to come dance with us!" Jennie's currently pulling at Daniel’s arm with as much persuasion and gentleness as arm-pulling can get. The look on her face tells him that she's probably not as sober as she was a few minutes ago. Tipsy at the very least.

"Ah, maybe next time Jennie. I had a rough day at work earlier and I have to rest my ankle." It's a lame excuse that sounds even worse when he hears it out of his mouth. Normally he’d be down to go dancing any time, but he _ is _feeling tired right now and there are just too many factors that are more pressing at the moment. “I’ll just hold down the fort tonight, okay?”

“Next time. You owe _ me _ a dance.” Jennie pouts at him, finally letting his hand go and waltzing over to the dance floor where Sungwoon and the others are. Daniel settles back with mild relief on the plush seat of their booth, facing the only other person left with him across the table.

“She likes you,” Jihoon says, and Daniel has to make an effort to keep himself composed because this is literally the first time Jihoon’s spoken to him all week.

“Who?”

Jihoon looks up, if just to give him an exasperated face. “Jennie. In fact every single one of them likes you, in case you haven’t noticed,” he says, a humorless chuckle escaping his lips. “Who am I kidding. Of course you wouldn’t notice.”

Daniel winces a little. He isn’t stupid, he knows the underlying message in his words. He bites his lip, figuring that now would be a good time to actually talk.

“Hoon-ah, I—”

“I’m going to the bar.” Jihoon cuts him off, abruptly getting up and leaving him alone in their booth with nothing but surprise and disappointment to keep him company.

All this time he hopefully thought Jihoon was avoiding him simply because it was too awkward—that he somehow just didn’t want to be faced with the confrontation of what happened between them that night a week ago. Now though, with the way he’s been acting, Daniel’s beginning to think otherwise. If Jihoon did think that, he probably would’ve just played ignorant and pretended nothing had happened as he so usually does. It’s starting to be clear that the root of all the coldness is because he might actually be _ mad _ at him.

He gets up then, huffing his breath in an attempt to build up his determination. Daniel’s not too good at confrontations himself but he figures that since he already came all this way tonight, there shouldn't be a reason for him not to go about his original plan and allow the night end without fixing things with Jihoon. 

Making his way to the main bar, it's not hard to find the familiar mop of blonde hair sitting on one of the stools when he reaches. He already had his words ready, his apology and explanation and the conversation he wants to take. Except suddenly, all that he's prepared forcibly takes a backseat when he sees that Jihoon isn't alone.

A guy is standing beside him, leaning casually with one elbow on the bar and facing his roommate who is currently laughing and playfully slapping the other guy's bicep as he does. Daniel knows this little dance all too well, having done it himself a few times in the past. The knowledge doesn't do much for him though, as opposed to the realization of what's unfolding right in front of him. It brings up something sour from his gut, coloring his vision a weird tinge of green the more he stares at the two. When he sees Jihoon laugh a second time over something the other guy says, Daniel loses it.

"So, what do you say we get out of he—shit!"

Daniel feels his own shirt get wet and cling to his abs as he knocks himself over the guy, cutting off whatever conversation they had going. As cold and gross as it feels though, it doesn't beat the satisfaction of seeing how much more drenched the recipient of his supposed drunken stumble is.

"S-sorry man," he mumbles in his best slurred out voice. The smile he puts up being the only thing that isn’t part of the act. “Didn’t see you there.”

"Dude, what the fuck?! You spilled my fucking beer!"

"R-really?" Daniel looks the guy in the face—immediately affirming himself that he's _ way _ hotter than this flirty douchebag—right before he looks down and attempts to dip a finger in his glass. "You still have some on your glass thou—"

"Oh fuck you!"

He resists the urge to fight back when the guy gives him a particularly hard shove, and instead uses the force of the movement as an opportunity to turn and face the other way to the other person he’s purposely interrupting. “Oh, hi Jihoon.”

His roommate doesn’t have time to hide the shock when he realizes who it is, his eyes blowing up comically wide. Underneath the surprise though is his perceptiveness, and Daniel knows that Jihoon can immediately tell he’s faking it.

“You know this fucker?” Flirty-douchebag asks, pointing an accusatory finger.

“No—!”

“I’m his roommate, buddy. Got a problem with that?” Daniel says, poking a thumb to his chest. And maybe he’s just too into his role of being drunk, because he definitely notices too late the fist forming and flying for his face until it’s about a few inches away from his line of sight. Daniel closes his eyes on reflex, but the anticipated pain doesn’t arrive and he opens them again to the see Jihoon’s hand caging the incoming punch effortlessly. 

“I’m sorry about him. He can be an idiot sometimes when he’s drunk." Jihoon says with bared teeth and a forced smile, although something tells Daniel that this animosity isn’t really directed towards the guy who’s fist he’s blocking. "I can help you get your shirt cleaned if you want?”

“Don’t bother.” The guy says, pulling his hand back and zipping his coat up to cover the mess Daniel made, muttering a few choice curses under his breath as he walks away.

He finally drops the act a little when it's clear that the guy won't be coming back, and although he’s somewhat expected it, he still startles a bit in surprise when he turns back to face his roommate. 

Jihoon is livid, the likes of which is something Daniel has never even seen before, much less directed _ at _ him. The unplacated frown, the humorless stare, all aimed towards him in an unrelenting gaze. Worst of all, Daniel thinks, is the alarming lack of action. Jihoon isn't doing anything, isn't saying anything. He's just staring at him in silence, completely ignoring everything else around them. As usual, it’s Daniel who cracks first.

"Jihoon, I—"

But his friend is having none of it, immediately starting to walk away the moment Daniel opens his mouth. He sees that Jihoon isn't even heading back to their table anymore and is making a bee-line towards the exit instead. 

Daniel catches up to him outside where he's standing by the bus stop, just in time before one drives over to pick him up. Jihoon never spares him a glance, even as Daniel follows him inside and sits beside him.

"Jihoon-ah." He tries, fishing for words, a response, _ anything. _ He's tempted to reach out and touch him, stopping himself at the last minute when he sees how white Jihoon's knuckles are down on his lap. Daniel stays quiet the rest of the way then, preparing himself for the worst with only a single thought running through his head. 

He's really done it this time.

The anger is palpable all throughout their journey and even on the walk home. It feels a lot like carrying a time bomb ready that’s set to go off, ticking closer and closer to an explosion the closer they get to their apartment. Daniel sees how it’s seeping off Jihoon, how his walls of self-control and careful aura of calmness slowly crumbles. The way he taps his bus card with just a little more force than necessary on their way out of the bus. The way he walks faster than usual, stomping his feet hard enough on the cement for his footsteps to echo along the their empty street; and the heavy bouts of breathing he releases through his nose with every breath he exhales. It steadily reaches its peak, and Daniel involuntarily shivers once they reach their front door where it takes Jihoon three tries to get his keys in the lock from all the shaking his hands are doing. 

He swallows down a sudden lump in his throat, walks forward and follows Jihoon inside. The second the door clicks closed behind him, all hell unleashes.

"What the _ fuck _ was that?!" Jihoon rounds on him, the metal clatter of his keys landing hard next to Daniel’s foot.

"I—"

"Did you hit your stupid head or something?! What the hell is wrong with you?!" He takes a step forward, and Daniel unconsciously takes one back. “And don’t you fucking dare tell me that you were drunk because I swear Daniel, I will make you wish you _ were _drunk when I’m through with you.”

It comes with a terrible sense of clarity in that moment that he doesn't actually have an excuse for the way he acted earlier. It was an impulse—a terrible one at that—born of jealousy that he's not willing to admit even to himself, much less to Jihoon.

“Well?!”

“He didn’t look like good news Jihoon. He—”

“And how the fuck would you even know that, huh?! From the two seconds it took for you to spill his drink all over him? ‘Cause you're such an _ excellent _ judge of character, is that it?!”

“N-no! The way he was looking at you was—”

“Was what? Like he _ wanted _ me? Like he was flirting with me? Well, I hate to break it to you Daniel but that’s exactly what we were doing!”

"I was just looking out for you—"

"I don't fucking need you to! Did it ever even occur to you that I was the one who talked to him first? That I _also_ wanted him?"

“But you don’t even know the guy!” Daniel raises his voice unwillingly, the same sourness from his gut rising to his mouth again. He realizes the mistake a second too late.

“SO?!” Jihoon seethes, his hands forming into fists. “Why the hell is that any of your concern?!"

"I'm not about to just let you sleep with some sleazy stranger you met at the bar!"

"And why the hell not?! What makes you think that you even have a say in who I fuck with?! Because newsflash: I’ve had sex with countless of people in the past whom I barely even knew and I will continue to do so if I want to!”

“So that’s all this is to you then, huh? It’s all just about the sex to you.” Daniel finds himself saying, unable to control himself. “You must be _so_ _proud_ that you got all these people wanting to get a piece of you that you’re just willing to give yourself away for a good fuck!”

Jihoon finally closes the bridge at that, stepping forward and shoving Daniel by the shoulders. Hard. “Who the fuck do you think you are?!”

“Last time I checked I was your friend, Jihoon. Maybe you can’t see that but that’s all I’m trying to be for you here.”

Jihoon laughs at that. A sarcastic, empty one that sounds more like an exasperated grunt than anything. 

“Friend.” He repeats the word, shaking his head. “So, what? You're saying that if I want to fuck someone I should _ ask _ for your permission first?"

"I didn't say that."

"Well you didn't have to!" Jihoon pushes him again. "If it fucking bothers you so much then maybe we shouldn't even be friends in the first place!"

He makes to push him again, but this time Daniel catches his arms in a solid grip and pulls him harder. The force surprises Jihoon a little and he stumbles, and what happens next makes his body go rigid.

It's another impulsive decision, another thing that happens in the heat of the moment except this time, Daniel doesn’t think he regrets it when he crashes his lips onto Jihoon's. He feels him go stiff, the pressure in which their mouths touch making the whole thing slightly uncomfortable and just a bit sloppy. But Daniel doesn’t dare let go, doesn’t dare let his moment escape him because he can’t have Jihoon shut him out. Not again.

The hard-pressed meeting of their lips only lasts a few seconds before Daniel feels Jihoon relenting. His shoulders growing slack and his lips slightly parting in the subtlest of movements. He follows suit, the grip he has on Jihoon’s arms softening to a steady hold while he continues to kiss him. When they finally break for air after god knows how long, Daniel opens his eyes—completely unaware that he even had them closed—and looks straight into Jihoon’s face.

In that moment, he can’t decide which one glistens more prominently, whether it’s Jihoon’s eyes or his now moistened lips. They’re both breathing hard, catching their breaths while feeling like they're holding it at the same time. The realization of what he just did comes at him with full force in the next second and he suddenly finds himself standing on the edge of a decision. They’re at the precipice, both still unsure whether to take the dive even after all the effort they did to get here. He looks at Jihoon's eyes for any sign of something, but ultimately its his lips again that pushes him over the edge.

Jihoon licks them, swiping his tongue over the small mole that's been at the apex of Daniel's mind for the longest time now. His hands move to the undersides of his face in an instant and he leans forward again only to be met with a softer, warmer, and heart-bursting kiss. He kisses him properly this time, finding the slightest encouragement from the way Jihoon's hands find their way over his chest and from how he willingly takes him all in without restraint. It all takes a turn to something deeper when he feels Jihoon starting to kiss back; more hungry and persuasive than he ever was. It's as if he's let loose some kind of animal, caged for decades and fed only with the littlest of scraps. 

Daniel folds and he lets him take over their exchange. He feels a tug on his shirt pulling him down closer to his height, a tongue on the surface of his lip that soon enters his mouth, and something hard poking at him near his thigh. He's falling and falling, too fast and exhilarating for him to form any kind of thought other than extreme want. Because he wants this. He _ wants _ this. And he doesn't think he can keep holding himself back.


	3. Fearless

"Okay, I did _ not _ need to hear that." Jihyo makes a face not unlike the one that comes out whenever she finishes a drink of whiskey.

"Hey, you said you wanted to know our story right? Well, this is part of it." Daniel snickers.

"I'm glad you moved out of that apartment," Jihyo says with mock grimace. "I don't think I would've slept on your bed there knowing this now."

"You say that as if you thought I was a virgin when you met me." He laughs some more, bringing out a smile from her. This was what he really loved about Jihyo, she always could match his humor even at each other's expense.

"Hardly," she answers with a mocking eye-roll. "I knew you were a fuckboy the moment I laid my eyes on you, and I'd rather not have material reminders of all the escapades you and your dick had in the past, thanks."

Daniel grins, hissing as he downs another shot. He can feel the edges of his mind feeling a little lighter by now, the words sure to come out easier.

"So do you want me to continue, or…?"

"Just spare me from all the dirty stuff." Jihyo whines, muttering under her breath of what a pervert Daniel is when he just laughs at her.

  


***

  


Daniel wakes up in the middle of the night with a fleeting kind of weightlessness lingering in his chest. Euphoric and elated, like he’s lying on a bed of clouds with a stomach full of butterflies. He hasn't had sex in a _ long _ time, and going four rounds with Jihoon in the span of a few hours made sure they both crashed and burned by the time they released the last of their loads on each other's bodies. He feels a small smile creeping its way up on his face at the thought of what they just did, which all too suddenly drops when his senses begin to kick in and he realizes that he's alone on the bed.

He sits up, his panic growing when he turns and sees their sofa empty and their bathroom vacant. The lightness flowing through his system then freezes up into dread, his mind jumping to the worst possible conclusions of Jihoon hating him, regretting what happened and leaving without a goodbye in the middle of the night.

Daniel reaches over to the side table for his phone but comes up empty handed, remembering that it's probably still in his pants pocket which are strewn haphazardly on the floor. He checks the time when he picks it up, the screen showing him that it's four minutes past three in the morning and that he has one unread message in his inbox. 

** _Hoon-ah:_ ** _ im on the roof. _

The message was sent half an hour ago, and it gets him to relax a bit when the information slowly sinks in. Jihoon didn't leave, he's here and he's telling him where to find him. Feeling a little silly, Daniel sighs and tries not to smile too much when he puts on a loose hoodie and a pair of shorts just before he exits their apartment and heads for the top floor of the building.

It's chilly outside and almost pitch-black but the moment his eyes begin to adjust, he’s held still by the sight that greets him. It’s still a little too dark to see, but Daniel can clearly make out the shapes and silhouettes of what looks like a small garden over on one side of the roof. An actual garden, with a bunch of plants in a small patio complete with chairs and plastic recliners. He’s been living here for almost half a year now and this is the first time he even knows about this.

He sees the shape of another person near the roof’s railing not long after, walking over quietly even though he knows he's probably heard him by now. It’s only when he’s about five steps away from Jihoon that he’s greeted by another sight that pulls his breath away even stronger.

“Wow.”

Jihoon turns to face him at the sound of his voice, a knowing smile on his face lightly painted by the far-off lights of the city below them and the moon above. “Nice right?” he says, before facing the view again.

Daniel for the life of him can’t really decide which is nicer. The amazing view of night-time Seoul in front of him, or the ethereal being glowing in the dim light standing next to him. He supposes a nod would be the best answer to keep it ambiguous as he joins Jihoon in leaning against the cement ledge.

“Did you know about all this?” He tips his head in the general direction of the patio-garden behind them. “Or was I the only one who didn’t know our building had an actual roof deck?”

Jihoon chuckles at him, light and airy. “It’s just you. I’ve known since the first night we moved in. I always come up here whenever I can’t sleep.”

“Oh.” Yet another surprising tidbit blowing over him that's been going on under his nose for the past six months. “I...didn’t know you had trouble sleeping.”

“That’s because you sleep like a rock.” Jihoon points out, chuckling some more. “The first few nights, I tried being quiet whenever I snuck out at. It wasn’t until two months later that I realized I didn’t really have to ‘cause you can basically sleep through anything.”

Daniel laughs along with him, remembering how Jihoon used to complain about how hard it was to wake him up in the morning. It's how the routine of him brewing their coffee started, in fact, when he found out that it helped in getting him off the bed.

When the air settles down to something more quiet and comfortably peaceful a little later, Daniel thinks how ironic it is that they’re here now talking and laughing at their inside jokes like they always do. Just a few hours ago they went from being at each other's throats to fucking each other's brains out in what was possibly the best sex Daniel's ever had in his life. He suddenly wonders if this whole shift to normalcy is intentional, if Jihoon’s playing the let’s-pretend-it-never-happened game again.

“I guess that’s as much stalling I can get before the inevitable,” Jihoon says on cue, easily reading through him. He turns his head to face to the side, and Daniel’s a little surprised to see how vulnerable he looks. “I assume you want to talk about it, right?”

“Umm...yeah but, only if you want to,” he says, and the only response he gets in return is a slow nod. Jihoon’s eyes are locked on the space between them, contemplative and brooding in the stretching silence.

“So…" He lets out a sigh, heavy and weighted. "We fucked.”

The bluntness of the statement is almost enough to make Daniel actually want to avoid talking about the whole thing. It’s suddenly awkward—_ too _awkward—that it pushes his thoughts ahead of him again.

“Do you regret it?” He doesn’t mean for that to sound so blunt either, and he regrets asking the second he sees the look Jihoon gives him.

“Do you?”

His roommate's unwillingness to answer the question first serves as the answer to a question he didn't even know he was waiting for, and suddenly it all becomes clear to him. The way Jihoon’s been acting, the way he responds—or rather, ignores—certain things that's been happening between them for the better part of the past month or so. The apprehension, the doubt that always seems to be present at the back of his mind. Daniel knows how deep-seated they are for him, but it’s not until this very moment that he finds out the real extent of Jihoon’s uncertainty. He’s afraid. Scared of what Daniel really feels despite him already making it obvious. 

“No,” Daniel answers with a small smile that he hopes carries his complete sincerity. “No, I don’t.” He releases a mental sigh of relief when he sees Jihoon relax a little, his own smile starting to form on the corners of his mouth.

“Umm...me neither.”

He wasn't really expecting it, but hearing Jihoon say that actually makes him feel a hundred times better. It leaves a lot to be answered still, but it's a good first step.

"So...where does this leave us then?" Daniel asks the one question he'd been scared to utter ever since he'd started to entertain these unplatonic feelings for his roommate. The look of manic uncertainty crossing Jihoon's face makes him doubt a little, but he understands him a little better now. To the point that he kind of already expects the answer he gives.

"I—I don't know."

Daniel nods once. Unsurprised. "Can I be honest with you then?"

He gets a familiar look from Jihoon, clear that his message comes across. The smile he makes tells Daniel that he knows it too, that this whole scene reminds them of their first encounter all those months ago.

"Please," he says, and Daniel nods again.

"I really mean it, that I don't regret what we did. But at the same time…I don't want us to do it again—"

“What?”

Jihoon's face immediately falls, the smile and shine in his eyes breaking that Daniel panics a little and instinctively reaches out and holds his arms in fear that he would go away. “It—it’s not that! Just...just let me finish, okay?” Jihoon doesn’t move or run, but it still doesn’t appease the worry in his eyes. Daniel takes a breath, focusing on articulating his thoughts with the right words when he continues.

“What I meant was, I don't want us to do it again if it's not going to mean anything. I don't want it to be just sex because...I like you, Jihoon-ah, more than I probably should. But as much as I-umm..._ enjoyed _ what we did—you’re still my best friend above all else. That's more important to me and I would never trade what we have for anything lesser. So if you don't feel the same way as I do—which I would totally understand, don't get me wrong—I'd rather we just put what happened behind us and go back to how things were."

When he’s through, Daniel takes a deep breath to go with the weight that he feels lifting off his chest. He tries to read into Jihoon’s expression, looking for anything that would tell him how he’s feeling. All he does though is bite his lower lip in hesitation, the sight of which injecting enough doubt in Daniel for his hands to fall back to his sides. 

"What if I don't want to put it behind us?" Jihoon says slowly, in a voice so low that Daniel almost doesn't hear him. "What if...I don't want to be just best friends?"

Confused, Daniel only blinks. "What do you mean?"

Jihoon isn't looking at him. In fact, he seems as if he's purposely avoiding his gaze, even. The last time he saw him like this was when Sungwoon had asked him to be the guest radio host for the first time at work. Daniel isn’t used to seeing his usual confidence marred by hesitation.

"I mean...what if I have feelings for you too?"

Of all the things Daniel had been hoping for, _ that _ had been at the very top his list but was by no means what he was expecting. He was ready for a rejection, the sharp pang of heartbreak—not the opposite that gets him staring in silence with a slack jaw that can’t seem to function and form words.

"Oh." Daniel feels his mouth go dry, his mind blank and reeling. "T-that would be, umm—that would be great then."

Jihoon finally looks back up at him, if only to let out a soft laugh. "I can’t believe we're so terrible at this."

It lightens the mood at least, and Daniel finds himself laughing along despite the awkwardness.

"Can I just be brutally honest here?" Jihoon asks, exhaling a small relief when Daniel nods in agreement. Skirting around a topic has never been their forte so by a lot, being frank about it is better.

"I also like being your best friend Niel, and that's something I would never trade for anything in the world either. I already told you before how lucky I feel to have you, and I'm really happy with our setup now. But lately…" He trails off, frowning a little. "I don't know what exactly triggered it, but lately I keep finding myself _ wanting _more. Like, I want to be more than what we are now. More than just best friends.”

Jihoon faces him again, only this time there’s something different in his eyes. The hesitation is gone, rigidly replaced by a willful sense of confidence that even Daniel can feel from his gaze alone.

“I want to be able to hold your hand any time I want to without overthinking if it actually means something or not. I want to lay my head on your shoulder when we watch movies together without worrying if I’m overstepping my boundaries. I want to have a solid reason for staving people off who get too close and flirt with you. I want to kiss you every time I catch you staring at my lips when you think I’m not looking. I want all of that, and more, Daniel...but—”

His determination shifts again, as quick as it came to be in the first place. Clearly marked by the way he sighs and bites his lips back, and the short pause before he speaks again.

“I’m scared.” He looks down, shaking his head a little. “I—I don’t think I've ever felt this way about anyone and it scares me even more knowing that you somehow feel the same way. I’ve never been in a relationship before, and every single one I’d seen around me always ended up terribly. I’m afraid that if we do this...if we give up our friendship for something more...we’ll end up losing each other in the end.”

Daniel watches him rub his eyes after he speaks, stopping whatever could’ve been pooling in his orbs from coming out. For a moment, all he can focus on is the fact that Jihoon just confessed to him and that he feels the exact same way. He’s reeling. Way over the moon over his words that it takes him a while to process that, while Jihoon did just pour his heart out to him, he’s still hesitating. They both already jumped the cliff earlier, but they’re still hanging on by a ledge and still not completely falling and letting go.

"My mom once told me something," Daniel starts, slowly closing their distance and looping a finger with one of Jihoon's. "She said that you will never truly have anything in the world if you're too afraid to lose it, and that it's all about finding out what things are more important to put a risk for."

He looks Jihoon in the eyes then, sharing a small smile in comfort. "I'm scared too, Hoon-ah—and if anything, I already got a taste of what it's like to actually lose you," he says sheepishly, coloring Jihoon's cheeks pink in return.

"Sorry."

Daniel just chuckles, nodding before being serious again. "I'm willing to take the risk though, to be something more” he says, tightening his hold on his finger. "I believe it's worth it. Being with you."

He doesn't get a response right away and he just watches Jihoon stare at his chest and worry his lip down. They stay like that for a while, unmoving with only their fingers in touch. Daniel is surprisingly calm, attributing it to acceptance that he's legitimately okay with whatever Jihoon's decision will be.

It doesn’t make him any less happy though when he finally feels Jihoon move, down to where their fingers are looped where he slowly maneuvers his hand to close in on his. He looks up next and their eyes meet, and that and the small smile playing on his lips is enough of an answer for him.

"Does this mean we don't have to take turns on the couch anymore?" Daniel says, earning him a chuckle and a playful shove from Jihoon which he uses to pull him closer.

"Just so you know, I'm a little pissed at you right now."

"What? Why?" He feels a spike in his heartbeat out of panic, but it's gone in the next instant when Jihoon just laughingly pouts at him.

"I’m still mad about that little stunt you pulled at the bar and on top of that, you ruined our first kiss! You literally just shoved your face to mine during an argument! Your rabbit-teeth hurts you know!"

Daniel just blinks seconds before a wide grin spreads across his face. He laughs, using his other arm to snake around Jihoon's waist from behind to pull him closer. "Let me make it up to you then."

He puckers his lips and makes to lean forward, but Jihoon stops him midway with a hand and a soft push.

"No. If you're gonna make up for it, you're going to have to do it the right way."

"And what way is that?" Daniel raises an eyebrow, challenging. Although he should know better than to actually pose one for Jihoon.

"Take me out. On a date." Jihoon smiles smugly. "Tomorrow—or, later rather, since the sun will be rising soon."

Daniel is not in the least opposed to the suggestion, but he doesn’t hold back his laugh. "Is this your weird way of asking me out?"

Jihoon just sticks his tongue out, untangling himself from Daniel's limbs. "No kisses or hugs or anything until we go out. You better make this worth my while, Kang."

Leave it to Jihoon to make something as innocent as a first date something to compete for. Daniel just shakes his head, fondly watching the back of his roommate—his _ boyfriend _—as he waltzes back down the stairs. 

  


He books a restaurant for dinner, the fanciest one that's available and his wallet can afford on such short notice. Until the night arrives though, they spend most of the first day of the weekend in pretty much the same manner. They eat pancakes for breakfast, do their laundry, clean the house and play video games like they always do. No one ever acknowledges that they've officially jumped to being a couple now nor the four rounds of sex that occured the night prior.

Despite the normalcy though, what can be found in the sameness of their routine dynamic is a lot of added change. Jihoon has withheld from kissing or hugging him like he said he would, but he doesn't seem to count the likeness of how he plays footsie with Daniel from underneath the table much throughout their breakfast, or the way he practically sits on Daniel's lap when they go head to head on Mario Kart on their couch. It's pretty much how it was like before when they were flirting around each other, except this time the meaning isn't blurred between lines of tiptoed-guesswork and suggestiveness.

An hour before their dinner reservation, Daniel stands by their front door waiting for Jihoon to finish in the bathroom. It's taking him longer than usual tonight, which would normally warrant some hard knocking on his part but he knows better than to rush him. He did take a few extra minutes himself to style his hair and put a few things on his face; it's their first official date after all, and Daniel wants it to be as perfect as it can get. 

"I'm ready."

He's pulled out of his thoughts by Jihoon's voice and the moment he looks up gets him wishing that he'd mentally prepared himself while waiting. In all the time they've lived together, there has never been a need for either of them to pull out all the stops of their wardrobe when going out. Jihoon's always been the handsome pretty-boy—it's a known fact—but what comes out of their bathroom to greet Daniel in that very moment has his brain trying to re-evaluate the definition of the phrase.

Jihoon is wearing a black, long-sleeved top that snugly hugs his arms and torso, tucked into a pair of dark, ripped jeans that heavily accentuates his thighs. Daniel's eyes don't stay too long below, however, because it's up-top that really wires everything down. He's puffed and curled his blonde hair in a messy do that makes him look like a devilish cherub. And his lips—God his lips. Slightly tinted with just the right amount of shine. Daniel doesn't know how to stop staring.

"You're going to catch flies," Jihoon says, chuckling as he walks over and pushes his mouth closed. "Ready to go?"

"Y-yeah. You look great." He bites his lip and cringes at how awkward he sounds.

"You don't look too bad yourself. Now c'mon, I'm hungry." 

Even when he looks like a movie star, inside is still the Jihoon he knows. He laughs with a huge grin constantly plastered on his face as they put on their shoes and head for the door.

They get an uber to travel to the restaurant even if it's only a few short minutes away by bus. It's a little pricey, especially on a Saturday night but Daniel thinks the extra splurge is worth the pleased look of surprise on Jihoon's face when sees the car waiting for them outside. Daniel hasn't done this in a while, taking someone out, but he still holds true to his charms unforgetting of how to make someone feel special and happy for a night.

"You're shitting me," is the first thing Jihoon says when they step out of the ride and stand outside the entrance to the restaurant.

"Are you gonna stand there all night or are we gonna eat?" Daniel smirks at him, drinking in Jihoon's expression. He excitedly follows him as they walk through the driveway and into a set of double doors that reveals the elegance of what's inside. Marbled floors, red carpets, velvet curtains, and a small indoor fountain that just gives them an inkling of what to expect. They head on over to the reception area where the hostess greets them at the podium.

"Good evening sir, are you with the bride or the groom?" She asks them with a smile. The excitement Daniel feels flowing over the top of his head falters in confusion.

"Uhh, sorry I think you're mistaken. I made a reservation under Kang Daniel? For two people?"

"Oh," The hostess now looks equally surprised, right before comprehension and an apologetic look fixes its way to her face. "Sir I’m so sorry, but there's been an impromptu wedding dinner tonight. We had to cancel all prior dinner reservations and I believe the management should have already informed all affected guests. Did you not manage to receive a message?"

Daniel can only blink, fish his phone out of his pocket to check his inbox. True enough, there's a message from the restaurant a freaking two hours ago informing him of the sudden change in plans. He'd been too busy getting ready earlier that he hadn't really seen it.

"We understand," Jihoon takes the helm when Daniel remains stock still staring at his phone. "We'll just get going. Sorry for the confusion." He bows slightly before taking Daniel's arm to walk him out of the restaurant and back to the chill-aired night.

"Hey." Jihoon nudges him when he continues to stare blankly into space once they're outside. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so stupid."

"Because your dinner reservation got canceled?" Jihoon chuckles, soft and airy. "That doesn't make you stupid Niel."

"They texted me two hours ago Jihoon. If I just looked at my damn phone earlier—" He runs a hand through his face, sighing in defeat.

“Well, no use crying over spilled milk.” Jihoon shrugs, his smile still up. “What do you say we just go for some jajangmyeon, hmm? Our favorite place isn’t too far from here.”

It’s not like Daniel has much of a choice, especially when Jihoon just grabs his hand in his and leads him to start walking.

They end up being squeezed into a corner table when they get to the small joint fifteen minutes later, the place already packed with the weekend dinner crowd. They order their usual bowl of noodles and fried dumplings, which Daniel ends up mixing much longer than necessary until Jihoon stops him with his chopsticks.

“Don’t play with your food,” he says, and Daniel looks up to see him with a teasing smile. “Chin up, Niel. Think of it this way, we’re eating perfectly good food for less than half the price of what we would be paying for at that restaurant.”

Jihoon proceeds to spin some noodles and bring the chopstick up to his face, feeding him. Daniel pouts, but opens up anyway to take the bite.

“I just wanted to take you somewhere special Hoon-ah.”

“And you think _ here _ isn’t special?” Jihoon laughs in mock offense, a playful eyebrow raised. “Niel, I don’t mind where we eat as long as we’re together. I’m perfectly happy here.”

He gestures at their small table, laughing, and Daniel can’t deny the fact that what Jihoon said just made a few butterflies flutter in his stomach that’s enough to get him to stop sulking for a while. Their dinner turns out great regardless just like he said, and it brings Daniel’s hopes up a bit for him to think of something to make up for how their night turned out. 

"You wanna go for a walk at the park after this?" He asks him, the park he passes by every day when he walks from his office to Jihoon’s presenting itself in his mind's eye. It’s doesn't have the flair of fairytale-esque twinkling lights and flower lined pathways, but it’s a quaint and a private enough place that’s good to go for a stroll on.

The plan’s already solidified in his head even before Jihoon smiles and nods in agreement, his heart already jumping in excitement up until they exit the small eatery and freeze in their tracks at what greets them outside.

"You didn't happen to bring an umbrella, did you?" Jihoon asks, and Daniel just can't hold it back anymore and tips his head skyward without shame.

"Fuuuuck!"

If anything, the rain only seems to have heard him and proceeds to pour down even harder. Jihoon just laughs at him.

"It's just rain Niel, we can wait it out—"

"You don't get it Jihoon!" He turns to face him, exasperated and dejected. "I wanted tonight to be special. To ne perfect. I'm your first boyfriend and I wanted to make you happy and give you the best first date ever and instead, all this shit happens and it's just fucking ruined."

Daniel hangs his head, ignoring the giggles he hears coming out of Jihoon beside him, the sound of which mixing with the patter of rain. He feels a finger to his chin, lifting his head up to come face to face with a warm smile.

"I know things didn't go the way you wanted it to, but nothing about tonight diminishes the fact that I'm happy right now," Jihoon says in earnest, his eyes twinkling. "And that's because of you, hyung. Not from eating at some exorbitant restaurant or from clear, star-filled skies. I'm happy because of you, and knowing the fact that you went to all this trouble to make it perfect for me just makes me happier."

Daniel feels a pout forming, and Jihoon just uses his thumb to play with his lower lip when he does. 

“You’re just saying that.”

Jihoon frowns a little and lets go of his chin to take a step back. He gives him a pensive look for a few seconds before his smile goes back up again, taking another step back. It’s only after he takes two more that Daniel begins to notice that he’s up to something.

“What are you—Jihoon!”

But he’s too late, and on the third step Jihoon takes, he effectively leaves the shelter of the restaurant’s awning to meet the heavy downpour with full force. He tilts his face up, completely unbothered and smiling as the rain washes over his skin. 

“Jihoon! Get back here before you—” Daniel tries to say when his protectiveness kicks in and reaches a hand out to pull Jihoon back to him. But he gets grabbed at instead and with surprising strength, gets pulled forward where he joins him under the blanket of nature’s shower.

“Fuck!”

Daniel gasps at the sudden change in temperature. He can feel the immediate soaking of his clothes, his pants clinging to his legs and his feet getting drenched in seconds. The only response he gets is a laugh, and he looks up only to be met with Jihoon’s cheshire cat smile.

“You wanted to go for a walk, right?” he says laughingly, taking his hand in his and starting to take a few steps ahead of him. “C’mon!”

Jihoon drags him, pulling him by the arm as he starts to run on the sidewalk. People around them are staring, but Daniel has no choice but to go along because Jihoon's grip is a vice.

When the initial shock of getting doused subsides, Daniel easily matches his pace until he’s running not behind but alongside of him. They get to the corner of the road and cross the street when the light turns green, both of them frolicking in front of the headlights of the stopped cars with people who are probably shaking their heads in disapproval at them. Strangely, Daniel doesn’t care much; about the curious eyes of people under shelters of roofs and umbrellas, the cold rain seeping through his socks, and most importantly the ruined plans of his ideal perfect date.

It doesn’t take long for them to reach the park he was talking about earlier and he only realizes that he’s smiling and laughing the heck out of it too when Jihoon finally slows down his pace.

“You’re crazy!” Daniel says when they stop. Jihoon just turns around to look at him, pushing his hair back.

“You’re wet.” He giggles, and Daniel doesn’t think he’s ever seen him smile this much before. It's contagious.

“So are you, in case you haven’t noticed.” 

Jihoon just laughs at him some more, his hand coming up to cover his mouth out of habit and Daniel suddenly finds himself unable to stop laughing too. He doesn’t know how long they go at it but it lasts until he’s running short on breath and all he can hear is the sound of their hackling and the pouring of rain. 

That's when he begins to really see the scenery around them. Paths lit up with lamp posts, the warm, yellow lights they emit sparkling and scattering with the falling of water droplets and almost creating a hazy rainbow in their glow. The park is empty save for the two of them, clearing the ground of feet and turning the stoned pavements into rippling mirrors reflecting the lights and trees. Daniel is almost breathless by the view alone; he's never seen the park this beautiful before.

“Hey,” he starts to say, wiping his eyes of rainwater and tears of joy. Jihoon bites his lips down, a few chuckles still escaping when he answers.

“Hey yourself.”

“What do you say we go for that walk now?” Daniel asks, extending a hand as if it’s a perfectly normal night and that they’re not soaked to the bone. Jihoon just does that thing where he looks down and semi-laughs with both his upper and lower teeth showing, before he takes Daniel’s hand in stride.

They haven’t even gone two steps yet when he feels Jihoon suddenly tug at his hand and arm again but this time, he turns around to face him as he does instead of dragging him to a sprint. Daniel is caught so off guard by the movement that he stumbles a little, leaving no room for him to anticipate much of anything especially when Jihoon proceeds to pull him down and crash their lips together.

It’s completely by surprise, and yet it doesn’t carry the same sloppishness of how their first kiss went last night. This time it’s soft and gentle with the way Jihoon’s lips fit against his, yet passionately strong and forceful with how he lightly pulls at his shirt collar to bring him in deeper. The surprise of it all further escalates the feeling of the moment, the fearlessness of the act adding on to the rampant butterflies and the fires in Daniel’s chest that are burning in sharp contrast to the rain running down his body. He doesn’t know when he closes his eyes or in which moment his hands find their way to cup Jihoon’s cheeks. All he can do is focus on kissing him back with as much ferocity as he’s being given, moving his lips in sync with him in a flawless dance under the rain.

They pull away at the same time, and Daniel swears he’s never seen anything more beautiful than what’s in front of him when he opens his eyes. Jihoon’s face a mere few inches away from his, moist and dripping and utterly magical with his lips slightly red from kissing and his eyelashes trapping a few droplets of rain.

"Now _ that's _a first kiss," Jihoon says, a huge smile forming on his face. Daniel grins back, stealing another kiss and pecking his lips. His heart blooms at the knowledge that he can do this now—hold Jihoon close and kiss him as much as he wants without needing an excuse to do so.

"Still think I'm lying about being happy just to keep you from sulking?" Jihoon chuckles, his smile growing when Daniel shakes his head.

"Thank you," he says, leaning forward until their foreheads touch. "For making tonight perfect."

They stay and stand in the rain holding each other a little while longer, exchanging a few more kisses and giggles in between words of sweet nothings. And it's in that moment of unabashed chemistry that Daniel's heart swells with joy thinking that things can't possibly get any better than this.

But it does. Oh boy it does.

Being Jihoon's boyfriend opens up so many doors in him and in their relationship that he never even knew were closed in the first place. It’s as if they’ve both been unconsciously holding back, on words they’ve always wanted to say and actions that don’t necessarily fit the category of their friendship. Now that they’ve taken the leap to be something more, the walls come down surreptitiously and they both fall into a pattern that's not unlike the feeling Daniel had when they first met. The same feeling of synchronicity that make them seem like two perfect puzzle pieces that fit so well together. They've always been this way, the only difference now is the image they form together when their pieces click.

It’s in the mornings they share when they wake up on the same bed, one of them—Daniel on most days—ending up tangled against the body of the other person. It’s in the way Jihoon constantly keeps their hands clasped whenever they’re out of the house, in walking to their bus stop, grabbing a bite to eat, and on the stroll they take at night in heading home from work. It’s there in how Jihoon says ‘see you later’ when Daniel drops him off at the entrance of the radio station building where he stands on his tiptoes to give him a long kiss on the cheek.

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i miss you :p _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ we were literally together just 5 mins ago _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ your point? _

** _Hoon-ah:_ ** _ haha. I miss you too hyung :) _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ do you want to have lunch together later? I can walk over back there :D _

** _Hoon-ah:_ ** _ :( I have a lunch meeting. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ oh :( guess i’ll just see you at dinner then _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ sorry hyung. Anything you wanna eat later? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i kinda want you _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ ok _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ *soup!! I meant to say soup! _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ wait did you just say ok to me having you for dinner?? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ maybe ;) _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ O__O _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ i can still give you soup if that’s what you want. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ mine’s a little salty and really thick though...hope u dont mind :) _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ Jihoon!!! _

Aside from the physical shift and the copious amount of kissing and the extensive nights—and days—of sex (although arguably those two aspects play huge roles themselves and are probably at the top of the list of why he loves being boyfriends), Daniel also finds that Jihoon has become more open to him now. More honest that as if his already candor personality has reached a much higher level than usual. He learns so much more about him, things he thought he already knew only to find out that he'd only ever really been given the chance to skim the surface of.

From the little things he’d kept from saying out of courtesy like small pet peeves of Daniel's less than tidy habits around their apartment, to more personal things like how Jihoon shares just how passionate he is about his job and what it means for him to be someone who can entertain people and have a voice on what’s relevant in the world.

Perhaps the strongest example of how open Jihoon is being now is the fact that he so willingly talks about things from his past, whereas before a single question about a subject only yields Daniel a single answer. One topic in particular is about his parents, which is brought up one night while they’re having dinner at home when Daniel just randomly thinks aloud how he’s never really met them or seen Jihoon talk to them in the time that they've lived together.

"They're busy people," Jihoon tells him in the most casual of tones.

"Too busy to even say hi or even check in on their son?" 

He gets a shrug, answering after he swallows a bite of food. “They greet me on my birthday, on Christmas, Chuseok...but that’s about it, really."

"How come?" Daniel asks, genuinely feeling a little bothered over his parent's lack of concern. Daniel knows they're divorced, but that doesn't mean they can just casually wipe off Jihoon's existence.

“My dad lives in Japan now. Tokyo, I think,” Jihoon continues offhandedly. “My mom’s in Masan. They both already started new families of their own ever since I moved to Busan for university.”

That's news to him, and he doesn't even try to hide the way his eyes widen. “Don’t you miss them?” he asks, thinking about his own mom and how he can’t imagine a day to go by without him missing her. 

“Not really.” Jihoon shakes his head, face blank and passive. “They sustained me until I could graduate, and I’m thankful for that. But it’s been years since they broke up and I understand that we all have different lives apart from each other now. No big deal.”

Jihoon would never say it, in fact he probably doesn’t even realize it himself but their conversation that night finally lets Daniel know the reason why Jihoon is the way he is. Why he's so guarded, so inherently apprehensive about things that reach an emotional level of deepness. Sure he’s opened up to him now and is doing well in having a circle of friends, but Daniel still remembers everything he'd told him that night up on the roof of where they first met; how he doesn't believe in relationships. How he's afraid of being alone.

It brings out the hyung side in him, a willful urge to protect Jihoon and let him feel that his subconscious fears don’t necessarily apply to everything and most especially, to their relationship. That task isn’t solely on him, but he feels a responsibility now as his boyfriend and Daniel’s definitely not one to disappoint.

“Why am I nervous. This is just Jaehwan-hyung. Why the hell am I feeling nervous,” Jihoon keeps muttering to himself as they walk along the sidewalk towards the ramen place they’re meeting their friend at. It’s been a little over three weeks since they started becoming a couple but it’s only tonight that they’re finally going to tell him. Jihoon was the one who wanted to keep it a secret for a while and it’s clear as day now as to why.

“Jihoon-ah, relax,” Daniel says, putting a hand on his shoulder. “What’s the worst that could happen?” He realizes his mistake too late when Jihoon immediately begins to give him a list of answers to the question.

“What if he disapproves? What if he feels awkward around us now and doesn’t want to hang out anymore? What if he gets mad that we kept it secret from him for so long? What if—”

“Hoon-ah.” Daniel steps in front of him, stopping his tirade with both hands clasping his shoulders and a look he hopes gives him some comfort. “In all the years I’ve known Jaehwan, I have never seen him turn away a friend before. It’s gonna be okay. Just relax, alright?”

Daniel’s not entirely sure if it works on calming him down (probably not), but it gets him to nod regardless and stay quiet until they reach the restaurant.

They arrive first, the air conditioning inside a welcome relief from the slightly warm night. They sit and order their usual bowls, their food arriving just in time when Jaehwan finally gets there and takes the seat across from them on the booth.

“Thanks for ordering for me. God, I’m starving,” he says sitting down, immediately snapping a pair of chopsticks to feed himself the first piece of their dumplings. 

"You walked here from work?" Daniel asks, grabbing his own pair of chopsticks and handing one set to Jihoon.

"Yeah, but I wish I hadn't. It feels like someone turned a furnace outside," Jaehwan says mid-chew, his cheeks puffing up. “So how have you guys been? I haven’t seen you two in a while.”

Jihoon promptly chokes on his soup at that, taking him a good two minutes to fight off the coughing fit that ensues afterwards much to the back-patting Daniel gives him the whole time. When he’s relatively calm again, Daniel faces forward to see Jaehwan staring at them, his chopsticks frozen in mid-air holding another piece of dumpling.

“Oh my god,” he starts to say, getting Jihoon’s nervous attention too. “You guys finally fucked.”

Now it’s Daniel’s turn to choke—on his own spit—and tamps down his ceaseless coughing with a glass of water.

“H-how did you—?” Jihoon pipes in, before suddenly giving Daniel’s arm a backhanded slap. “You told him?!”

“I didn’t!”

“Then how—?!”

“Because you guys are really lousy at keeping your feelings in check,” Jaehwan answers, snapping his mouth over his next dumpling. Daniel is rendered speechless, and he feels Jihoon is inflicted with the similar fate.

“Wait so...how long have you known?” 

Jaehwan faces him then, an annoying smirk playing on his lips. “I didn’t really ‘know’ per se but I did have my suspicions. We were here at this very restaurant, remember?”

It all comes back to him like in a rush, the day he was asking him about how to tell if someone was flirting with him. Daniel’s mind is reeling. Just when he thought he'd been doing a good job of being inconspicuous, his friend is yet again a few steps ahead of him.

“So you _ did _ tell him.” Jihoon rounds on him again, a little glad that he doesn’t look too mad this time.

“Take it easy on him Jihoon, he didn’t tell me.” Jaehwan snickers, pointing his chopsticks at him. “And if anything, _ you _ were the one that really gave it away.”

“What? Me?!”

Jaehwan laughs at him, ignoring his surprised death glare. “I’ve been around Daniel long enough to know the look the people get around him when they start liking him. I call it the ‘doomed-soul’ look.”

Daniel giggles at that, getting another slap on the thigh from his boyfriend.

“So...you’re okay with it?” Jihoon asks suddenly, his tone a stark contrast to his loudness just seconds ago.

“Okay with what?”

“Us...dating.”

Daniel stops his mindless chuckling at that too and looks in between Jihoon and Jaehwan, watching their reactions. He's proud to feel that despite his friend's lighthearted nature, he can be sincere in his seriousness when it's called for.

“What? You actually thought I wouldn’t be okay with it?” Jaehwan says, a light laugh coming out much to his and Jihoon’s relief. “Hoon-ah, I’m _ more _ than okay with you two being a couple. In fact, I think you’d be a much better partner than his previous ex. Damn, I hated that bitch.”

“Hey, you never told me that!”

“I was being a good friend, Niel. Now imagine what I had to put up with during the three years you two were together.” Jaehwan shakes his head in a grimace. “It’s a good thing she moved to the Philippines. I hope she gets sunburned there.”

Daniel’s about to quip back on how mean he’s being but then he hears a laugh come from beside him. He looks to see Jihoon covering his mouth and biting back a grin and all too suddenly, he feels a weight he didn’t even know was on his shoulders lift off from him.

“Now the _ real _ question is,” Jaehwan starts, leaning forward with his elbow on the table and placing his chin on his hand, eyes squinting and darting between them. “Who’s topping who?”

“Hyung!”

“Dude!!”

With all previous doubts out the window, Daniel thinks their dinner that night couldn’t have played out any better than it did. They've gone back to how it usually is when the three of them are together and he can't help but feel the least bit ecstatic that while there'd been a huge change, their bond remains the same.

He reaps the fruits of his reward later that night when he and Jihoon are finally back home and getting ready for bed. He’s already settled and lying over their covers, playing a game on his phone and only vaguely aware of Jihoon sliding in to sit beside him after having just finished his shower.

“Ah! Darn it. I died.” He pouts, putting his phone down and finally facing his boyfriend. Jihoon’s hair is still slightly damp but he looks as handsome as ever, staring at him with a small smile.

“Hyung?”

Daniel rolls to his side so his full attention is on him. “Hm?”

A pause, quiet and full, before Jihoon reaches forward and takes his hand in his. He gives it a soft squeeze, three times.

“Thank you.”

Daniel doesn’t need to ask what for nor does he have doubts on the meaning. It's there in everything and nothing around them. He knows exactly what Jihoon is telling him so he responds by returning the gesture with his hand.

“Just to give you a heads up, I’m not through with tonight Hoon-ah.” He grins, enjoying the way Jihoon’s eyes widen slightly. “Jaehwan’s just the beginning. When our schedules are free I’m taking you back to Busan to tell Woojin and Jinyoung. And while we’re at it, we’ll go have dinner with my mom too since we’re there.”

He watches the full look of surprise and mild panic that crosses Jihoon’s face, watches it blow his features until it slowly dies down into something he’s more familiar with; a warm smile, a nod.

“I can’t wait.”

It’s physically impossible for Daniel not to pull Jihoon to him then, using his strength to bring him down on the bed while he hovers above him to connect their lips together. He feels him exhale a breath through the kiss, feels him sinking in from the touch while his fingers tangle in his hair.

“So,” Daniel asks when they break, eyes hooded and playfully narrowing at Jihoon’s. “Who’s topping who tonight?”

Jihoon lets out a breathy chuckle and Daniel can feel the laugh down where their chests are flush. And all too suddenly, he’s being man-handled and flipped over until it’s his back that’s laid on the mattress and he's now the one being looked down on. Jihoon kisses him again, softer but a whole lot fiercer. Like his lips are carrying something heavy, full and weighted that he wants him to feel as well. 

“I love you.”

Daniel blinks in slight surprise, trying to focus on what just came out of Jihoon’s mouth. He looks into his eyes, into the dark depths that are very easy to get lost in. Jihoon looks just as surprised as he is by what he said, but the shock doesn’t diminish the magnitude of it. There’s no doubt, no hesitation, no action to take back what just came out. 

Daniel smiles up at him, feeling the same instinctive drive rise up from his own chest with words he didn't realize he also wanted to say until now. 

“I love you too, Jihoon-ah.”


	4. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

“Did you think you would last?”

Daniel doesn’t look up at the question this time and just continues to stare into his half-empty shot glass. A quiet sigh escapes him, he’s had enough drinks for tonight.

“At the time? Yes.”

He hears Jihyo chuckle, the lighthearted sound a welcome respite from what he's currently feeling. “It’d have to be pretty twisted if you didn’t,” she says, teasing. “Every relationship feels like it’ll last forever in the beginning. I guess what I meant to ask was, when did you stop thinking that you would last?”

"I—" Daniel frowns trying to come up with an answer. As much as he remembers a lot about that time in his life, he comes up short on this one. "I don't know exactly. It was sooner than I would've preferred though, that much I'm sure of."

Jihyo nods but doesn't really say anything to add andjust pours herself another shot and hisses as it goes down. They stay like that for a while, silent with only the barely audible hum of the air conditioner resounding in the room. 

"I'm sorry," Jihyo begins to say. "I understand if you don't want to talk about it anymore."

"No, no. It's cool. I'm fine, I just—" His breath catches at the words. Funny. He's been saying the exact same phrase for over three years now and yet his body still betrays him from the lie. He picks up his half a shot glass and dunks it down, shaking his head in the process.

"I'm okay, Jihyo."

Another silent pause. Jihyo just stares at him. Reading him, probably making sure he's really okay. Daniel honestly thinks he's still on that side considering he hasn't shed a single tear. At least not yet.

"You mentioned that you always blamed yourself for what happened between you two, so now it makes me curious." She frowns a little, crossing her arms and slightly tilting her head to the side. "How did things turn from kisses in the rain to you being at fault enough to break? What changed?"

At least _ that _ Daniel knows the answer to.

"Nothing about us really changed—well, at first." He looks down, frowning at his lap. "It's not really about what changed between us but...more on how we handled the change."

Jihyo nods silently, taking in his words. "So what caused it in the first place?"

The memory flashes in an instant, and Daniel has to close his hands from under the table to make sure he's not going numb. 

“I lost my job. I was let go by my company,” he says. The day of which he’s referring to still standing clear in his head as if it was only yesterday. “It was probably one of the darkest periods of my life. Imagine, my dream job which I thought I was doing so well at suddenly upends on me, saying that my skills weren’t as good as they initially thought and that they couldn’t keep going forward with me.”

Daniel shakes his head, taking a deep breath and releasing a subsequent exhale of pent up breath before continuing. It's been so long, and things are extremely different now but recalling how it was during that time still feels brings him the same feelings.

“I got depressed. I wouldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t know what to do with my life basically, all my passion and dreams and everything I had worked so hard for felt like they all burned down to the ground in an instant. The only good thing I had left was Jihoon. He was really the only one keeping me sane at the time. Everything felt like shit and he was the only one I could hold on to...and I guess I just held on to him too tight.”

***

Daniel puts on his pants methodically, left leg before the right, sliding his long limbs in before affixing it up top. He tucks in his white, long-sleeved button down and fastens his belt buckle, sighing when he faces the mirror to check his polished and well-groomed appearance. He has a new pimple on his cheek, but by now he's already resigned to the breakout messing up his face that he doesn't give it a second glance.

He fixes his hair next, combs it over with his fingers and slightly ruffling the dark brown locks for a more natural look. Lastly, a bit of cologne to tie up everything. It's routine now, one he doesn’t really like if he’s being completely honest, but it has to be done.

He hears the jingle of keys and the quiet turn of a lock a few minutes later. Even after all this time, it frankly still amazes him that their apartment can go from dark and cold to radiating with pure warmth in an instant and all from a single person being the cause of. For the first time since getting up from bed two hours ago, he smiles.

“I’m home,” Jihoon says at the front door, quickly taking his shoes off and briskly walking towards him. He stands on his toes and pecks him on the cheek. 

"Welcome home." Daniel returns the gesture and kisses him on the forehead before Jihoon gives him a once-over with a wanton smile playing on his features.

“You look handsome.”

He snorts, rolling his eyes a little. “You say that every time you see me getting ready.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true though.” Jihoon winks, one of his hands finding their way to Daniel’s, clasping them tight.

“I made you dinner. I put it in the microwave,” he says, untangling their fingers a second too soon and going back to the mirror to finish up. He picks up the same black tie, props his phone on the dresser and follows the same skillful hands in the demonstration video he plays on the screen. One month of this routine and he still doesn’t know how to tie a wretched piece of satin fabric without YouTube to help him.

“Thank you,” Jihoon says, stepping beside him to push his hands away and take the reins. Daniel lets him, watches him expertly make seamless loops and tugs with the dark fabric. “Did you eat?”

He nods, not trusting himself to voice out a lie. Jihoon doesn’t need to know that he’s only made a meal for one. He already worries enough.

“Did you get any call backs?” He asks next, just as he finishes his task and pats the necktie proudly over where his clavicles meet. 

“Just one. Maroo Entertainment. I’m going there tomorrow after my shift.”

“That’s great!” Jihoon smiles, his teeth showing and glowing like a thousand suns. “Why don’t you sound excited about it? You should be happy.”

Daniel just shrugs, forcing up a smile of his own. “It’s just a callback Jihoon-ah. How many does this make now? Ten?” He says, trying his best not to sound too venomous, failing a little. “At this rate, it's really not that different from my starting applications. It’s no big deal.”

Jihoon tuts, his hands going up to fix his collar. “Callbacks mean you’re being considered for the job, and that the company sees your talent and how good and passionate you are.”

“Yeah, until someone more talented and more passionate than me comes along.” Daniel snorts, immediately regretting the slip up when he sees Jihoon’s smile dropping. “Sorry.”

“I’m sure you’ll get it this time.” He nods, exuding optimism. “And if you don’t, then it’s just not the right one yet.”

Daniel wants to say that he’s stopped believing in the existence of ‘the right one’ a long time ago and that honestly, he just wants a job where he can actually do what he loves. He wants to say that Jihoon’s said this exact same phrase for all the times he’s tried to apply to an entertainment company and that it’s starting to sound really tired and senseless to him. He doesn’t though and just nods and puts on his best smile, even if they both know he’s only faking it.

“I better go,” he says, grasping Jihoon’s hands in his and slowly removing them from his neck to leave a kiss on each of his palms. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Will you be home when I wake up?” 

Daniel purses his lips, this time going for honesty. “I’m taking a few extra hours Hoon-ah. I’ll just see you same time tomorrow night when you get back home from work, okay?"

Jihoon pouts just like Daniel expects him to, and he uses this opportunity to lean down and peck his lips in hopes that it’ll distract him enough to drop the subject. But of course it doesn’t.

“Don’t wear yourself out too much, hyung. I still don’t like you working overtime and—”

“The hourly fee on the practice studio isn’t going to pay for itself Hoon.”

“I told you I can help,” Jihoon says, almost pleadingly. “I have more than enough—”

“That’s _ your _ money,” Daniel says firmly. Breathing for a second to keep a hold on himself. “Can we not talk about this tonight? Please?”

Jihoon frowns a little at him. He already knows how opposed his boyfriend is with this issue and the argument isn’t a new one for either of them. Daniel considers himself lucky at least, when Jihoon concedes and just nods.

“Just promise me you’ll eat something on your break. And don’t lie to me. I’ll be texting Jungkook-hyung to check on you.”

Daniel chuckles, nodding. “Alright, alright.”

“You promise?”

“Promise.” And with that, Daniel pulls him forward for another kiss. Still, nothing cheers him up better than his boyfriend’s lips moving against his own. 

“I love you, hyung,” Jihoon says in a soft voice when they break, letting Daniel go.

“I love you too. Rest well. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Daniel steps out of their apartment building and out into night-time Seoul not long after. He secures his backpack on one shoulder, walks the same path to get to the main street and waits for his usual bus to pick him up at the stop. It’s been roughly more than a month since he went from assistant choreographer to coffee barista down at a twenty-four hour cafe in Myeongdong. More than a month of this temporary setback—or so as Jihoon likes to call it—that always starts to feel a little permanent with every bus ride he takes.

He takes the night shift, more out of necessity than anything. The pay is better and he doesn’t have a hard time getting by with his expenses thanks to the night differential and extra overtime, but mostly it means that his mornings and afternoons are free which in turn gives him time to apply to jobs he actually wants to move forward in, attend interviews and dance callbacks, and rehearse at the small dance studio near their apartment during the day.

It’s not easy, especially when he’s basically running on only a few hours of sleep on most days on top of the constant turn downs and rejections from every company he’s ever applied to. It’s completely demotivating, draining his morale, but perhaps what he thinks is the biggest sacrifice he’s going through now is that he barely has time with Jihoon anymore. 

They work on the opposite spectrum each day and they only really ever get to see each other in the one-hour window when Daniel’s getting ready for work and Jihoon arrives home just like tonight. The weekends aren’t necessarily better either, when most of the time he just catches up on his sleep when he's not practicing at the dance studio.

The work itself isn't too terrible at least, and when Daniel gets to the cafe twenty minutes before his shift, his mood instantly lifts up a bit when he sees Jungkook serving a customer at the counter. The one good thing out of all this, he thinks, is the company he shares his graveyard hours with. He's found a good friend in Jungkook, and the long shifts honestly don't feel that horrible with him around. 

They exchange a smile when he passes by, right before he goes into their break room to clock in and don his black apron. He checks his reflection over at the small mirror hanging on one side of the wall, slapping his cheeks a bit to wake himself up. 

“Yo.” Jungkook greets him when he comes out, just finishing up the drink he’s preparing.

“Hey. Slow night?”

“So-so.” He nods, capping the drink he’s holding and calling out the customer at the pick-up station. He walks back to Daniel wiping his hands on his apron, a weird smile on his face.

“What?”

Jungkook just smiles wider, crouching down to open one of the lower cupboards and pulling out a brown Burger King take-out bag. “Got you a lil’ something.”

“Kookie—”

“Ap-ap! Before you say anything, I’m only the messenger here. Your boyfriend was the one who ordered this and I just picked it up,” he says, handing him the bag. “Your shift doesn’t start in a few minutes anyway. Go eat first.”

Daniel sighs, staring at the food in his hands. “I’ll eat it later.”

“No can do, hyung.” Jungkook shakes his head, looking mischievously pleased with himself. “I have strict instructions to take a photo of you eating and sending it to Jihoon. Now go. Eat.”

Daniel just rolls his eyes, waving a hand in surrender and going back in the break room. He doesn’t realize how hungry he is until he opens up the wrapper and the smell of a freshly made cheeseburger hits him in the face. He smiles when Jungkook points his phone’s camera at him, making a peace sign after he takes his first bite.

“Where’s Seongwu-hyung?” He asks mid-chew, words slightly muffled. “I don’t think I saw him out there.”

“I don’t think he’s coming in tonight,” Jungkook answers, busy typing on his phone. Probably messaging Jihoon. “Remember he was complaining to us a few days ago about having to pick up some of his relatives coming to town?”

“That’s tonight?”

"Maybe." He shrugs, pocketing his phone. "Anyway I gotta get back out there. Jihoon says to check your phone."

Daniel nods at him, taking another bite of his burger just as Jungkook leaves to man the counter again. He fishes his phone out to see one unread message from his boyfriend.

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ liar :p _

Daniel chuckles to himself, raising his phone up to take a selfie with his burger next to his face and sending it as a reply.

** _Daniel: _ ** _ thank you baby :) and im sorry. I didnt want you to worry. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ you just make me worry more. Do I have to keep asking Jungkook-hyung every time to check on you? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ im okay hoon-ah. I was about to buy something to eat anyway.. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ that’s what you said last time. How am i supposed to believe that if you keep lying to me _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ im sorry :( _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ are u mad? :( _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ no. _

** _Hoon-ah:_ ** _ just please take care of yourself better. If not for you then do it for me at least. _

Daniel sighs at his screen, taking in the last chunk of his meal and tiredly rubbing the back of his neck. So much for not making an issue out of this tonight.

** _Daniel: _ ** _ okay. Im sorry :( _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i have to start my shift now. dont stay up too late okay? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i love you. goodnight hoon-ah _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ ok. i love you too _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ nielie! How'd it go at Maroo? _

** _Daniel:_ ** _ i just finished the dance callback. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i didnt get it. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ :(((( _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ do you wanna meet up? We can have lunch together. Lets go get some japanese food :) _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ maybe next time hoon. I kinda just wanna go home and sleep. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ okay :( i bought some ramen last night. It’s in the left cupboard in case you get hungry _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ i also bought a few packs of jelly! But dont finish it all in one go! :p _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ ok. thank you. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ im getting on the train now. talk to you later. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ okay. take care baby. I love you. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ niel? are u still at work? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ no. im at the studio _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ on a saturday? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ you should be sleeping in :( _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ wait. did you even come home yet?? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i’ll come home later _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ niel… _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i need to practice jihoon. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ i’ll bring you some breakfast. what do you want? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ im not hungry _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ daniel. please. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ jihoon im fine. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ daniel. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ pls just let me practice. I promise I’ll eat when I get home. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ just 1 more hour. pls. im sorry _

"How about this, hyung?" Jungkook nudges him, showing him his phone screen. "Contemporary dancing, modern choreography, and hip hop. The office is just over in Apgujeong."

"I think I already applied to that Kook. Didn't get it."

"Oh. What about this one then? Pledis entertainment?"

"Tried, and failed."

“Music Works?”

“No interview.”

“OUI entertainment?”

“Didn’t call me back.”

“Using your phones on the job boys?” A voice says to their right over at the front counter. “I may have to file a complaint with your management for customer negligence.”

“Seongwu-hyung!” He and Jungkook yell at the same time, immediately going over to their the dark-haired man beaming at them on the other end, clapping him on the back all bright with smiles.

“Where have you been?”

“Yeah man! We haven’t seen you since last week. We were beginning to get worried.” Daniel smiles at him, his hand never leaving his shoulder.

“Sorry guys. My parents are having me babysit my cousins,” Seongwu says, scratching his head. “Can I get my usual please? I don’t think I can survive my shift at the office later without caffeine.”

“One chocolate, double-shot frappe coming right up!” Jungkook says, grabbing a cup and starting on the order. Seongwu fishes for his wallet in his pocket until Daniel stops him.

“Tell you what. My treat.”

“Niel-ah, you don’t have to—”

“It’s cool man. Number one customer privileges.” Daniel winks at him, logging the order on the register. “Aren't you a little early today though? Doesn't your shift start at nine or something?”

“Eight." Seongwu smiles tiredly, leaning on the counter to face him. "I still got an hour to spare. I wanted to come early today so I could catch you guys before your shift ends. I’m still on babysitting duty until further notice so I can’t really come by like I usually do at night.”

Jungkook comes back over and slides him his drink, adding extra cream and chocolate sprinkles than what’s acceptable by company policy before popping a straw on it. Seongwu gladly reaches over and takes a sip, a laden sigh escaping him.

“Mmm, that hits the spot,” he says, taking another. “So what about you guys? How have you been?”

“Same old, same old.” Jungkook shrugs. “We were looking for companies for Daniel-hyung to apply to before you came in.”

“Oh, still no luck?” Seongwu asks, concern lacing his tone. Daniel just shakes his head trying not to look too dejected.

“I just gotta keep trying harder, I guess.”

The words come out more pathetic and morose than he intended, and he feels Seongwu reach over at the counter to place a hand above his own, giving it a warm pat.

“Hang in there, Niel. Maybe I can—”

The bell of the cafe’s entrance rings, signaling another customer. Daniel finds out who it is from hearing Jungkook before he even gets to look up and see him, but an automatic smile still makes its way up into his face all the same when he does.

"Jihoon!" Comes Junkook's loud greeting which Jihoon waves at, but his eyes never leave Daniel as he walks over to them.

"Hey."

"Hey. What are you doing here?"

Jihoon stops in front of him across the counter, shrugging. "I just thought I'd come and visit you," he says before turning to his side and looking straight at Seongwu. "Hello."

Not expecting to be acknowledged, Seongwu semi-chokes on his drink and faces Jihoon, swallowing audibly before speaking.

"Oh, hi...umm—" he turns to Daniel next, who is by now chuckling at the helpless look his friend is giving him. 

"Hyung this is my boyfriend, Jihoon," he says in a giggle. "Hoon-ah this is Ong Seongwu. He's one of our regulars here during our shift."

Seongwu puts his drink down and proceeds to bow, smiling politely. "Ah, it's so nice to meet you Jihoon-ssi."

“Likewise,” Jihoon says, nodding curtly.

"Oh, I just realized. You guys are actually both in the media field.”

It surprises the both of them, simultaneously looking over to Daniel then back at each other.

“Oh, what are you majoring, Jihoon-ssi?” Seongwu asks, earning himself another set of laughs from behind the counter.

“He's _majored_ comm-arts. He’s actually already graduated, hyung,” Jungkook says, a bit of pride coloring his words. “Jihoon here’s a certified genius. A real-life prodigy.”

Jihoon just rolls his eyes as he so usually does whenever this topic comes up in conversation. Seongwu's however, blows up wide in awe.

“Woah. That’s amazing—”

“Are you getting off soon?” Jihoon suddenly turns to Daniel, and he doesn’t miss the slight annoyance in his tone. “I was thinking of grabbing breakfast before I head to work.”

Daniel checks the time on the cashier’s monitor, biting his lip in the process. “My shift ends in an hour...but I was kinda planning on doing a bit of overtime Hoon-ah. We could have breakfast here if you want? I could make us waffles.” 

“Oh, make that three then! I’m down for some waffles too.” Seongwu grins beside him, a stark contrast to Jihoon’s passive face.

“I’ll just grab something on my way to work then,” he says, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder as he starts stepping back. “I’ll see you at home. It was nice seeing you Jungkook-hyung—Seongwu-ssi.” He nods to the both of them before turning around and leaving the cafe without another glance. Daniel can feel something weird settling in his gut when the door jingles to a close, something he can’t make out until Jungkook voices it from behind him.

“Are you two okay?”

Daniel looks at him, surprised that even Seongwu is giving him the same concerned expression.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t we be?”

“Hyung. If that wasn’t an angry walk-out right there, then I don’t know what is.”

“I have to agree.” Seongwu raises his hands, shrinking in on himself. “Your boyfriend’s umm... kinda scary. Why do I feel like I said something wrong?”

Daniel just blinks at them, forcing out a small laugh to lighten the mood. “You guys are being ridiculous. Jihoon’s always like that. Nothing’s going on.”

He nods to himself for good measure, playing back in his head what had just happened in the last five minutes. Of course nothing is going on. He’s sure of it.

Right?

** _Daniel: _ ** _ Hoon-aaaah _

He shoots him a text despite his confidence though, when he's settled himself in bed after getting home that same morning. He justifies his actions in his head by telling himself that there's absolutely no harm in checking.

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ ? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ are you mad at me? :( _

The next response doesn't come as quickly, and Daniel sees the floating dots of their chat stream reappear a whopping five times before he gets one. He bites his lip. Maybe Jungkook and Seongwu were right.

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ why would I be mad? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ cause we didnt get to eat breakfast earlier.. _

** _Hoon-ah:_ ** _ you think id get mad about that? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ that's why im asking :( are you? _

Another lull, and Daniel digs deeper into his lip and tries his best not to count the minutes in anticipation.

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ no. im not about breakfast. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ im sorry :( _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i'll make it up to you. how about we go out tomorrow instead? _

** _Hoon-ah:_ ** _ dont you have to work overtime. Again. Like you always do. _

Daniel winces a bit at that, although he knows he deserves the bluntness.

** _Daniel: _ ** _ not tomorrow. we can go eat pancakes. my treat :) _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ well...i do love pancakes… _

** _Daniel:_ ** _ :)))) _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ ok ok _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ im sorry if i seemed mad. i just really miss you hyung. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i miss you too :( and dont apologize. its my fault, not yours. I'll make it up to you okay? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ okay. i'll come by around 7 :) _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ you should get some sleep now. rest well hyung. I love you _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ ok. love you too _

"Wow. You're actually clocking out _ on time _?" Jungkook looks at him incredulously as he settles the register. There's still half an hour before their shift ends, but Daniel already has his tie and apron off. Seven in the morning's a dead hour anyway, with only a few customers coming in to buy a quick coffee or pastry to-go.

"I have a breakfast date with Jihoon."

"Ah, so he _ was _ mad about it yesterday." Jungkook snickers as he wipes their countertops. Daniel's about to quip a comeback when their door opens in a loud jingle.

"Niel!"

"Hyung." Daniel smiles in greeting, taking in the other man's haggard appearance coming across the cashier panting. "What's wrong? Don't tell me you ran all the way here?"

"I—woke up—late," he says in between breaths. "I wanted to catch you—before your shift ends."

"Here dude." Jungkook comes to stand beside them, handing Seongwu a cup of water.

"Thanks."

"So what's so important that you had to run all the way here for?"

Seongwu chugs down the entire glass and lets out a satisfied 'ahh' before wiping his mouth with his sleeve. He catches his breath a little before leaning over to him across the counter again with his face breaking into a huge smile.

"So you know how my extended family is in town right? Well, we were out having dinner last night and I was complaining to one of my uncles about your situation. I was telling him what a good dancer you are and how it’s unfair how all these companies keep rejecting you and—”

“Hyung—”

“Shh! Don’t interrupt!” He puts a finger up to his lips to silence him. “Anyway, I ended up showing my uncle some of the videos you post on your instagram and he agrees that you’re really good. He asked me to share your profile with him so he could show it to one of his friends and turns out, this friend of his is the CEO of BigHit entertainment!!”

“Shut up.” This time it’s Jungkook who pipes in, totally engrossed with Seongwu whose smile just keeps growing by the second.

“That’s not all. Have you checked your email yet?”

Daniel blinks, his mind thinking of when he last looked at his phone. He left in their break room since the start of his shift last night and hasn’t checked it since. Jungkook’s one step ahead of him, going through the door and handing him his phone excitedly.

“Shit-shit-shit,” Jungkook mutters, practically bouncing beside him. Not wanting to get his hopes up too much, Daniel merely turns his screen on calmly and sure enough, a notification of three unread emails from half an hour ago flashes on his screen. 

“It's from BigHit. They want me to walk in for an interview later and—” Daniel blinks at the message a few times to make sure he isn’t just seeing things. To make sure the words are real.

“And what?!” Jungkook slaps him in the arm, all riled up.

“They’re already offering me a paid internship. _ Holy fuck _.” He looks up from his phone to Seongwu's face-splitting grin. 

"Congrats, Niel."

“Ong Seongwu!!” Daniel bounds to the other side of the counter in a rush and immediately crushes his hyung in a massive bear hug. Jungkook is screaming and jumping for joy by the side while Daniel literally lifts Seongwu off his feet and spins them around, taking advantage of the empty cafe.

“Fuck!” Daniel yells out, putting him down but still squeezing him in his arms. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!!”

“N-Niel—can’t-breathe—”

Daniel laughs and finally lets him go, but the huge grin in both their faces still stays. He can feel tears pooling in his eyes, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest and his cheeks hurting from all the smiling. He doesn’t even remember the last time he felt this light, so completely coated in bliss that everything around him feels like it’s giving him energy.

“I can’t wait to tell Jihoon. Fuck, I’m so happy,” he says, unable to help himself and lunging at Seongwu again for another hug. “Hyung. I owe you big time. I’ll treat you to anything you want, just name it. You too Kook!”

Jungkook raises both his arms from behind the counter, matching their energy. "Barbecuuue!!"

"We can do it on your guys' day off," Seongwu says, nodding in agreement. "But right now, I have to rush to work."

"Wait, lemme fix you up a drink first. It's the least I can do right now," Daniel says, going back behind to quickly make his usual order but making sure to add a few special fixins to the mix. "Thanks again man. Laters!"

Seongwu waves to the both of them by the door, sipping at his frappe as he rushes back out of the cafe. Daniel checks his phone again, rereading the email and letting the news fully sink in.

"What time is Jihoon gonna be here?" Jungkook asks him, and Daniel blinks a little in surprise. In all the excitement just now he almost forgot about their breakfast date. 

"Oh yeah. Lemme call him."

Daniel rings him three times, all without an answer. Just when he begins to feel a little worried, he gets a message notification.

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ something came up. i cant make it to breakfast with you today. sorry _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ oh, that's fine but...is eveything ok?? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ yeah. just some work stuff being rushed. dont worry :) _

Daniel debates then whether he should tell him the good news now since the excitement and bliss is still quite literally running through his bloodstream. His fingers want to type in the message so badly, but he holds himself. It'll be better to tell him after he actually goes to the interview later, and when they see each other in person.

** _Daniel: _ ** _ okay. i'll just see you tonight back home then :) _

A plan begins to form in his head along with the realization that it's been a while since he and Jihoon went out on a date—or even just eat a proper meal together in their apartment. He smiles to himself, the size of which is doubled by everything else he's feeling.

"Hey Kook, can I take my shift off for tonight?"

It's nothing fancy, but Daniel wants it to feel as cozy and casual as possible and as he looks at the food he laid out on their small dining table, he thinks he’s achieved that ambiance. Home cooked spaghetti and meatballs with an old bottle of wine Jaehwan gifted to them when they first moved in. Daniel’s only even wearing track pants and a semi-fitted shirt wanting it to be a statement that for the first time in a while, Jihoon comes home to him not looking like he's leaving the house.

He hears the tell-tale sound of keys from outside and the soft click of the lock right on time, and his heart warms ten-fold at the sight of the person entering.

"Welcome home," he says, walking over to Jihoon almost immediately, leaving a kiss at the top of his head.

"Hey. Why aren't you getting ready yet?" Jihoon says eith a slight frown, crouching down to remove his shoes.

"I took the night off." He grins, stepping back a little to show him his little setup at their table. "I made us dinner."

“Oh. Thanks, I’m starving.” 

They head on over and take their seats across from each other, and Daniel drinks in the way Jihoon’s eyes widen and salivate over the food in front of him. He thinks this is why feeding Jihoon has become one of his most favorite pastimes; there’s nothing more satisfying than watching a person who eats their food with their eyes first.

“What’s with the wine?”

Daniel just shrugs, trying to feign casual. “I’m making up for being a bad boyfriend yesterday.”

Jihoon doesn’t look up at him when he says that, merely nods and thanks him again for the food again before forking his pasta. Daniel follows suit, pouring on his and Jihoon’s cheap wine glasses before he starts eating himself. 

They’re halfway through their meal when Daniel absolutely can’t hold it in anymore, his mind flashing back to the good news of today. He puts his fork down and clears his throat before speaking.

“Hoon-ah? I have something to tell you.”

Jihoon pauses midchew, looks up at Daniel and slowly swallows his food down. He takes a sip of his wine first, his face scrunching a little.

“What is it?”

The wide grin forms itself without any of his control and he lets it, ignoring the confused look Jihoon gives him when the words come out of his mouth.

“I finally got a job.”

It doesn’t sink in right away, but Daniel can see the gears turning and the information settling in his boyfriend’s eyes slowly and concretely. The corners of his lips tilt up in contrast with the suspicious frown he’s sporting that’s probably trying to discern whether he’s joking or not.

“For real?” He says, like an exhalation of bated breath full of hope and trepidation. When Daniel nods, Jihoon immediately gets up from his seat and crosses the short distance to get to him, pulling him from his chair slightly to plant a deep and meaningful kiss on his lips.

“Shit. Oh my god. Shit.” Jihoon laughs, airy and contagious leaving him another short kiss. “When? What company? How?”

Daniel laughs along with him, snaking an arm around his waist. “BigHit entertainment. I just passed the interview earlier and they said they liked me. It’s only a small company though and they’re just starting out, and they only offered for me to be a paid intern first but at least it’s a start.”

“Holy shit that’s—” Jihoon lets out a breath, shaking his head in euphoric disbelief. “I knew you could do it hyung! I’m so, _ so _happy for you! Congratulations!” He says, bounding forward and wrapping both arms around his neck in a tight hug.

Daniel feels the sensational warmth spreading through him, hugs Jihoon back with the same intensity and nestling his cheek on the side of his head. “I’m so happy too, Jihoon-ah. God, I can’t believe it. If it wasn’t for Seongwu-hyung I—”

He feels it before he sees it: Jihoon’s entire body stiffening against his hold as if he just touched a live wire. He immediately pulls away, holding Daniel at arm’s length with a frown starting to form on his face. His brows are creasing and his eyes are a painting of confusion and something else Daniel can’t really make out.

“Seongwu?” He repeats the name, the tone of his voice dropping.

“Yeah. You met him yesterday right? Turns out his uncle who’s visiting Seoul is best friends with the CEO of BigHit and he put in a good word for me. He showed them my instagram dance videos and everything.” Daniel beams, the feeling from what happened this morning down at the cafe still resonating in him. It falters in the next instant, however, when he sees the worsening expression on Jihoon’s face.

He can’t tell what it is exactly, but it’s definitely not the reaction he’s expecting. Jihoon’s face is cold and blank, brows dipped and lips pursed in a tight line. All the warmth and easy-going laughter from a few seconds ago is gone without a single trace.

“What’s wrong?”

Jihoon carefully untangles himself from his hold, taking a small step backward. “Is that why you were hugging him this morning?”

Daniel blinks, confused. “Yeah, when he told me the good ne—wait, how do you even know that?”

“Am I not supposed to?”

"What? No I just meant—” Okay, now he’s even more confused. “How could you have known I hugged him earlier? Did you see us?”

When Jihoon crosses his arms and looks down without an answer, the pieces start falling into place in Daniel’s head.

“You were there,” he says. This much is clear but there are still a few holes in his guesswork. “Why didn’t you come in when you were already there? I was waiting for you, you know.”

Jihoon snorts, a humorless chuckle wisping out of his breath. “Well forgive me for not wanting to ruin your moment with your little _ friend _.”

“Wait, wait—” Daniel puts both his hands up, not missing the edge and how he basically sneered that last word out. He pulls his head back, smirking coyly. “Were you _ jealous?” _He says, laughing a little and reaching a hand out to touch Jihoon. “Hoon-ah, there’s not—”

But Jihoon pulls himself away, his movement harsh and jerky that's indicative of how this is more than just petty jealousy. Daniel immediately swallows down his own playfulness and shifts his demeanor to a more serious note, starting off with a small smile.

“Hoon-ah, that didn’t mean anything. There’s nothing to be jealous about here. Seongwu-hyung’s just a friend.”

"_F__riend. _ For now you mean."

"What?" Daniel shakes his head, a small amount of panic mixing in with his confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't know." Jihoon still isn't looking at him, shrugging his shoulders heavily. "I just think it's _ so _ convenient that Seongwu all of a sudden has this to pull up his sleeve."

Daniel can only blink, words and coherence failing him. "Jihoon, Seongwu-hyung has been my friend since the day I first started working at the cafe. You can even ask Jungkook. And I hug people all the time. I really don't understand what the big deal is here."

Jihoon’s head snaps up at that, and the gaze he holds is anything but belief. “Really? Then answer me this: have you seen yourself in the mirror lately, Niel? Have you seen the face you constantly make when you get ready for work in the evening? When you come home from an interview or callback after getting rejected by another company? When you push yourself too hard at the dance studio after practicing for hours?”

“I—” Daniel stutters. He hasn’t seen this side of Jihoon in a while and it's honestly giving him a chill. “What are you—?”

“Do you even have any idea how much it breaks me Niel? To see you so beaten up and tired every single day like that?" Jihoon questions him, his voice steadily rising. "I've been trying to be here for you, trying to cheer you up for the past month and a half. I’ve been doing my best to make you smile and bring back your old self that used to laugh at every little damn thing. I understand that it's not easy. I understand what you're going through and that maybe, _ I'm _ just not good enough to bring that out of you yet. But why the _ fuck _ does Seongwu get to do that for you?!" Jihoon practically spits it out, seething.

"Why is it that in the two times I've seen you with him, the same smile I've been trying to get out of you is so easily plastered on your face as if every problem you're having didn't exist? Why the hell does it feel like all the effort and care I’ve been trying to shower you with feels so inconsequential compared to what _ he _ does for you?"

Daniel feels his mouth go dry seeing how red Jihoon's face is becoming. He can tell how much this is bothering him, how affected he is. And the fact that he’s been oblivious to it this whole time just doubles the gravity of it even more.

“Jihoon-ah. I-I’m sorry. I didn’t realize—” He clears his throat, taking a steady breath. “You don’t have to be jealous, okay? I swear, Seongwu’s just a friend. I know now that I’m pretty bad at showing it, but I really do appreciate you being here for me. You’re literally the only thing keeping me sane here, and I’m sorry if I failed to make it seem that way.”

He wants to reach out to him, hold Jihoon’s hand and embrace him and tell him he loves him. He wants to make him feel how just how much he means everything he just said. He’s even about to, but the next words out of Jihoon’s mouth stops him cold.

“I don’t want you to take the job.”

Daniel involuntarily frowns, and he knows it’s the wrong thing to feel but a small amount of anger still manages to worm its way into his system. 

“Jihoon—”

“I mean it, Daniel.” His eyes are steel, the words slicing the air sharp. “I don’t want you taking any favors and owing him. Hell, I don’t even want you _ seeing _ him.”

“Are you being serious right now?” Daniel says, the embers inside him starting a small flame. “After everything you just said about understanding how hard I have it going, you’re going to tell me not to take a job I’ve been working _ so hard _ for all because you’re jealous? Don’t you trust me?”

“I don’t trust _ him.” _

“Seongwu has a girlfriend!” Daniel yells, unable to hold it back anymore. He knows it’s a mistake, still, so he bites his lip down and tries to take a calming breath. 

“So?” Jihoon spits back, his voice like ice. “That didn’t stop you before, did it? Or do you also not know you’re cheating again just like the last time you cheated on your ex-girlfriend?”

Something inside him snaps, and the fire he’s been trying to stomp on suddenly blazes to life like a gasoline coated hearth. “You think I’m cheating on you?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done it—”

“Don’t you dare use what I told you that night!”

“And why the hell not?!” Jihoon yells back, his hands forming to fists on his side. “Because you’re afraid that it’s true?! That you’re guilty of doing it again?! Because from what I can tell, you’re probably screwing Seongwu so well to the point that he practically hands you over this job you want so bad!”

"_This job _ is my dream Jihoon! It's not just something I put lightly and you of all people should know that!"

"Which gives you exactly the motive you need to get into his pants!"

“Do you fucking hear yourself right now?! So what, are you saying that I'm not good enough? That I'm only getting this because I'm ‘screwing’ someone to give me favors?”

"You can look at it however way you want Daniel but the fact remains."

Daniel lets out an empty huff, head shaking. "I can't believe you."

“See, you’re not even denying it!”

“Because it’s so fucking _ stupid!! _“ He lashes out, making a point with his hands. “Not to mention selfish and completely out of line! You know, I understand why you think this way Jihoon, I really do. I know where you’re coming from. I know your parents left you and you’ve never seen any kind of relationship work out in your life but don’t you fucking dare use your emotional baggage and insecurities to accuse me and belittle the amount of work I’m putting for my future here.”

“So what, I’m supposed to just sit still and keep quiet while another guy is sucking you off?”

“I am _ not _ fucking with anyone!!"

"And I'm supposed to just believe _ everything _ you tell me even when it looks like you're lying?"

"YES!” Daniel can feel his throat scratching, his vision going red. “In case it _ still _ isn't clear to you, it's called _ trust _ Jihoon! Why is it so hard for you to give me that?!"

"Because I can't fucking see why I should Daniel!"

He looks at Jihoon’s face that he thinks is exactly mirroring his own. The words he wants to yell back don't come out anymore and instead, he just lets out a humorless chuckle and a slight shake of the head.

"You're unbelievable. I knew you were damaged, but I didn’t realize you’d actually go this far into feeding into your stupid delusions,” Daniel says, right before he strides over to their closet to pull out one of his hoodies. His shoes are on the next second, and not a moment later is the echoing slam of their front door behind him.

With Daniel being the kind of guy that he is, it only ever really takes a good ten minutes of walking outside the streets for some fresh air to get himself to calm down. In fact, he hasn't even left the vicinity of their apartment complex when he begins to feel his anger slowly ebbing away. 

He doesn't go home yet though, a little because of pride but also because he knows Jihoon would only fan the flames again if he went back to him too soon. So he walks over to the park that traverses along the Han river, trying to clear his head. He used to go here with Jihoon a lot whenever they felt stuffy inside their apartment, taking night strolls and looking at the starless sky even before they became a couple.

Tonight is their first fight as one, and it also doesn't take very long for Daniel to feel regret in place of the anger his chest had been harboring. He had said so many things he shouldn't have. Things he meant, sure, but without the filter of logic to soften the words down. He can't erase from his mind the image of the hurt in Jihoon's eyes, swimming in the mix of his own anger, distrust, and fear.

It hurts him too, his conscience tries to tell him. All the things Jihoon said, his distrust and his blatant accusations—he threw them his way in parts he knew where it'll hurt the most. Daniel knows it was wrong to ride along the anger like he did, but Jihoon couldn't have made it any easier for him either. He couldn't believe that he actually thought he was cheating on him, going so far as to pulling something from the past even though he'd told him before that he regretted doing it.

He sighs, thinking back at the mess they made. Tonight was supposed to be a happy one, with a nice meal and cheap wine to celebrate him finally getting a job. Right now, all that feels so distant. The least of his concerns.

Deciding to stay out for a while, Daniel picks a spot on the railing that overlooks the river, leaning over the edge and watching the reflection of lights from the lamp posts and far away buildings ripple over the water's surface. He hears a plop not too later, a small splash to his right that's probably caused by someone absently kicking over a rock over the edge. 

He doesn't know how long he stays there, but it's probably not a short one when he begins to notice some of the lights in the far off apartment buildings beginning to shut off one by one. He picks his phone out of his pocket for the first time since going out, sees the time on the screen tell him that it's already been a good two hours. His eyes are held in place longer though by his lock screen wallpaper: a selfie of him and Jihoon outside their apartment building from when they first moved in together.

Sighing, he feels the guilt and regret wash over him in a huge wave. The moment he finally decides to go home, however, his phone rings with Jaehwan's face and name flashing on his screen.

"Hello?"

_ "Where the fuck are you?!" _

Daniel pauses, not expecting the sudden bite and barely contained growl on the other end. "I'm at the park, near the Han ri—"

_ "What?!" _

"Is this about Jihoon?" He says, rubbing his fingers between his eyes. He's honestly a little surprised that Jihoon told Jaehwan so soon. 

_ "Of course this is about Jihoon! What the fuck hap—?" _

"Look Jaehwan, I'm just about to head home. So just calm down and—"

_ "I'm at the fucking hospital, Daniel! Don't you dare tell me to calm down and explain to me instead what the hell you're doing at the Han river when Jihoon's here with a broken arm and being questioned by a psychiatrist!!" _

His features morph into a frown, thinking if he heard right. “What? Why are you—”

_ "He fell off your goddamn roof! They just finished questioning me asking whether our friend is suicidal!" _

Daniel's mind stops and his blood freezes cold. A sudden lump finds its way to his throat and he can't breathe, can't move, can't think, can't hear of anything other than the ringing of words Jaehwan just told him. He must've spaced out for a while because Jaehwan is screaming at his ear again.

_ "Daniel!!" _

"W-which hospital?"

He doesn't waste time, running out of the park as fast as his legs would carry him out to the main street to hail the first cab his eyes land on. He couldn't have made the taxi driver go any faster than he did, what with his frantic appearance and tear-stained cheeks. It gets him a lot of odd looks from the rearview mirror, but Daniel couldn't care less. 

He checks his phone, almost crushing the device in an iron grip when he sees no new messages from Jaehwan. He shoots him a text, five consecutive ones, asking for an update but ultimately just shuts his screen off when he's not getting any responses. 

He tries to take deep breaths to calm the erratic pounding of his heart, willing his mind to stay positive and steer away from darkness clouding his every hemisphere. It doesn't help much, and he swears he almost screams in frustration when the cab stops at a red light.

After what's probably the longest twenty-minute car ride of his life, he gets to the hospital and immediately sprints towards the entrance. He's about to make a beeline towards the receptionist until he sees a bush of blonde hair from his peripheral vision sitting on one of the sofas in the huge lobby. Daniel almost breaks down right there on the spot, changing his course and briskly walking towards him with his arms already outstretched and—

Jaehwan suddenly appears in front of him, blocking his path and sporting the darkest scowl he's ever seen on his friend's face.

"Jaehwan—"

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't punch you in the face right now." He all out growls, deep and guttural. "We're at a hospital anyway, I can bash your face as much as I want and—"

"Hyung."

Jihoon's hands land on top of Jaehwan's, pulling him sideways as he gets up and faces Daniel. His left arm is in a cast, and a medium-sized gauze that's slightly stained red is taped to the side of his forehead. He's limping too, if the way he gets up from his seat is any indication.

"It's okay," he says, voice weak and deep. "It's been a long night, let's all just go home."

It takes Jaehwan a few more seconds to drop the death glare he's sporting, to pull himself back and calmly face Jihoon. "Are you sure? You're more than welcome to sleep over at my place," he says to him, and Daniel honestly has to resist the urge to lunge towards his best friend.

"I'm okay. Thank you for being here. I'm really sorry for troubling you."

It takes a while but reluctantly, Jaehwan slowly nods at him right before wrapping him in a careful hug. He turns back to Daniel next, stepping beside him to mutter something near his ear.

"I swear Daniel, I don't care if you're my best friend. If something like this happens again, I don't know what I'd do to you."

Before he gets the chance to say something back, Jaehwan's already walking towards the entrance and leaving. That's not to say he even _ had _anything to say in the first place because in all honesty, he agrees with his best friend.

He brings back his focus on Jihoon again, and the immediate sight of him is already bringing fresh tears to his eyes. He tries to speak, but as soon as his mouth opens, Jihoon beats him to it.

"Can you book us a cab?" He says, eyes down and not meeting his. "I don't have my phone."

Whatever there is to be said, Daniel thinks it's a good idea to just wait until they get back to their apartment. So he nods, pulls out his phone and gets them an uber. At least Jihoon's coming home with him, that much of good news is better than nothing.

It's silent the entire time, but that's not even remotely surprising considering everything. Still, Daniel has to fight hard to hold back the urge to reach out across the car seat, take Jihoon's hand in his and feel that he's okay. To bite back his tongue and swallow the questions and apologies that so desperately want to come out. It's agonizing, but worst of all is the knowledge that this is probably a lot more worse for Jihoon than it is for him.

The first thing Daniel notices when they arrive at their apartment is the light being left on. Not only that, but the remnants of their unfinished dinner still lay on their small dining table in the same way he left them hours earlier. One stark difference though is that what looks to have been one of their wine glasses is now shattered on the floor, the broken glass and the red wine it once held making it look like a murder scene in full view.

Jihoon stands at the center of it all, staring at the mess with his back turned to him. They stay silent for a while but ultimately, his voice is the first to cut through the silence.

"I didn't jump," he says, coarse and thick. "I know what it looks like and what you're thinking but it's not. I went to the roof after you left...I just sat on the ledge like I always do. I was looking at my phone, debating whether I should call you and as I was about to, it slipped out of my hand. I tried to grab it but—"

His voice cracks, and Daniel feels a sharp stab near the center of his chest at the realization of what had happened. The scenario plays vividly in his head. Jihoon went to the roof because of him. He pulled out his phone because of him. He could've _ died _ because of him.

"I guess I was lucky I didn't fall all ten stories," he continues with the same weak tone, feigned strength in the way he lowers his voice to a deep timbre. "I managed to hold on to the side of a ledge a little ways down but...not for long. I still hit the ground and I blacked out. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospi—"

Daniel doesn't let him finish anymore and just takes the three steps to close the distance between them, wrapping Jihoon in his arms. For the first time since the last few hours, he feels somewhat whole again, relieved, and incredibly thankful that Jihoon is here. He realizes his rashness a second after when he remembers that Jihoon is injured so he pulls back gently to hold both his shoulders instead.

Their eyes meet, and it only takes Daniel a few seconds to see that Jihoon is crying. His wide, depthful eyes glazed with the same tears that are running freely down his cheeks that upon closer look are also grazed and scratched. It takes him another second to realize that this is the first time he's seeing him cry, and that his own tears aren't too far behind.

“Hoon—”

"I'm sorry." Jihoon chokes out, his voice broken and shaking and losing the levelness it held a few seconds ago. "I'm so sorry. I-I shouldn't—I shouldn't have—"

"Hey, hey. Look at me." Daniel bends down a bit so their faces are level, his hands moving to cup his cheeks. "Jihoon, look at me."

In that moment, it arrives with startling clarity on Daniel's part that this person—someone who he knows is so strong-willed, so bold and never outspoken, always smart and at the top of everything—is still a young man who's probably just as scared, if not more, about what just happened. 

"Jihoon, this isn't your fault okay? You didn't—"

"How is it not?!” He says, his voice coming in near hysterics. “You said it yourself Niel, and you were right. All I ever do is hurt and push people away from me because I'm _ damaged _. I'm selfish and stupid and broken and I shouldn’t have woken up. I should’ve just—"

“Stop that!” Daniel shakes him, shutting him up. “Don’t you dare say that Park Jihoon. Don’t you fucking dare say that again!"

He's choked up by his own breath, the sobs threatening to overcome his body as his own tears slide down his face. He wraps Jihoon in his arms again, gentle but firm at the same time while he nuzzles his face over his hair. 

"I almost lost you. I almost lost you and it would've been because of me. I'm so sorry Jihoon. I'm so sorry for what I said, for making you think I don't care." Daniel's voice is trembling, and there's no better relief than the moment he feels Jihoon hugging him back, burying his face on his chest.

"I'm sorry." Jihoon mutters weakly, words muffled by Daniel's shirt but still coming out clear to his ears. "I'm sorry Daniel. Please—please don't leave..."

And that's when the true weight of everything comes crashing down and lands on Daniel's heart in a heavy blow, breaking and pulverizing with hurt that he feels for Jihoon. The complete realization of his deep-rooted fears and the way he’d caused it to come out. Daniel pulls away a little so he can look at his face again, using his thumbs to wipe away the tears right before placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"I'll never leave you, Hoon-ah. I'm sorry for walking out the way I did, but I want you to know that I will _ never _ leave you. I was angry, and stupid and—” His voice cracks up on him, a sob cutting off his words that forces him to clear his throat first. 

“I love you, Jihoon. You’re the most important thing in the world to me so please—_ please _trust me enough that I will never leave you. I'm here, okay? I'll always be here."

With what seems like a great amount of effort, Jihoon slowly nods against his hands. Daniel kisses him again, this time on the lips. The sensation heavy and manic, tasting of tears and a lot of unspoken words.

“I’m s-sorry, hyung.”

“Shh. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

"I love you. I love you so much "


	5. Last Kiss

"Hold up! Pause!" Jihyo says, raising a hand in front of her. "Daniel, don't tell me this little story of yours is going to end like how I think it's going to end."

Daniel cracks a smile at that, a small chuckle escaping his lips. 

"Why? What do you think happened?"

"Jihoon's not _ dead _ now, is he??" She asks incredulously, eyes blowing up out of proportion. "Because if he is, I swear to God—"

"What?" Daniel snickers, crossing his arms. "Wouldn't you be happy that an ex I've been so in love with is gone from this world?"

That gets him a kick on the shin from under the table and a hefty slap on the bicep that he’s sure is probably reddening under his shirt sleeve. Jihyo did always have a strong arm.

"I'm far from being the jealous-girlfriend type you know."

He laughs, nodding in agreement. "I know."

"Ex-boyfriend or not, I'm more bothered by the fact that you could've been a possible instrument to someone taking his own life."

"Thanks for the reminder," he says, shaking his head a little. It gets him another slap on the arm, albeit a little gentler.

"Don't pull that card with me! Answer the question!"

Daniel sighs, smiling to himself and conceding before he gets a bruise from Jihyo's hands alone. 

"He's not dead, Jihyo. He's healthy and happy," he says, eyes trained on his lap. "He's still here in Seoul, in fact. Doing really great for himself."

Jihyo's shoulders loosen up, a quiet breath of relief coming out of her. "Do you guys still talk?" She asks, her voice shifting back to a more concerned tone. Daniel just shakes his head and shrugs.

"Not really. But I do check up on him from time to time. From Jaehwan. Usually when I’m fresh after a breakup—which happens a lot too often, if I may say so myself."

Jihyo chuckles at that, a knowing smile bunching up her cheeks. "So I assume this is where things started going downhill for you guys."

"Bingo." Daniel exhales, biting is lower lip. "We managed to overcome our problem that night. Jihoon learned to be more trusting and we developed a better understanding of each other, and I finally got a job that also eventually hired me full-time. Everything was great."

"But?"

Of all the things he doesn't like recalling about their past, it's probably the next bit he's about to say that's the toughest one to speak about. He can feel the familiar lurch his stomach makes, the weird choking sensation in his throat and the stinging in his eyes that always comes up when he so as much thinks about it. He wants to drink, but he's already feeling a little tipsy as it is. 

"I was an idiot, Jihyo. I was a huge idiot."

***

** _Daniel:_ ** _ hey. i'll be home late tonight. dont wait up for me. _

** _Hoon-ah:_ ** _ again? this is the 4th time this week Niel. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ Jihoon. please. dont start. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ start what? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ im just worried that youre pushing yourself too hard again hyung. cant I just say that? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ hoon. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ you dont always have to be mad about me worrying. I'm your boyfriend. Of course I worry. _

Daniel sighs at the messages on his screen as he sits on the polished wooden floorboards. He runs a hand through his sweaty locks, looking at his reflection in the paneled mirrors. He's been trying to develop a title-track choreography sequence for the company's rookie idol group and he's just not getting it the way he wants it yet. It's frustrating to be honest, like he's having a mental block for a week now that just won't go away.

** _Daniel: _ ** _ im sorry. Im not mad hoon-ah. just tired. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ take a break first and just go at it again :) im sure you'll get it soon. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ ok. thanks. i miss you. _

** _Hoon-ah:_ ** _ i miss you too. come home? :( _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ nice try haha _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ since when did i have to try to get my boyfriend to come home from work… _

Daniel feels something tight constricting somewhere in his chest at the last message. Thankfully, he doesn't have to think too hard on how to respond when his phone buzzes again.

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ im kidding btw _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ haha i know how important this is for you. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ do your best. I love you hyung :) _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ thank you. love you too. _

Daniel stares at his phone for a while more before he resigns himself and lies spread-eagled on the practice room floor. He's been working with BigHit for a good two months now and even though he's stuck in a creative rut these past few weeks, it's honestly one of the most rewarding things Daniel has ever had to do in his career.

Sure it's a small company and his pay is almost comparable to what he earns back when he was working night shifts at the cafe. It doesn't matter that he's almost constantly tired twenty-four-seven either because he honestly loves every waking minute of what he does. Back at his old job, he'd only ever been responsible for a bit of choreography. Here at BigHit, he's an assistant performance director. 

Which is exactly why he can't bring himself to not give a hundred and ten percent of effort to his craft. Daniel's always been a hard worker, but now more than ever he can say that he's beginning to live his dream.

It's a small sacrifice to pay, he thinks, that on most days he arrives home at ungodly hours only to leave again with only quick meal and a few moments of shut-eye to power him through. Jihoon's been pretty chill about it too—a little worried and overbearing at times, but for the most part very supportive.

They’ve developed a deeper kind of bond since the whole roof incident that night, making things a whole lot better with regards to relationship. With just a little more care on Daniel’s part in showing his feelings through his actions and words, Jihoon’s learned to naturally be more trusting despite the long stretches of time they don’t communicate or see each other.

It’s been a rocky journey, but for the first time in a while, Daniel finally feels as if everything is finally in its right place again. He’s living his dream with his career, and he has the love and understanding of his boyfriend.

"Will you be coming home late again tomorrow? It's Friday.” Jihoon says over breakfast one day, the same hopeful yet concerned colors painting his voice. "Jaehwan-hyung is asking if he can come over to play video games. Says he'll bring over fried chicken and beer."

"Oh. I can't tomorrow Hoon-ah," he says, quickly spooning a mouthful of cereal and talking as he chews. "We're meeting with our talents tomorrow to go over a new set of moves. I don't know what time I'll finish."

If he were to actually look up from the bowl he's so adamant on finishing in under five minutes, he'd probably see the way Jihoon's face sinks. He hears him let out a sigh though, enough to get him to pay attention. 

"Tell you what," Daniel starts, smiling at him. "You guys just have fun with video games tomorrow night, and on the weekend I'll take you out to see a movie. We can watch Frozen 2."

"Wow. Like an actual date?" Jihoon raises a sarcastic brow, tilting his head to one side and smiling. "I've forgotten what that feels like."

Daniel just rolls his eyes, choosing to ignore his chide before getting up and taking his cereal bowl to the sink. "Dinner and movie. Sound good?"

He walks over to where Jihoon's still eating at the table and puts a hand on the seat's backrest waiting for his answer. He flashes him his so-called 'bunny-smile' that immediately gets his boyfriend holding back a grin.

"Okay, okay. But since you’re taking me out, you’re paying."

"Deal." Daniel smiles, leaning down to kiss the top of his head. "Hey, mind taking care of my bowl for me? I gotta head out."

Jihoon frowns, turning his head to the direction of their wall clock. "It's not even eight yet."

"I know, but I wanna get a headstart." He gives him two hard pats on the shoulder before walking over to their front door to put his shoes on. "Thanks Hoon. Love you!"

Daniel's out of the apartment in the next second, the slam of their door drowning out Jihoon's weak 'I love you too' back.

"Niel."

"Ah, one sec Hoon. I'm almost at the finish line." He clamps his lip in concentration, steering his controller and body in sync with his avatar on screen while he does a few drifts. He's in second place right now but he still has one more turbo dash that he’s waiting to use at just the right moment. He gets the window he needs, and a press of a button has him zooming across the finish line in victory.

"Yes!!" Daniel bounces on the couch with both arms up, smiling in celebration before he directs his attention back to Jihoon but his eyes still glued to the screen. "Sorry, what did you want to say?"

Jihoon just stares blankly at him, a lulled pause before speaking. "It's already six."

"Oh, dinner time? What d’you have in mind? Do you just want to order chicken?" Daniel says, finally turning his head to look at him. The realization only comes when he sees what Jihoon is wearing—a soft pink turtle-neck sweater hanging loosely over his denim ripped jeans—before the guilt and slight panic starts to settle in.

"I thought we were going out tonight," is all he says. Face still blank and steady.

"Right, right. Uhh—sorry, it slipped my mind just now. Just give me a few minutes to get ready and we'll head on out, yeah?" Daniel immediately turns off the console and TV, briskly walking over to their closet to put on some pants and the first hoodie his hands land on. He hasn't washed either article of clothing since last week, but it'll have to do. 

After fussing up to get his hair to look the least bit decent and spraying on a few spritzes of cologne, he steps out of their bathroom with a plastered smile.

"I'm ready!"

Jihoon gives his appearance a once-over and Daniel's honestly never felt more underdressed at that moment than he's ever had his entire life. Thankfully, even though he knows it's forced, Jihoon just stays mum and puts up a small smile back.

"So, do we eat now or go watch the movie first and just eat after?"

"Movie?"

The upward tilt of Jihoon's mouth that barely even passes off as a smile immediately disappears at Daniel's question, replaced by a coldness that's bordering on irritation.

"You forgot," he says. Flat and emotionless.

"Umm—n-no, of course not. I was planning on buying at the box office."

"It's the first weekend since the movie premiered, Daniel. There's not gonna _ be _ any tickets at the box office."

"You don't know that."

Jihoon crosses his arms, a frown starting to form. "Wanna bet?"

"Why are you being so negative? If there aren't tickets to Frozen anymore we can just watch a different movie. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that you forgot. We wouldn't be skimping out on our plans now if you'd just remembered."

“It slipped my mind, Hoon.”

“You’ve been playing video games and sleeping _ all _ day.”

“Well forgive me for wanting to enjoy my weekend.” Daniel scoffs, his own frown settling. “And if you’re so adamant on watching the movie so much, why didn’t _ you _get the tickets?”

Jihoon opens his mouth to counter but evidently stops himself at the last breath. His shoulders sag, closing his lips shut and just gives Daniel an exasperated look.

"Okay fine. I'm sorry for forgetting. There, you happy?" Daniel says, conceding. He doesn't mean to raise his voice, but he did and there's no taking back the effect it leaves on Jihoon's face. In answer, Jihoon merely looks down and turns around to head for their kitchen; opening their cupboards to take out a pot and a pack of instant ramen.

"What are you doing?" Daniel asks, walking closer.

"What does it look like I'm doing," he answers evenly, filling the pot with water and placing it on the stove with a resounding bang. 

His meaning couldn't be any clearer, and in the spark of annoyance that switches on inside Daniel, he pulls out his phone and starts ordering his own food for himself as he walks back to the couch to turn his game back on.

For the first time since living together, their house smells of two different dishes for dinner that night. Jihoon's ramen on the dining table, and Daniel's fried chicken by their living room. They both sleep on the same bed later on, and even though Daniel sees how red and raw Jihoon's eyes are after he leaves the bathroom, not a single word is said even after the lights turn off.

"I'm sorry." 

He feels Jihoon jump a little when his hand touches his bare shoulder, the water running above them prickling his own skin in a torrent of warm droplets. Jihoon has his back turned, muscles stiff and tense. Quiet.

"I'm sorry, Jihoon-ah." Daniel repeats it, even though he's sure that Jihoon's heard him despite the echoes of the running water hitting the tiles. He can feel him relaxing little by little, the shoulder where his hand is on steadily rising and falling with every breath.

Jihoon eventually turns around to face him, his hair sticking to his forehead and his body littered with patches of suds and tiny bubbles that make his skin glisten. He pulls Daniel closer to him until the stream of water douses his body too, to which Jihoon uses to run his soapy hands over his chest, steadily climbing up his neck.

"I'm kind of in the middle of something, you know," he says, continuing his gentle lathering on to his shoulders. "You could've waited for me to finish."

Daniel feels a smile creep up his face, his own hands moving to hold Jihoon's waist. "You've been avoiding me all day. This is the only place I can corner you."

Jihoon merely hums in response, his hands now moving to rub at his arms. He isn't meeting his eyes and just stares straight ahead where his collarbone is level with his face. Daniel gives his waist a soft squeeze while simultaneously pulling him closer.

"I'm really sorry," he says again and this time, Jihoon finally looks up. Under the falling water with dewdrops running down his face, it's easy to think that he looks as if he's crying. He's not though, but for all it's meant, he could be.

"I'm sorry too," he says, and Daniel involuntarily raises both eyebrows in surprise. 

"What for?"

His hands have moved on to his chest again, circling around his pectorals gently.

"For being so demanding. Of your presence. Of your time."

Daniel wonders if Jihoon can feel it, the way his heart lurches at his words. His hands immediately fly from his boyfriend's waist to his wrists, holding him and looking him straight in the eye.

"You don't have to apologize for that, Hoon-ah. You have every right to demand those things."

"Do I?" Jihoon sighs, looking away with a shrug. "I don’t know. I feel like I keep holding you back from doing what you love."

"No, you're not. Shit, Jihoon—" Daniel cups his jaws this time, blinking back the water pooling in his eyes. "That's the _ last _ thing you could ever be doing to me. And the fact that I'm making you feel that way...I'm really sorry. You should _ never _ feel like you're not my priority, because you are. I love you so, _ so _ much Jihoon. Please...please don't ever doubt that."

This time Daniel can see a few droplets coming out of Jihoon's eyes that’s not just from the steady stream of the shower. He wipes those droplets away with a thumb, a wash of relief flowing through him when he's met with a small smile.

"I love you too, hyung."

Daniel leans forward then, slowly catching his lips on his. He plants it soft and gentle, but with all the seal of a silent promise.

"I'll be better," he whispers, their noses touching and at just a breadth from each other. "I'll work hard and be a better Daniel every day. For you. I promise."

He kisses him again, more heated and intimate when Jihoon begins to wrap his arms around his neck and bring him down closer. Mouths open, tongues dance, and Daniel soon finds himself pushing Jihoon against the tile wall and lifting his thighs up to circle around his own waist.

The steam from their bathroom has never been thicker.

** _Daniel:_ ** _ hoon. i have to work late tonight. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ okay. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ but i'll pass by your office when your work ends :) let's eat dinner together :D _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ oh, sure. I'd love that :) _

** _Hoon-ah:_ ** _ wait, don't you have to take the subway to get here? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ yup. no biggie. i wanna see you :) _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ alright. just text me when you get here ok? See you♡ _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ good morning baby♡ _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ good morning. you’re at work already? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ yeah :( call time changed. gotta start rehearsals early. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ oh. okay. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i bought you breakfast :) i ordered in while you were sleeping. i left it in the kitchen. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ yeah i just saw. thank you :) _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ sorry i can’t eat breakfast with you today :( _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ that’s alright. i understand. maybe we can have lunch again later? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ umm i’ll have to check. i’ll text you if i can :) _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ ok. i’ll be waiting. good luck today hyung! :) _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ i miss you [image attached] _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ !!! _

** _Daniel:_ ** _ are you naked?! _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ maybe… _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ what time will you leave work? It’s past 10 :( _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ we’re not yet done for today :( but _

** _Daniel:_ ** _ hngngnfg put some clothes on baby _

** _Hoon-ah:_ ** _ im in bed anyway… _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ and lonely...i gotta do something to keep me busy _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ … _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ show me? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ [image attached] _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ fuck _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ please? it's dripping hyung _

**_Daniel: _**_Park_ _Jihoon!!_

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ still working? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ yes baby :( _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ jaehwan-hyung's inviting us to go to his place tonight. its fridaaaaay :( _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ im sorry hoon :( it's almost awards season. i have to make sure our performances are perfect. _

** _Hoon-ah:_ ** _ ok :( _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ i'll just go by myself then _

** _Hoon-ah:_ ** _ dont push yourself too hard, okay? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ niel-hyung? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ :( _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ i love you niel _

"More."

He feels Jihoon's chuckle of breath tickling his neck, his face coming back up to face him.

"More what?"

Daniel just groans and squeezes the boxer-clad cheeks that are straddling him on their couch. Jihoon jumps a little at the contact, their fronts rubbing together that gets out another groan from him.

"More of this?" Jihoon giggles, eliciting another when he moves his hips forward.

"Hoon…"

Daniel cups the back of his head and gently pulls him down for another heavy kiss. His eyes close, feeling Jihoon's fingers running through his hair while his body weight continues to move over his lap. His hips gyrate and buck in rhythm, and just when his hands find their way at the hem of his shirt, Jihoon pulls away that has him chasing after his lips.

"Hey."

Daniel makes a sound that's a cross between a groan and a whine, keeping his eyes closed and leaning forward to search for more lips. He harshly pushes his hips upward when he fails, but all he hears and feels is Jihoon stifled laughter and a peck on the nose.

"Niel."

Reluctantly, Daniel opens his eyes and looks at him with a hooded gaze. He raises a silent eyebrow, a question of why he's talking so much when they should be kissing.

"Your birthday's coming up," Jihoon says, a huge smile breaking on his face.

"So it is." He smiles back, his heart warming that Jihoon even remembers. But then again, he really shouldn't be surprised.

"What do you want for your birthday?"

In reply, Daniel bites his lower lip in a devilish smirk and holds down both sides of Jihoon's waist right before pushing a _ very _ hard upward thrust that gets his boyfriend to gasp so loud that his smile falters. He gets a slap on the arm afterwards, and a lot of silent giggles.

"You asked what I wanted."

"You can get _ this—" _Jihoon plays back with a powerful thrust of his own that almost gets Daniel's eyes rolling to the back of his head. "—any day of the week. It's your first birthday with me, hyung. I want it to be special."

The warmth he feels in his chest multiplies even further, and he can't help but lean forward and leave a chaste kiss on Jihoon's lips before he answers. "Every second I spend with you is already special, Hoon."

"You say that as if we've been spending a whole lot of time together this week," he answers back with a small pout. "Today's literally the first time I've seen you in three days mister busy-body. And we freakin’ live together!"

Daniel puts up an apologetic smile, not missing the slight edge to Jihoon's words even though he chooses to ignore it. "Sorry. How 'bout we just go out for dinner? Maybe over the weekend ‘cause my birthday's on Friday and I—"

"_ Please _ don't tell me you're working late again." Jihoon whines, seeing the answer already painted on his face before he even gets a chance to speak. "Niel, most people even take vacation leaves on their birthdays. All I'm asking is for you to come home early this one time. Please?"

He takes in Jihoon's expression, almost pleading that he automatically finds himself folding over for. It’s instinctual when he gives him a smile and a short nod.

"Okay, okay. I’ll come home early."

And the grin Jihoon makes then instantly makes everything brighter, that Daniel can't find it in himself to actually back out on his word.

"You promise?"

“Promise.”

The final beat drops and Daniel gives his whole energy to the last few steps of the routine. Popping his joints, cranking his limbs, sliding gracefully across the floor while simultaneously watching his group’s reflection in the mirror. Two of them are lagging behind out of rhythm, but not too much to be noticeable collectively. When the music stops and they’re all breathing hard at the final pose, Daniel counts to ten in his head before clapping to signal the end of the routine.

“Good job guys! Let’s all take a quick break before we run it again.” He gives them his signature grin and two thumbs up before heading to drink from his water bottle himself.

“Hyung.” One of his dongsaengs approach him—Soobin—while waving his hands shyly. “I was wondering if you could help me out at the dance break part. I keep missing a few beats of the choreo.”

“Oh, sure.” Daniel smiles at him, wiping some sweat off his brows. “You’re actually doing pretty good, Soobin-ah. You missed a beat but you didn’t diverge from the rest.”

“Ah, thank you hyung.” It gets him a short bow and a bashful smile. “But I want it to be perfect. I don’t want to miss anything. Sorry if I’m a little difficult.”

“Don’t apologize. Everyone gets there at their own pace.” Danial pats him on the back before turning to face them again on the wall-length mirrors. “Okay, so let’s run through the sequence together and I’ll see where we need to work on.”

He runs through the routine with Soobin four times, and they run through the entire performance again a good ten times before Daniel calls for another break. It’s strenuous, extremely taxing, but the rookie group he’s in charge with are all such determined people that Daniel doesn’t mind a single second of all the effort he’s putting in with them. They’re going to make a good impression at the upcoming award shows, he’s sure of it.

They’re all running through the performance again for the—Daniel’s lost count—when someone’s phone starts ringing in one corner of the room. No one stops dancing though, but Daniel can tell that the unexpected ringing throws some of them offbeat. The phone rings for a solid minute, stops, then rings again by which time has everyone already stopped dancing. One of the members run to the stereo to pause the track, bathing the practice room in sudden silence save for the incessant ringing.

“Hyung, I think that’s yours,” Soobin says breathlessly, and Daniel immediately turns his head to the direction of his backpack and sure enough, seems to be where the ringing is coming from.

“One sec guys,” he calls out to them, grabbing his phone and stepping out into the hallway. It’s stopped ringing again, and it gives him a brief window to see the fifteen unread message notifications on his screen before it starts to ring again with Jihoon’s face flashing in front of him.

“Hello.”

_ “Hyung? Where are you?” _

Daniel frowns a little, ignoring how Jihoon sounds like he’s whispering on the other end.

“I’m at work Jihoon. Why are you calling?” He answers in mild irritation, still catching his breath a little. “I told you not to call me while I’m at work. You messed up our practice.”

_ “Oh...umm, sorry. I was worried. You weren’t replying to my messag—” _

“What is it?” Daniel hears the boom of the bass again coming from the room as the others start to practice again. His legs are itching with the beat, foot tapping the floored hallway.

_ “When are you coming home?” _

“Umm—” He pulls his phone away from his ear to check the time before getting back to him. “It’s only half-past eight Hoon. I’ll be home around midnight, I guess.”

_ “What? But you said you won’t be staying late today.” _

“Well I can’t anymore. We’re still smoothing a few patches in the choreography and there’s only a few days ‘til—”

_ “Do you even remember?” _

Daniel frowns, his eyes narrowing. “Remember what?”

There’s a brief pause on the other line that does nothing but grow his impatience. He’s restlessly keeping his body moving, sighing audibly and scratching the back of his head.

“Jihoon—”

_ “Never mind hyung. I’ll just see you when you get back.” _

The line dies before he can say another word, but honestly Daniel just wants to get back to work. He doesn’t glance at his phone again and just heads back inside the practice room, tossing the device in his bag before joining the others back to dance.

The first thing Daniel notices when he pulls out his keys to unlock their front door is that there’s still some light coming in from the inside of their apartment. It’s way past Jihoon’s normal bedtime, but it doesn’t end up being a total surprise when he sees him sitting at their dining room playing a game on his phone the moment he enters.

“Hey. You’re still up?” Daniel says while he absentmindedly takes his shoes off. His foot hits a full trash bag beside their shoe rack in doing so where he sees a few glinting pieces of paper peeking through the untied top.

“Hey.” He calls out again when he passes him, but Jihoon’s still not looking up from his phone. Daniel leaves him be and moves to the kitchen instead to get a drink, and that’s when he sees what’s sitting above the countertop.

_ ‘Happy Birthday Daniel!’ _ It says on the surface of the chocolate-coated cake in gold, sparkling frosting. It all comes flashing back to him in an instant, like a speeding cement truck the douses him with everything it’s carrying on impact. The huge number of messages on his phone that he _ still _hasn’t checked ‘til now, the promise he made Jihoon last week, the reason why he called earlier. He can’t believe it. He forgot his own birthday.

After the brief second of shock subsides comes another feeling he’s no stranger to. He remembers how he talked to Jihoon earlier, how impatient and irritable he’d been on the phone. He bites his lip, but there’s no masking the guilt that’s present in his voice now.

“Hoon-ah,” he says, trying to call for his attention that he’s still not being graced with. He walks back to their dining room so he’s closer, trying again.

“Jihoon I—”

“Forgot?” He finishes for him, eyes still glued on his phone screen. “I know.”

Daniel bites his tongue, tail between legs in complete shame.

“I’m really—”

“Sorry? I know that too,” Jihoon says flatly but with a small snort. Daniel sighs, slowly walking over to him and placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Hoon-ah. I’m _ really _ sorry,” he says in the softest voice he can muster, full of remorse. “It completely slipped my mind. Thank you though, for buying the cake. Do you want to eat a slice with me?”

Jihoon ignores him for a few seconds and does a few more taps on the game he’s playing. He eventually puts his phone down, takes a deep breath and jerkily shrugs off Daniel’s hand from his shoulder. He gets up, slowly walking over to their kitchen counter to pick up the cake with both hands. Daniel frowns and widens his eyes when he sees him heading towards their front door and suddenly dumping the entire cake inside the same trash bag he saw on his way in.

“Hoon-ah…” is all he can say when he feels the intensity of the chill. He walks toward him, trying to reach out and hold his hand. “Hoon, I’m sorry. Please, let’s talk—”

“Talk about what, Daniel?” Jihoon slaps his hand away, voice rising. “About how you were _ so _ busy at work that you forgot your own birthday? That you forgot the promise you made me that you’d at least come home early tonight? How sorry you are for what happened? That you regret being so _ stupid _and ignorant again?” Jihoon shakes his head, his tone leveling but by no means does it diminish the palpable anger.

“Jihoon...I didn’t mean to—”

“Well of course you didn’t!” He spits back at him, eyes turning livid. “But that’s the thing, isn't it? You never think and you never try to _ mean _anything you’re doing because as long as it's not related to work or dancing, it just doesn't matter to you."

Daniel winces, the words like knives thrown in precision. "That—that's not true."

"Really? Then how do you even explain tonight?” Jihoon asks, sounding more exasperated than angry. "Actually you know what? Don't. Because to be perfectly honest, I’m _ tired _Daniel. I’m tired of all your apologies and excuses. I’m tired of you telling me that you’re going to make up for it and I’m tired of always getting my hopes up only for you to knock it back down over and over again."

"I'm sorry," Daniel says almost pleadingly. "But I can't just abandon my responsibilities Jihoon. The team is counting on—

"It was just one night! All I asked for is one _ fucking _ night and you couldn’t even spare me a single second away from your job.”

The guilt he feels bubbles over his head, suffocating him and leaving him speechless. He understands what Jihoon is saying and while it's completely valid for him to feel that way, a part of him wants him to understand where he’s coming from too. 

“I know. I know I screwed up but you know how this is really important to me, right?” He asks, hoping his words convey his feelings sincerely. "It's not like I want to work all these long hours to purposely be away from you—"

"I'm not saying you are." Jihoon cuts him off, his breath seeping of frustration. "And yes, Daniel. I know perfectly well how important your job is for you. But why is it starting to feel like it's become the _ only _ thing that is?

Daniel frowns, and this time he fails to pull the brake. "Well can you blame me? Jihoon, I already lost my job once because my old company didn't think I was good enough. It's easy for you to say these things because _ you _ don't know what it's like to have your dreams suddenly taken away from you. Can't you just give me a little consideration here? Can't you understand that _ I _want to succeed too?"

"What? And you think I don't want that for you?" Jihoon falls silent, merely staring at him in disbelief. "You really think I'm holding you back, don't you?"

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to." He shakes his head and Daniel can see the beginnings of his eyes turning glassy. "What was the first thing you said to me when you picked up my call earlier?"

Daniel clamps his lips shut. He doesn't know the exact words, but he remembers what he said. How he sounded.

"See?" Jihoon gestures with his hand defeatedly. "You didn't even care about what I had to say. Did you even think to consider how important this was for me too? How much I wanted to celebrate this one special day with you tonight?"

"Hoon…" Daniel moves to walk closer to him again, taking a small step forward. He can feel the fatigue running through his muscles, the tiredness seeping off his words. "Please don't get so worked up about this. It’s just my birthday. If you want to, we can celebrate some other day and—"

"That's not the fucking point!" Jihoon takes a step back, turning around and dragging the trash bag from earlier before throwing it forward to spill some of the contents on the floor beneath Daniel's feet.

He sees it. The deflated balloons, the silver and red party streamers, the crumpled up party hats with cat prints. He sees the edges of the bold lettering spelling out his name somewhere inside in what looks to be a huge banner, and the ruined cake that Jihoon just threw a few minutes ago. Worst of all though isn't what's inside the bag, but the sight that greets him instead when he looks up again.

"Three hours ago, this apartment was filled with everything inside this bag," Jihoon says, his voice trembling while his eyes gush out the tears he'd been holding. "Three hours ago, all our friends were here, all of them—_ me— _ waiting for you to come home to surprise you. Hell, even your mom was waiting because I asked her to keep her phone close so I could put her up on video when you finally got here and for what? So you could tell me that it's _ just _ a birthday? And that we can go out and celebrate whenever?"

Daniel can feel his own throat choking up, his eyes starting to sting. The guilt is on a whole different level now, wrapping around his entire being in a dark cloak and tamping down whatever excuse he was thinking to say.

"Jihoon—I didn't know…" Even his words sound broken, and it's no surprise to him when Jihoon just shakes his head at him.

“And it doesn’t even matter whether it was your birthday or not, or that I planned all this for you. Because the fact is, you couldn’t even be here for me when I asked you to. You couldn’t even keep a promise that you _ knew _meant something to me.”

Daniel’s face falls further, his heart starting to burn. “Jihoon…”

"I've been trying my best to be understanding, Niel. I’ve been constantly telling myself to believe in you and support you because I know better than anyone what it was like before this," Jihoon says, his voice breaking and his words coming out raw. "I know what you went through and I know what you had to fight for—so much that really, all that ever mattered to me afterwards was that you were happy. And maybe it's selfish of me to be thinking this way but _fuck,_ Daniel. You're not the only person in this relationship. Did you ever even think to ask yourself if _I_ was happy? How _I _was feeling? Does it even matter to you?

“Of course it does,” Daniel says frantically, restless panic coursing through his veins. “It’s just—lately has just been a busy whirlwind and my head’s been so driven to this but Jihoon, _ please _don’t think it means I don’t value you."

“There you go again.” Jihoon points to him tiredly, gesturing at the air between them. “You keep saying that but that’s really not how it feels, Daniel. You used to be so sincere and honest but now it's like everything you do doesn't even match what comes out of your mouth anymore."

"Then let me make it up to you. I swear, this time I'll—"

"Do you even still love me?"

The question knocks him off balance, pushing whatever thought process he'd been constructing off the tightrope he's teetering on. It's not that he's hesitating or even doubting the answer, but the mere fact that Jihoon is even forced to ask him like this—with unrelenting tears and a voice that's breaking around the edges—serves as such a huge blow that all manner of comprehension deftly escapes him.

"Of course I do," he answers a beat too late, desperately hoping that the words speak his heart out. "Jihoon, I—"

He takes a step forward, reaching out in an attempt to console him like he usually does wrapped in his embrace. And just when he thought that seeing Jihoon cry can't top off any other kind of pain anymore, there's a sharp stab deep in his chest when he sees Jihoon take a step back away from him.

It means everything and nothing at the same time, and they both end up staring at each other through glass coated eyes in deafening silence that speaks a lot more than what their words can convey. Daniel sees a bunch of Jihoon's tears falling from his chin, every drop like a punch to his gut. It's heart-wrenching, and the emotional stress along with his tired body is making every part of him weak. 

Eventually, Jihoon looks down at his feet and starts wiping his tears away. He sighs, so burdened and heavy that Daniel can actually feel the weight of it hitting the ground. By the time he faces him again, he’s morphed his face back to a wall of composure, so inherently cold and void of anything that was there just seconds ago.

“Let’s just...go to bed. You must be tired,” he says flatly, his words sounding empty but his eyes betraying the illusion. 

“Jihoon—”

“It’s okay, hyung. It...it’s fine.” He even puts up a small smile, broken and dead. “I’ll get over this...just—just give me some time, okay?”

Jihoon doesn't wait for him to respond and proceeds to crouch down to pick up the trash bag again, making a knot to seal it and dragging it to their front door to throw it in the chute outside. He re-enters the apartment a minute later and immediately walks over to the bed, settling down to sleep without another glance in Daniel's direction.

The guilt he feels doesn't simmer down, not even after he's taken his shower and begins settling beside Jihoon. He can't help himself and tentatively reaches a hand out to touch him, laying a hand on his waist while his back is turned. There's a bit of comfort when Jihoon lets him, and it's the only way he finds enough peace to sleep that night.

The following morning, he's greeted with a chill and the smell of fried eggs coming from the kitchen. Daniel opens his eyes to an empty space on the bed with a vantage of their window that's currently displaying a flurry of white outside. He gets up, sees Jihoon preparing their food and heads on over to him.

Normally he starts off their weekend mornings by giving him a lazy hug and a kiss. And he does, out of habit mostly but when he feels Jihoon tense under his touch it all flashes back to him in a chill colder than the snow outside that effectively drives off his lingering sleepiness. He pauses, forcibly brushing the awkwardness off and heading over to their fridge to pretend to rummage until the feeling passes and Jihoon moves again. 

"Thanks for cooking," he says when he joins him on the table, which earns him a small smile and a nod in response. It's all he gets, and the rest of their breakfast passes by in mute silence with only the clinks of their cutlery breaking the void. It's only when their plates are empty and Jihoon's about to take them to the sink that Daniel finds his voice again.

"Ah, let me do it Hoon," he says, getting up and stopping him. It's so awkward, so unnatural at how he holds his boyfriend's wrist that he even cringes a little at himself. He knows Jihoon feels it too with the way he freezes again, but he ultimately gives him a nod and leaves him to the task.

There’s a huge rock sitting at the base of Daniel's stomach when he washes the dishes, occasionally stealing glances over to where Jihoon is sat on their couch playing games on his phone. Daniel thinks back to when the last time their apartment held this kind of haze in the air, the sinking feeling in his gut growing heavier when his brain answers him with the fact that it's not even that too long ago.

Yesterday didn't end too well, and it's about time he tried fixing it.

“Hey, Hoon-ah?” He says after he’s done, walking over slowly while wiping his hands on the hem of his shirt. “Do you, umm—wanna go out today? The uhh, first snow is falling. I was wondering if maybe we could go to the park. If you want to, of course."

Jihoon just looks at him, a slight bite on his lower lip as he looks to be mulling it over. Just when Daniel thinks he's about to say no, he gets up from his seat and nods. 

It's only when they're both getting ready that Daniel sees it. A box wrapped in red inside their closet sitting on the back corner where their shirts are casting a curtain over it. Curiosity leads him to pull it out, getting a surprised look from Jihoon when he sees it too.

"Oh, umm...that's for you," he says, scratching the top of his head sheepishly. "I, uhh...got it for your birthday. I forgot to give it to you last night, sorry."

"Oh...umm—" The guilt flowers again, making him stutter. "You don't have to apologize. Thank you."

"It's a coat," Jihoon says rather awkwardly, throwing away the relevance and point of having it gift-wrapped in the first place.

Daniel isn't dense. To show for it, he slowly tears off the packaging to open the box and take out the black winter coat inside and remove the one he has on to trade with it. His body sinks into the feeling of the new and soft fabric. It even smells like peaches.

"Thank you," he says again, smiling wide. "I love it."

It gets him a smile in return at least, albeit it not the usual one Jihoon graces him with.

The air is a lot looser once they step out of their apartment building, and for the first time since waking up today Daniel feels like he's finally breathing. They walk side by side all the way to the park, the falling of snow so picturesque and magical that the shame he feels over the fact that they're both so silent and barely touching is making an even larger pit in his stomach. He wants to reach out, hold Jihoon's hand, kiss it and tell him he loves him while a flurry of white floats around them. It’d be romantic, and Daniel can imagine how Jihoon would probably blush at that, look down at his feet and make that shy smile that shows off all his teeth that he adores so much.

But he doesn't reach out. He doesn't do anything and all the while, Jihoon keeps both his hands guarded inside the pockets of his coat while they continue their stroll in silence.

They eventually end up sitting on a bench near the river's edge secluded from the main path and away from most of the other people enjoying the first snowfall as they are. The quiet continues, with only the sound of lapping water and the gentle breeze flowing around them cutting through. It's not awkward at least, and Daniel thinks the comfortable air will help keep their heads and emotions in check.

"Jihoon?" He tiptoes on ice, heart beating like a drum when their eyes meet. "Can we talk? Umm—You probably already know what I'm going to say but...will you let me say it anyway?"

He isn't expecting much of anything but he breathes out a sigh of relief all the same when Jihoon nods at him. He clears his throat, swallowing the lump before it gets the chance to form.

"I'm sorry. I know you're tired of hearing me say that but I really am sorry, Jihoon. And not just for last night. I've been a pretty terrible boyfriend lately and I’m sorry that it had to take me missing my own birthday to realize that." Daniel looks down at their hands, resisting the urge to place his on top of Jihoon's. "I shouldn't have tried to excuse my behavior either because...you were right—about everything you said."

Despite his initial preparation, a bit of emotion still slips past his defenses and seeps out in wisps and strains. He can feel his throat closing in little by little, his eyes growing heavy with the weight of unshed tears. It takes him another moment to compose himself, glad that Jihoon is patient enough to hear him out.

"There's a lot more I want to apologize for, but of all the things I regret the most is that...I actually hurt you enough to make you feel like I don't love you." He looks back up so he could meet his eyes then, ever round and glittering. "That couldn't be any farther from the truth, Jihoon. I wouldn't even be where I am right now if it wasn't for you. You’re one of the main reasons why I was able to hold out when I was in a slump, and you were the one who kept my pieces together when my whole world was breaking apart. It’s always been you."

A tear slips out, the single bead like a chilling streak traveling down his cheek. His wipes it with the back of his hand, gaze never leaving Jihoon's

"I'd take it all back if I could, but all I can really do at this point is show you how sorry I am and change for the better. And I know you probably can't forgive me right now or right away—that's already too much for me to ask—but I hope you can still give me a chance."

He nods once and bites his lips when he's through, his words lingering in the cold, snowflake-filled air. He waits on Jihoon with bated breath, watching his face for any signs. It's a futile effort, however, when his boyfriend's face is as blank and unreadable as ever.

Minutes tick by, the tears threatening to fall from his eyes already drying beneath his lids. Daniel wishes for nothing more in that moment than to see what Jihoon's thinking, hear his thoughts and know the feelings coursing through him. 

Daniel finally gets a response by way of a hand going up to rest just beneath his right cheek. It's warm, and he immediately relaxes into it on contact. He feels Jihoon scoot closer to him on the bench, drawing him in at the same time he tilts his head forward and to the side to capture his lips.

The moment they touch, Daniel breathes out a quiet sigh of relief through his nose while he sinks into a kiss that feels so overdue. His own hands automatically snake their way to hold Jihoon's waist, not pulling or forceful, just stagnant and merely going with the flow of their slow exchange. It vaguely occurs at the back of his head that he doesn't even remember the last time he kissed Jihoon this way, bringing forth a mixture of guilt and the ulterior the drive to make up for it. He kisses back with so much passion, so much pent up feelings that he hopes translates better than his words ever could.

"I love you," Jihoon says when he pulls away, his face still sitting close to his with their noses touching. "I love you, Daniel."

The way he says it is so heavy, so full of _ something _ that the words actually sink in deep enough for Daniel to physically feel it. In his entire torso, at the base of his stomach, the center of his chest; blossoming to other parts of his body like a drug. He goes to kiss Jihoon again, and the warm feeling of his lips give him the reassurance that things will be alright, that all will be well.

It doesn’t take very long though, for him to surmise that he's never been more wrong in his life.

The next couple of days preceding the birthday incident is more or less what he'd expected. Awkward and unnatural, tense and prickling. There's a quiet that has grown to live in their apartment that's so blaringly loud that Daniel can sometimes even hear his ears ringing. Jihoon's guarded and more reserved around him, which is not unlike how he usually is whenever they're both fresh off from a fight except now, there's a certain chill to him that’s never been there before. Something Daniel can't really put a finger on that feels a lot like a wall of ice surrounding his every direction.

Something else that’s new to him is this incessant feeling of anxiety whenever he’s around his own boyfriend. Daniel’s already making the effort not to stay late at work anymore unless he absolutely has to, marking more days of the week that he actually arrives home even before Jihoon does. He cooks them food whenever he can, gives him kisses and hugs when they greet each other at the front door, and basically does anything to show that he’s working and doing his best on changing from his past mistakes. There isn’t necessarily a lack of reciprocation on Jihoon’s part when he does all this and maybe he’s just being paranoid, but the voices at the back of his head are constantly telling him that there’s always something wrong—constantly letting him know how everything feels so fragile. Tentative.

And maybe it is.

** _Daniel: _ ** _ Jihoon-aaaah _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ yes? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i heard you on the radio just now :) _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ you were great! _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ oh. Thanks _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ you didn’t tell me you were co-hosting again today :( i would’ve wished you good luck _

** _Hoon-ah:_ ** _ ah. sorry. It must’ve slipped my mind. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ it’s okay. anyway, we should celebrate later after work :) do you wanna go somewhere? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ umm _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ im not really in the mood to celebrate. can we just order takeout and eat at home? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ sure :) pizza and chicken? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ Hoon? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ ah, you must be busy now. I’ll order the food for later okay? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ love you♡ _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i thought you said you werent in the mood to celebrate _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ ? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i saw sungwoon-hyung’s instagram story. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ nice cake by the way. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ niel, I didn’t ask for that. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ are you still mad at me? just tell me if you are jihoon instead of being passive aggressive like this. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ ???? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ im not mad niel why would i be mad _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i dunno. you tell me _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ what the hell _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ stop feeling like everything i do is an attack on you ok _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ and for the record, the whole thing was a surprise. maybe you should’ve thought of that first before accusing me of being passive aggressive. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ :(( _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ im sorry :( _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ im so stupid. Please dont be mad _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ im sorry _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ hooon-ah _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ are u done with work for today? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ yeah? why? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ im outside your bldg :) let’s go home together _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ what? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ Niel, i’m already on the bus. I left the station 15 mins ago _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ oh _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ why didn’t you tell me you were coming to pick me up? i’d have waited if you did. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ i wanted to surprise you. you didnt text me that you were leaving the office like u always do so i assumed you were still here _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ nevermind its ok. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ niel _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ im sorry. i’ll wait for you at the bus stop ok? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ dont bother. it's fine. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ -_- _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ fine. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ hoon im not mad. please dont be like that _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ hoon :( _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ i cant make it to dinner tonight. something came up at work. raincheck? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ on a friday? I already made reservations hoon-ah :( _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ sorry niel. It’s kinda urgent. Im cramming as it is _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ you could’ve told me sooner. if i knew you’d flake on me i would’ve just stayed longer at dance practice tonight. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ this literally just came up??? as i was about to turn my computer off and leave the office?? _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ yeah whatever. I’ll just see u at home then. _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ DANIEL _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ ??? i dont know what youre talking about _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ CAN YOU FUCKING STOP THAT _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ did I ever talk like this to you when _ ** _you_ ** _ were the one “flaking” on me for work??? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ did you pay for our dinner reservations tonight? did you even lose ANYTHING by rescheduling??? _

** _Hoon-ah: _ ** _ oh yeah your precious dance practice. well FORGIVE ME for being so inconsiderate of your time. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ hoon i didnt mean it like that. _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ hoon-ah :( _

** _Daniel: _ ** _ hoon please answer my call :( im sorry _

It bubbles over, skimming a little too close to the brim of their limits until it's full enough to overflow that soon, even the smallest of things become something to explode about. Uncareful words thrown in the heat, sent messages read out of context, body language overanalyzed and overthought. It becomes a constant roadblock that Daniel learns to anticipate along with the fragile anxiety constantly looming over his head. He at least has the senses to see it—this grave he and Jihoon are both digging—but in no way does it in the least bit prepare him for the upcoming crater.

It's on the eighth day of their slow deterioration when it finally happens. A Wednesday, Daniel has just left work and is walking home from the subway holding a small bouquet of roses on one hand and a box of cupcakes on the other. A peace offering, as cliche as the gesture looks to be but with all the sincere intentions of reconciliation.

He struggles to balance the gifts on one hand when he reaches their front door, only managing to open it after two attempts at inserting the key to the lock. He’s not even completely inside yet when he immediately begins to feel it radiating from the room—something off and not in place, different. There's a sort of tension in the air inside their apartment but it's not until he's toeing his shoes off that he realizes why.

Their shoe rack is clean. Clean in the sense that it looks bare with only a few pairs of his own sneakers sitting on the three-tiered rack. The everyday image of it looking the way it always does has conditioned him to spot the difference instantly that it almost becomes unnerving. A look to his right presents him another object out of place, this time in the form of a black luggage bag on the floor.

He sees Jihoon next, sitting on the edge of their bed and facing the opposite end of the room with a blank look on his face. Dressed in his jeans and a hoodie while his backpack lays just next to his feet, Daniel doesn’t need to put in a lot of effort to put two and two together. 

"Jihoon?" He gulps, taking a tentative step. His voice careful and level while he gestures around the room. "What's going on? What is all this?"

Jihoon doesn't answer right away, just looks down at his hands while he takes a few deep breaths that’s easily heard in the silence of their flat. The clock ticks, and it's a good two minutes before he finally speaks.

"I'm moving out."

The words hurl themselves in a sharp sting to his chest that sinks all the way down to his gut, so strong that the only thing Daniel can even focus on is how hearing them out loud is so much worse than seeing it through his thoughts. He opens his mouth and closes it empty, twice. It feels a lot like the final nail to the coffin his mind has been preparing for days and yet it still completely knocks the wind out of him, the blow so sudden that he feels like his knees would buckle at any second.

"What?" Is the only thing that comes out, shaky and breathless.

Jihoon gets up and finally faces him then, and Daniel’s a little startled by what he sees. There’s a hardness in his features, a barren chill in his eyes that he’s never seen the likes of in all the time that he’s known him. He knows what Jihoon looks like when he’s happy, when he’s sad. When he’s in love and when he’s angry. But this—this face is a stranger.

"I think...I think we should stop—" He stutters, a chink in his otherwise ice-cold armor. "—we should stop living together."

The words may be different but the meaning is the same, and Daniel still can’t wrap his head around it. So many questions race inside his mind, all beginning with why. The pathetic part about all of it is, he doesn’t need to ask them out loud. Not when he already knows the answer deep down. 

"Hoon-ah, please,” he starts to say, not even minding how weak his voice sounds. “_ Please— _let’s talk about this."

"There’s nothing left to talk about,” Jihoon says, his gaze like steel. "I’ve already made up my mind, Daniel.” 

"What do you mean nothing? This isn't just your decision to make Jihoon. I'm in this relationship too." Daniel shakes his head, incredulous. 

"That's why I'm breaking up with you."

It stops him short again, the blow so unexpected but just as hard. If his words earlier served as the first stab of a knife to his chest, this one now feels a lot like the same knife being twisted in deeper to carve out his insides. Daniel’s breath shudders, his hands forming into fists around the flower stalks he’s holding.

"Jihoon…" he says, sounding like a wounded exhalation. “Please. Don’t do this. I—I said I was sorry. I’m doing my best, okay? If you’re still mad about—”

“It’s not about me being mad, Daniel.” Jihoon shakes his head, the hardness in his eyes slightly softening. “It’s just—what are we even doing? I mean what's even the point of all this? Of us being together?"

"What do you mean what's the point?" He sounds frantic, but he couldn't care less even if the desperation is so clear in him. "Hoon, we love each other don’t we?"

“Do we really?” Jihoon asks, his voice faltering. It's more evident than ever how this singular question breaks him. “Do _ you? _”

“Of course I do!”

“Then that’s the problem, Niel.” He shakes his head again, the movement making the glassiness of his eyes more apparent. “I don’t believe you anymore.”

The knife pushes itself deeper, spreading the pain all the way to his fingers and cutting off his thoughts to form words. He takes a longer pause, but this time Jihoon doesn’t wait for him to pick himself up.

"I know what you're going to say. I know that you want to keep fighting for us, for what we have. I know that you want to try and make things better, get us back to how things were but—" Jihoon stutters again, his jaw locking shut as if to force himself to stay firm. He doesn't tear his eyes away from him and as usual, Daniel's held in place by their depths. This time he sees through them, sees through the facade hiding the pain swimming inside his orbs.

"I'm tired, hyung. I'm tired and I don't want you to keep fighting for something that doesn't look like it's going to fix itself anymore. I mean look at us," he says, gesturing on the space between them. "Things _ aren't _ getting any better and we both know that. At the rate we're going, we're just going to burn ourselves raw until there's really nothing left for us to save. And that's the last thing I want to happen."

"So you think this is better? To just give up? Because things are hard, you're just going to throw away everything just like that?" Daniel asks, sounding more pleading than he intended. 

"One of us has to," Jihoon says, shaking his head. "I care about you, Daniel. And I love you...so much—”

"If you love me then why are you leaving?" He spits out, unable to hold back. His heart is hammering, _ burning _ from the inside out and he doesn’t know how much control he has over himself.

“It's exactly because I do, is why I'm leaving.” Jihoon’s features soften, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. “I want what’s best for both of us...even if that means not being together.”

Daniel finds himself shaking his head defeatedly, quivering in repressed pain. “You don’t have to go,” he says, and he hates how quick his emotions are turning on him. “We can make this work, I promise. If you want to take a break then, okay...but please. Stay, Jihoon. Please.”

Jihoon pulls up a small smile at that, pained and broken and speaking of everything Daniel knows that he won’t say. "Do you honestly think we can go back to being just friends again?"

He bites his lips, hard enough to feel like he's drawing blood. He doesn't have an answer to that, and his lack of one is breaking him even more. Jihoon notices this, reads through him easily as he so expertly does and walks over to him. He raises a hand to come to rest under his chin, his thumb softly tugging down until his lips dislodge from his teeth.

In one last desperate move, Daniel slowly raises his own hand to show Jihoon what he's brought with him tonight. He shows him the roses, which by now look just as worn and pathetic as he does. He feels Jihoon's breath stutter at the sight of them, and he knows by his body language how he's doing his best to hold back his own tears.

"Please…" Daniel tries, his voice teetering and breaking along the edges. "I love you, Jihoon."

But he only gets a shake of the head in response, and Jihoon's hand coming down to push away the flowers until they're by his side again. 

"Just let me go, Niel…" he whispers, voice deep and barely loud enough for him to hear. And just when he thinks his heart can't be any more damaged, the look Jihoon gives him next proves him wrong. He isn't crying, but his eyes show of a pain so deep that's telling of how much hurt this is causing him as well. 

"I know—I _ know _ it hurts right now...but I also know you'll move on from this, and that you'll be happier." Jihoon nods, as if the statement is said more for himself than to Daniel. "Think of it this way: without the responsibilities of keeping a relationship with me, you’ll be able to focus on your dream more and do the things you love without anything holding you back,” he says in earnest, and Daniel doesn’t miss the allusion to his words.

He wants to say that his job doesn't matter, that everything he's doing would just be pointless if he wasn't here. But the question of whether he really even means it or not stops him cold, and he all too suddenly realizes what Jihoon finally means with this decision.

So Daniel bites his tongue, looks at anything that isn't the eyes in front of him. He keeps quiet when Jihoon takes a step back. He doesn't move when he passes by him, grabs his bags and heads for the door. He doesn't turn around when Jihoon weakly mutters one last goodbye and he doesn't say anything when the sound of the door finally clicks close.

It’s like a band-aid ripped off in one sudden move, gone in seconds and leaving nothing but lingering pain. The tears come a beat later, unabashed and rolling in torrents down his face. At the end of the night, a full box of cupcakes and crushed roses lay inside the trash bin by their (his) kitchen, and the sound of muffled crying serving as the only sound to fill up the void as it will in nights to come.


	6. Out Of The Woods

“That was the last time I ever saw or talked to him in person,” Daniel says to the empty shot glass on the table, voice firm and guarded. “I moved out of our apartment and got a new place a few weeks after that. I...couldn’t stay there any longer. It just hurt too much.”

He stomps a mental foot down on that train of thought, not really wanting to relive the days that came after that. Despite everything though, he's feeling a little proud that he has yet to shed a single tear for the entire night. He doesn’t look into Jihyo’s eyes, however, because as strong as he’s fooled himself into believing this whole time, he knows that seeing the sympathetic look she probably has on now will surely open the already-full flood gates.

“And you really never tried reaching out to him?" Jihyo starts, her voice matching the solemness of Daniel’s. “Not even once?”

“Umm…” He bites his lips, uncertain. “Not really, I guess? I mean, of course I wanted to, and I’ve come close to doing so but...I’m not really sure how he feels about me anymore. What I am to him. I don’t typically reach out to my exes in general, to be honest. It’s awkward and I feel like they all hate me.”

He hears the sound of a light chuckle lifting the heavy air, prompting him to finally look up and face Jihyo’s smile. 

“Did you think I hated you too?” She asks, the upturn of her lips holding nothing but mischief.

“Is that a trick question?” Daniel raises a suspicious brow, slightly wary and playful. “Because to be fair,  _ you _ were the one who called me and asked me out tonight.”

“So you regret coming here then?”

Daniel’s eyes widen, slight panic pumping in his heart. “What? No, of course not—”

But Jihyo’s laughing again, in the same cheerful way she always does that leaves him breathless.

“Bully.” He pouts, cracking a small smile in the next second.

“I never hated you, just so you know. Even though I probably cried for a week straight after we broke up.”

Daniel winces a little, shame coloring his features. “Sorry. I...don’t know what to say to that.”

Jihyo shakes her head at him, waving a small hand off. “It’s been six months, Niel. And I’ve long since accepted the fact that you and I were always better as friends. I was the one who broke it off, remember?”

Daniel snorts, crossing his arms and smirking. “Of course I remember, I mean how can I not? With almost most everyone I dated, I’m the one who always gets dumped. Look at Jihoon.” He bites his lip, pausing a bit. “I promised him that I would never leave him...and yet he was the one who left in the end.”

“Niel…” Jihyo’s tone softens, and Daniel’s eyes are suddenly on the brink again. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. From what you told me and from what I heard earlier, it doesn’t sound like it’s all your fault.”

“I know.” Daniel nods, more to himself than anything. It’s been three years but really, it’s only tonight that he’s learned to come to terms with that fact himself.

“So what made you do it?” Jihyo finally asks, her curiosity making her lean across the table to rest her chin on her hands. “I’m a little surprised, you know. I didn’t think you even listened in to Jeojang-nim.”

Daniel huffs a bashful breath, feeling his cheeks flush a little. “To be honest, I don’t really know  _ why _ I did it either. I mean...I guess I always kinda wanted to say what I said earlier. For him to hear.”

“Do you think he did?” Jihyo asks, and Daniel doesn't miss the little hopeful lilt to her voice when she does. He smiles a little, nodding once.

"Yeah...I think so."

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


_ "Well good evening everyone." _

** _"Jeojang-nim!"_ **

_ "Oh? Sungwoon-ssi! Everyone, the handsome Ha Sungwoon from your afternoon music blast is here joining me for tonight's segment. What brings you here Sungwoon-ssi?" _

** _"Jeojang-nim, please. I'm nowhere near as devilishly handsome as you! And I'm here tonight to congratulate you! Today's the one year anniversary of your show!"_ **

_ "Ah, of course! Thank you Sungwoon-ssi. And thank you for being my special guest for tonight too." _

** _"The honor is all mine. So, do you have any surprises in store for our listeners tonight Jeojang-nim? Perhaps you'll finally reveal to the world your mysterious alias?"_ **

_ "Oh I doubt anyone's interested in that Sungwoon-ssi." _

** _"Did you hear that everyone? Is there really no one out there curious about the face behind this super sexy voice?"_ **

_ "I'm sure our listeners have much better concerns than the features of my face. But, I do have something special planned for tonight in celebration of the one year anniversary." _

** _"Oh? And what's that Jeojang-nim?"_ **

_ "Instead of reading the letters all of you have sent me like I usually do, I'll be taking in calls from you listeners tonight so you can tell  _ your  _ story—live—here with me. And not to worry! I'll be talking with you the whole time so, think of it as just having a nice conversation." _

** _"Wow! A not-so-private conversation with you Jeojang-nim?? How and when do I get on this train?"_ **

_ "Sungwoon-ssi, I already hear enough of your woes of love on a daily basis so let's give our listeners a chance shall we? Everyone, I just tweeted a number that gives you a direct line to call right now on the show so whoever rings first gets the chance to come on board with me tonight." _

** _"Oh! Jeojang-nim the phone's already ringing! Answer it, answer it!"_ **

_ “Alright, let’s settle down Sungwoon-ssi. I’m picking up the call now. Hello?” _

Daniel doesn't know why he did what he did, but thinking about the how’s and why’s of it is too late. 

He just got home from work, literally just having taken his shoes off by the front door with his winter coat still on his back. It's a Thursday, and like routine he has his air pods on and his phone tuned to the live radio broadcast of Saved in the Heart—a weekly radio segment where a secret host reads out letters of romance and love sent anonymously by his listeners.

'Jeojang-nim' he calls himself, but the secret identity couldn't be any less transparent to Daniel. He recognizes the voice anywhere, even despite the initial feeling of irony in finding out the topic of his own segment (tales of love, of all things). There wasn’t even a single strand of doubt clouding his judgment from the moment he heard one of his dongsaengs at work playing the show on his phone a little less than a year ago.

He'd been a regular ever since, listening to his voice every Thursday at eight in the evening like clockwork. Always tuned in, always just listening.

Until tonight.

It's impulsive and completely beyond him how he even managed to open Jeojang-nim's twitter account, copy the number on his latest tweet and have it dialed in under two seconds right after mentioning it on air. He hears the playful exchange he’s having with his co-host tonight on one ear, and then the ringing stops on his receiver and the same familiar voice echoes not a second later.

_ "Hello?" _

There's a tightly-wound knot in his stomach, a lump the size of his fist lodging itself in his throat that pulsates in tune with his rabid heart. Daniel's aware that it's on public radio, but the voice he hears on the other end is coming from someone he hasn't heard talk to him personally in three years. Suffice to say, it's giving his chest something to jump about.

_ "Hello? Hmm, Sungwoon-ssi I think the line is dead." _

"Ah! N-no, I'm here! Hello J—Jeojang-nim!" Daniel briefly wonders if he can recognize his voice too. If it brings about the same queasiness he's feeling right now in talking to him. Probably not.

** _"Oh! We got a male caller first! This is exciting!"_ **

_ "Now Sungwoon-ssi, don't scare him off. Hello there listener and welcome to Saved in the Heart! Would you mind introducing yourself to everyone?" _

"Oh, umm—" Daniel pauses for a bit, obviously not having thought this through. The knot in his stomach is constricting him, and he hopes that he at least doesn't sound like a constipated idiot. "H-hello everyone. My name is...Flac."

** _"Flac? What an interesting name. Nice to meet you Flac-ssi!"_ **

There's a slight pause that's obviously meant for Jeojang-nim to fill up, but something tells Daniel that if he didn't recognize him by his voice earlier then he sure as hell knows who he's talking to on the other end by now. It speeds up his heart some more, excitement trickling in when he thinks about the kind of face the host is making right now at his sudden entry.

_ "Hello Flac. Thank you for joining us tonight. And I agree, Sungwoon-ssi. Flac sounds like a very...interesting person." _

Daniel snickers inwardly, masking it with composure. "Ah, I'm not really that interesting Jeojang-nim. Just one of your many faithful listeners."

_ "I’m flattered to hear that, thank you Flac. Can you tell us a little more about yourself then? Like, where are you from and what do you do?" _

He's making sure. While it can be attributed to the fact that it’s his special anniversary show tonight, Daniel still smiles a little to himself because he knows for a fact that in all his shows Jeojang-nim rarely emphasizes any interest on the profile of his listeners.

"Oh, umm—I stay here in Seoul. And I'm working as a dancer."

** _"Wow! Did you hear that Jeojang-nim? Flac-ssi is a dancer! That's so cool!"_ **

_ "Very cool indeed, Sungwoon-ssi. So Flac, I'm curious to know as to what story you have for us tonight. Because judging from what you just told me, you don't seem like the type of guy to have problems with his love life." _

Daniel chuckles, the airy muffle carrying over to the broadcast. "I wish that were true, Jeojang-nim. Sadly, I'm nowhere near as unproblematic as you paint me to be."

_ "Hmm? Why is that?" _

He pauses, the honest answer lying just at the tip of his tongue. There's a thin wall of hesitation stopping the words from coming out but he figures he doesn't really have anything to lose either way.

"I guess it has a lot to do with the fact that I basically suck at relationships," he says in one breath, just short of a sigh. “I’ve, umm—recently been in a breakup, you see. The person I was dating broke things off with me just a few days ago."

** _"Oh, Flac-ssi…"_ **

_ "I'm sorry to hear that Flac. Were you together long?" _

Daniel lets out a derisive sniff, shaking his head. "Not really. It's only been a little over two months. And you don't have to feel sorry for me Jeojang-nim, it's okay. I'm quite used to it."

_ "Really? You say that as if this kind of thing happens a lot." _

The sound of his laughter against his ears, albeit a small one, brings back so much that he can actually feel himself starting to choke up right then and there. He hasn't heard that sound directed at him in so long and yet the breath of it still feels so familiar. Warming up everything inside of him, melting his ice of doubts and fears.

"It does, actually," he answers, scratching the back of his head out of habit and feigning lightness. "I've, umm—gone out with four different people in the past year or so and it all pretty much ended up in the same way. I’m starting to lose hope, to be honest."

** _"Aww, hang in there Flac-ssi. Maybe they just weren't the right people for you."_ **

_ "I have to agree. I know how terrible it feels after a heartbreak especially when you thought the other person was ‘the one’, but you just have to keep moving forward Flac. Stay positive." _

Daniel chuckles at the irony of that statement, wondering if that's what he'd told himself to get over what happened between them.

"Thanks...but it's not really about finding someone that I'm losing hope about."

_ “Oh? What is it then?” _

Daniel pauses, trying his best to swallow the emotions rising up his throat. He didn't know what path he had intended to travel down on when he rang the radio show's number tonight, but it definitely wasn't this. It’s not completely against his wishes per se, just surprising.

“I’m losing hope of whether I’ll ever really move on,” he says in his best act of casualness, proud that his voice sounds as if he has so much control over it. “All of the people I dated broke up with me over the same reason you see, with everyone telling me in one way or another that I wasn’t really ready to be in a relationship yet.”

_ “Why would they say that?” _

He bites his lip, hesitating a little. He can pick up the mild surprise in Jeojang-nim's voice but he can't tell whether it's genuine or just part of the persona he has on. Regardless though, Daniel likes to believe that he's a little concerned.

“Well...I guess they could all tell that I haven’t really gotten over someone from my past yet.”

There’s a few seconds of silent pause that follows right after he says that, one that stretches a smidge too long for it to be on purpose.

** _“So—Flac-ssi, this person from your past...was she someone you dated too?"_ **

"Umm— _ he _ , actually. And yeah." Daniel nods to himself in blind affirmation. "He was someone I dated. Around three years ago."

** _"Woah, three years?? He must've been really special then."_ **

He clamps his mouth shut to cover up a smile as if there are even people to see it, feeling a giddiness that’s akin to making a private joke. "He was. Still is, if I'm being honest."

** _"Now you're making me curious Flac-ssi. What do you think, Jeojang-nim?"_ **

The response comes a beat too late, small enough to probably go unnoticed but not to Daniel.

_ "I agree Sungwoon-ssi. Seems like an interesting story here. So Flac, why don't you tell us more about this special person.” _

Daniel pauses for a bit, the realization of what he's actually doing only beginning to sink in and he hesitates. He's opening old wounds—not just for him but also for the person running the radio show—to be broadcasted on-air and for the entire city of Seoul to hear. The more he thinks about it, the more it's beginning to sound like a terrible idea. 

"Is that alright with you, Jeojang-nim?" He asks, hoping the implication sends. He hears him chuckle on the other end and he swears his heart almost does a tumble.

_ "I don't see why not, Flac. Go ahead." _

Daniel still can’t tell whether the words are coming from the person he knows or from the professional radio host he’s talking to, but it gives him a bit of motivation and comfort nonetheless to open his heart out. 

“Okay, umm—so this person was uhh...he was actually my best friend before we even started dating,” he says in a soft breath, finding it safe to start with the facts first. "We used to live together, back when we first moved here to Seoul."

** _“Best friend turned lovers? Wow, this just keeps getting better!"_ **

_ "Now, now Sungwoon-ssi, let him finish. Flac?" _

"Umm, right...so uhh—" Daniel gulps down some of his nerves, late in hoping that the sound doesn't carry over to the broadcast. He’s come up blank, unsure how or what to go about with next.

_ "Why don't I help you out there? I'll ask some questions and you can just answer them instead of pulling something out of a blank page, yeah?" _

Daniel momentarily smiles a little, pride blossoming in his chest. He’s still excellent in reading right through him, even under circumstances such as this one. Most of all though, he’s proud over the fact that he’s really gotten good at what he does and experiencing it first-hand now makes him even prouder.

"O-okay. Sure, that sounds good."

_ "Alright then. So I assume since you and this guy lived together, your friendship just developed into something bigger for you to have started dating, right? How long did it take you to realize there was something more beyond your initial relationship?" _

Daniel ponders the question, but he finds that it doesn't really take him too long to come up with an honest answer. "I guess a part of me had always known, really. I consider a lot of people my best friends, you see, but with him...it was different. I didn't know at the time if it was because he was younger than me by a few years or if it was because we lived together, but I always felt strongly when it came to him."

_ "Oh? Strong in what way?" _

"I don't really know how to explain it but…" His lips instinctively begin to pout, searching for words. "Looking back at it now, I've always had this urge to make him happy. To protect him—make him feel that he's not alone and that I valued him. That he was special. And in turn, doing all those things made  _ me _ happy as well."

** _"Wow. I guess I shouldn't be surprised why your best friend fell for you then, Flac-ssi. Doesn’t it sound so romantic Jeojang-nim?"_ **

_ “Indeed it does, Sungwoon-ssi. So what was your relationship like, Flac?” _

The question comes out sounding so curious that Daniel’s a little taken aback by the tone of it. It pains him a little, to have to answer something like that to someone who already knows what the answer is. Then again, he really has no one to blame here tonight but himself.

"I guess I would say it was...intense," he says, pausing a little to choose his words. “It was kind of...fast, and bright, and blinding by how strong our feelings for each other were that it almost felt...a little fragile. We were best friends, but I only ever really knew him for a few short months before we decided to be together and yet—” Daniel holds his tongue, hesitating. He struggles with it when the words are literally pouring themselves out of him.

_ “It’s okay Flac, don’t be shy.” _

The sound of his voice eases him again, just like it always does whenever he finds himself plagued with trepidations and he can’t help but think how the effect he has on him is still the same as ever.

“...and yet, it’s like every time we were together...every time I so as much touched him—it made me feel like everything I ever needed was right there in front of me. I felt like he knew me like the back of his hand, so well that it was so easy for us to memorize and understand each other. We both had different personalities but instead of it becoming a hindrance, it sort of just fueled everything more. Like, everything I was lacking—all my shortcomings—could be found in him and vice versa. It’s kind of overwhelming, actually, because I’ve never felt that way with any other person before. Ever.”

** _“Wow. That’s deep, Flac-ssi.”_ **

_ “And how long were you together?” _

The question comes so cold and detached on that one, that Daniel winces a little at how professional it sounded coming from him. Maybe he really is just spinning the gears here. "A little less than a year," he says with slight remorse, the weight of his answer reining him down. "But we've only really been a couple for about six months or so."

_ "I see. So, let’s go back to the present for a sec. Do you think that’s why none of your relationships now have ever worked out? Because it didn’t live up to how things were with you two back then?” _

“Umm...I wouldn't say that exactly,” Daniel says, frowning at himself a little. “I’d like to believe that I always entered new relationships without holding any comparisons to what came before it. When Ji—” He bites his lips, catching himself. “Umm—when we broke up three years ago, I only ever really started seeing other people again sometime around last year. So I guess my problems now have less to do with the kind of relationship I'm in and more on the fact that people think I haven’t really gotten over my ex yet.”

_ “Well, are you though? Over him, I mean.” _

Daniel lets that question sink in a little longer, letting the sear he feels in his chest pass before he continues. 

"I always tell myself that I am," he starts, the words coming out rough until he clears his throat. "Every time I feel like I'm falling for someone new, it really feels like I'm over it. Then I start dating and everything would feel good for a while. Then the person I’m dating breaks up with me after a few months and—” He frowns, cringing at his own patheticness. “Well, I guess I've just gotten good at lying to myself when the truth is, I'm really not over it.”

_ “So is it safe to assume that things didn’t end well between you and your friend?” _

It stings again, having to hear him pretend like he doesn't know. This time Daniel has to bite the inside of his cheek to distract him from the pain in his chest. “Yeah…I guess you could say that.”

** _"Why did you two break up in the first place then, Flac-ssi? If you don't mind me asking."_ **

Daniel briefly wonders what kind of face he has on now with that kind of question thrown out. He stops thinking two seconds later when all he sees in his head is the same face he saw right before he left him that night.

"I...didn't take good enough care of him. Of us," he says heavily, holding back the sigh so it doesn't muffle the air too much on the radio. "I, umm—had a bit of a rough patch with my job in the past while we were together. Basically the long and short of it is, it got me too engrossed with my work. I couldn't really see it at the time because, well...I loved what I was doing. I love dancing more than anything and while he was supportive and understanding about it all...I took him for granted."

There's another stretch of dead air, a few seconds longer than the ones before it that worries Daniel a little especially when it's still Sungwoon who speaks to him.

** _"Oh...what happened?"_ **

He chews on his lip in hesitation, ultimately deciding to just take the leap. He’s already gone this far, what’s a few more hurdles to stop him? "Well, he broke up with me. I came home one night to see his bags packed and him all ready to leave. I tried to stop him, told him that we should try to work things out, but he'd already made up his mind about leaving so...he did.”

_ “He left you? Just like that?” _

Daniel’s frown dips lower, the sting growing sharper. “There’s a lot more to it but...yeah. I don't blame him though, and I guess that's why I've always found it hard to move on. To this day,  _ I _ still blame myself for what happened."

_ "Is it all your fault though? Because it kinda sounds a little unfair to me, Flac—the way he just made the decision for both of you like that." _

Daniel does a double-take in his head, baffled by his words. It confuses him now more than ever, a little hurt in thinking if he's really just been speaking to him as his radio persona and pretending to be sympathetic this entire time.

"I don't think I gave him much of a choice, to be honest," he says, invisibly shaking his head. “I understand why he did what he did. He wanted the best for us and—well, it took me a while but I learned to respect that now. It’s really just me who’s still stuck in the past.”

** _"Are you guys still friends then? I mean, you were best friends before so..."_ **

Daniel bites back a smile at that, appreciating the irony. "Umm, not really. I haven't exactly seen or spoken to him ever since we broke up."

_ "Why not?" _

He’s learned to expect it a little by now, but the question still comes with a slight pang even though Daniel doesn't miss the genuine tone of curiosity in it. "He was the one who left that night, and I think he made it very clear that he had enough of me trying to fix things. It's kinda hard to go back to what we were after everything."

_ "Do you still love him?" _

It makes him pause again, but this time he couldn't care less if his lulled silence causes a bit of dead air in the broadcast. He remembers being asked the same thing in the past—under different and much heavier circumstances, yes—but it still brings him back nonetheless. Back to their old apartment that smells of the peach body wash they shared every night before they went to bed. Back in their tiny kitchen where they snuck midnight snacks to bed on nights they stay up late. Back in the space where they set up their small dining room, where one of them was crying their eyes out after waiting all night for the other to come home. Back when everything felt solid and whole, precious and fragile at the same time.

"I do," he finally answers, his voice coming out soft despite how repressed the emotions of the words evoke. "I guess there's really no point in me denying it much anymore. I tried going out with other people 'cause I thought I was ready. It's been three years and I honestly thought it was time to give myself a chance again. The joke’s on me because really, all it did was remind me of how much I still love him and to be honest, I don't think there will ever come a time that I won’t."

He’s met with silence again, one he understands because even he can feel the enormity of what he just said.

_ "Why don't you try reaching out to him Flac? Like you said, three years is a long time. Things could be different now." _

Daniel can't tell what he's implying by saying that, but he gives out his honest answer regardless. 

"I'm actually a little scared," he says, chuckling a little. "Like, I tried to—before. But I always ended up chickening out and losing everything I had planned to say before I even attempt it. I check up on him from time to time though, from our other friends."

_ “Really?” _

Daniel purses his lips in slight glee. There’s no masking the surprise in that. “Yeah,” he says in amusement. “I don’t ask about him much but, just enough for me to know how he’s doing. It’s all I can really do at this point, I guess.”

_ “I see. Well Flac, let me first thank you for sharing your personal story with us tonight. I think I can say that I relate to you first-hand on what it feels like to have a hard time moving on from someone important.” _

** _“Wow, really Jeojang-nim?? You got a heartbreak story too?? Tell us, tell us!”_ **

_ “It’s a story for another day, Sungwoon-ssi, and my job here tonight is to help other people like Flac." _

** _"Okay, you heard it here first folks. I'm holding you to your word on that one!"_ **

_ "So going back, Flac—in my experience in reading out stories from all our listeners in the past, I always find that communication and simply talking to the other person is easily sometimes the best way to go about things. Wouldn't you agree?" _

Daniel sets his mouth in a tight line, nodding slowly. "I guess so. But I wouldn't exactly call it easy."

_ "Of course. But sometimes we really just have to take the necessary steps. Otherwise we may never move forward." _

“That’s true.”

_ “So in that regard, I’m giving you this opportunity Flac. Since you’re on-air right now, what do you say to maybe leaving a message for this friend of yours? No pressure, you can say anything you feel like saying. Let your feelings out, be  _ brutally honest _ , or even just say ‘hi’ and who knows? He just might be listening.” _

Daniel considers it, his heartbeat spiking at the idea. It's kind of ironic how he still feels nervous after all the talking they've already been doing tonight, but what he's potentially about to say next feels a whole lot different. All this time he'd just been retelling a story, realizing it in himself that he’s also somehow speaking as if he didn’t already know who he was speaking to. Now he’s being asked to  _ really _ talk, the weight of that fact settling in his gut.

"Umm...okay. Why not?"

_ "Alright, excellent. The floor is yours Flac." _

Daniel takes a deep breath, tries to place in his mind's eye the image of him. Sitting in a booth in front of a microphone, probably smiling to himself over this entire exchange. He could be frowning, displeased even, but Daniel likes to believe that Jihoon wasn't just indulging him this entire time and was genuinely talking to him.

"Uhh, yeah. Hey there. So, umm—I...I know we haven't talked in a while and uhh—" He scratches the back of his head in a stutter, the shift in the perspective of who he’s talking to feeling a little new. He clears his throat a bit, swallowing his reservations.

"Honestly, the first thing that comes to mind right now is that I want to say sorry...but I don’t really wanna say that. I've said those words far too many times in the past to even have value anymore and the only thing I’m sorry about now is that you’re finding me here, of all places. So I guess now, above all else, what I really wanna say is that...I’m really grateful that I met you.”

Daniel chews on his lower lip, partly waiting for someone to respond on the other end. It's quiet. It's all him now. 

"Meeting you changed me, and while I can’t really say if it’s for the better, I like to believe that it was,” he says, the words coming out like a strong exhalation. “I remember how we used to talk about destiny, about being brought together by forces beyond our control and all that. I still don’t know if that’s true or not but...what I do know is that I would never be where I am now if it wasn’t for you—and I’m really grateful for that.”

He thinks back to all the quiet times they found themselves in lying on their shared bed doing nothing but talking, or just snuggling on the couch and silently staring at each other with Daniel idly playing with Jihoon’s bleached-dry hair. All the moments of simplicity, hours of only a few words to exchange that he’s learned to appreciate now more than ever.

“Breaking up was hard.  _ I  _ took it hard,” he continues, shaking his head. “I think I felt every kind of emotion I could possibly feel the first few months after you left me. I was mad. Disappointed. Regretful—but mostly of course I was sad. I missed you and—in fact, I still do. I don't think anything in my life has ever hurt as much than when you walked out that door that night."

He can feel his emotions rising up to his throat, choking him up like a cold tendril latching itself around his neck. It's a little debilitating but he soldiers through, swallowing hard twice to make some room.

“I know that we weren’t perfect. And looking back now, I can see how things moved too fast between us...how bright we burned and how much all our words and actions really affected each other. Maybe we were just meant to fall apart or...maybe I really was just an idiot to have done what I did. But if the last three years without you have taught me anything, it's that I now know you were right that night.”

Daniel pauses, building up his breath in blind courage. “We had to break up, and you had to leave. It really was for the best, yes—but I also just wanted to say that I know there could’ve been another way that would’ve saved either of us from turning into what we are now. I guess what I’m trying to say is...if things were really bound to end between us, I wish it could’ve at least ended differently.”

He replays that night in his head. The image of Jihoon standing in front of him so clear as if it only happened yesterday. There's still the same heart-sinking feeling, but somehow it feels duller. As if with every word that comes out of his mouth, the weight he’s been carrying is slowly lifting off.

“I like to believe that I'm a different person now than I was back then—and you probably are now too,” he says slowly, nodding to himself. “The situation was different. Everything was different. But the one thing that has probably stayed the same for me even after all these years is...how much I love you."

His voice cracks a little on that last part, and he clears his throat immediately right after to blow it over. "I know you don’t feel the same way anymore and that it's already been so long...but my feelings have never changed. I wish I could—well, I wish for a lot of things, really. Things I can’t really ask for or have anymore but, I guess I can at least content myself that I told you. That you at least know the words I wasn’t able to say that night.”

When he’s done, Daniel basks in the silence and lets the words float out of him completely. The constricting feeling in his chest is gone, and the cold tendrils suffocating him seconds earlier now feels like a thing from ages ago. He breathes in the lightness of the moment, completely oblivious to the few tears that escaped his eyes and have made their way down his face.

_ “Thank you for that, Flac. You did very well. And like all the other stories I’ve come across in my time here, I will save yours—in my heart.” _

It’s the same line Jeojang-nim always says after every letter he’s read in the past, but Daniel now fully understands why he’s become so popular with them. After pouring out so much of himself, it delivers a different kind of comfort that somehow eases the tension.

“Thank you, Jeojang-nim.”

_ “I hope I was able to help?” _

Daniel smiles and nods, before he mentally palms his forehead in reminder that there’s no one to see the gesture. “Yes. You’ve done plenty for me, Jeojang-nim. Thank you.”

_ “And for some final advice Flac: Go back tonight to where it all started for you. Sometimes in order to really move forward, we really just have to retrace our steps and see where we came from.” _

Daniel nods once more in earnest, warmth spreading down his body. “Okay,” he says, voice as light as his chest. “I hope I wasn’t too much for you and Sungwoon-ssi tonight.”

** _“Flac-ssi, it may be my first time joining here but I am confident to say that you are absolutely my favorite guest ever.”_ **

He laughs at that and for the first time, he notices how good and genuine it actually feels. 

_ “Any final words before we let you go, Flac?” _

“I think I’ve said all I need now,” he says with a slight chuckle. “I’ll leave it to you guys then.”

_ “Alright, thanks again for being a fantastic guest Flac. ‘Til next time!” _

** _“Wah, I think I teared up a little here Jeojang-nim! You’re really amazing!”_ **

_ “Ah, thank you Sungwoon-ssi. But I’m afraid I’ve used all our time now in helping Flac.” _

** _“Oh I’m sure all our listeners tonight don’t mind, right everyone? Flac-ssi’s story really hits!”_ **

_ “I have to agree. I sincerely hope everyone appreciated his presence here as much as we did.” _

** _“Yes, and I hope Flac-ssi finally gets what he needs to move on.”_ **

_ “I hope so too. And Sungwoon-ssi, before I forget, an enormous thank you to you too for being your fun and amazing self with me here tonight! I don’t think I could’ve handled all that without you.” _

** _“Oh stop being modest, Jeojang-nim. But thank you too, I really enjoyed being here.”_ **

_ “Thank you, Sungwoon-ssi. So, I believe it’s time to say goodbye for now. Everyone, thank you so much for all the support you have given me in the last year and I hope to continue to be of help to everyone out there in the years to come. So until then—” _

** _“Oh! Oh! Wait! Can I say it?? I’ve always wanted to say it!”_ **

_ “Ah, of course! Be my guest Sungwoon-ssi.” _

** _“Yes! Okay, a pleasant night to everyone and until then—Jeojang!”_ **


	7. Begin Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Besides the title, this chapter was heavily inspired by Lee Hyun's song ['You're here'](https://open.spotify.com/track/36zZvvRoRUgDiqwbaH84BB). Give it a listen if you haven't yet :)

The heavy thump of Jihyo’s empty shot glass echoes around the silence of their private room. Daniel gives her a look, eyeing the now two empty bottles of whiskey on their table.

“I can’t believe you finished that,” he says, shaking his head in wonder. “Are you sure you’re not drunk?”

“Do I look like I’m drunk?” She smirks, wiggling her right eyebrow. Daniel wants to point out that her face is looking a little flush and saturated, but even he can’t remember if it’s naturally been like that all this time or if it’s because of their drinks.

“How does Jungkook handle drinking with you,” he asks rhetorically, filling their glasses with the water that the waitress just left them. “How is he, by the way?”

Jihyo snorts, taking a graceful swig of the glass Daniel passes her. “You ask that as if you two don’t talk to each other on a weekly basis.”

“Hey, I didn’t want to bother him this week! He’s still on that trip with his friends right?”

Jihyo just chuckles at him, waving a hand. “He’s fine, Niel. He’s flying back tomorrow. We’re going out to dinner too, do you wanna come?”

Daniel makes a face, sipping at his water pensively. “Umm, I’ll pass. It’s his first night back and you two haven’t seen each other in two weeks. I’m not third-wheeling on that.”

“If anyone’s third-wheeling when the three of us hangout it’s me.” Jihyo rolls her eyes, and Daniel doesn’t hold back his laugh on that one. 

They sit in silence for the nth time again that night, the lightness he felt earlier after having finished his impromptu guest appearance at Jihoon’s radio show coming back in an easy wave. He’s a little in awe at himself, over how much of his past he’s managed to churn out in a single night. He doesn’t  _ feel _ any different per se, but whatever is settled in his gut right now definitely doesn’t feel too bad.

“Are you gonna talk to him?” Jihyo suddenly asks, waking him out of his reverie. Daniel doesn’t even need to think about who she’s referring to.

“Maybe...I’ll probably have to work up enough courage first though.” He nods to himself, trying to solidify his decision. 

“Well, I thought it was very brave of you,” Jihyo says, and Daniel looks up to catch her smiling fondly. “What you did earlier. The way you poured your heart out for everyone to hear. If you could do that then I’m sure you’ll find the courage to talk to him again.”

Daniel can feel the corners of his mouth pulling up, genuinely returning the smile. “Thanks, Jihyo. For listening and for being here.”

“One thing did stick out to me though,” she says, her head slightly tilting to the side. “What Jeojang-nim said, I thought it sounded very wise.”

Daniel’s raises a curious eyebrow, questioning. “Which part?”

“His last advice to you, about going back to where it all started. How sometimes we have to retrace our steps in order to move forward,” she says with a casual shrug. “I thought that sounded so profound.”

Daniel feels his blood turn down a few degrees colder, the words Jihyo’s referring to echoing inside his head. It’s like a switch being turned on, except his reaction to the flicker comes a few hours too late that he wonders himself how and why he didn’t realize it sooner. He'd been in such a state of weightless euphoria earlier near the end of the radio show that Jihoon's words only start showing their meaning right now.

"What time is it?" He asks in a harried tone, not waiting for Jihyo to respond and fishing out his own phone from his pocket instead.

"What's wrong?" Jihyo asks, but Daniel is already switched to hyperdrive when he sees that there's only half an hour left until midnight. 

"Niel? What's—"

"I have to go," he says, eyes still locked on his screen and legs already moving to pick himself off the tatami floor.

"Is everything alright?"

The concern in Jihyo's voice snaps him back a little for him to face her again, immediately getting him to put up his best smile of reassurance.

“Yeah, Everything’s fine Jihyo I just—there’s something I think I have to do,” he says, rushing to put his winter coat on.

“Right now?”

“Yes—I think...I’m not sure.” Daniel looks outside their window, seeing the snow falling outside. The first snow of the year. “But I have to see first.”

“O...kay?”

He smiles at her, already heading for the door. “Don’t worry. I’ll explain it next time. Can you handle the bill first? I’ll pay you after.”

“I can’t believe you’re bailing on me!”

Daniel grins, giving her a mock salute just before he’s out the door. “Thanks Jihyo! I’ll see you and Kookie next week!”

He's greeted by the cold winter air the moment he sets foot outside the restaurant. The snow is coming down thicker than he thought, already blanketing the tops of a few nearby trees in a soft, white flurry. He only gives himself a second to appreciate the sight because he's hailing an incoming taxi in the next, not wasting any time. 

_ 'Go back tonight to where it all started for you' _

Jihoon's words from earlier echo in his mind like a broken record player, a silent message that Daniel fervently hopes he isn't too late in deciphering. He can only think of one place where Jihoon could possibly mean with what he said. And as the cab he's on passes down the familiar roads and pathways back to their old apartment building, more memories from three years ago come flashing back to him by the second.

It doesn't help that he's practically relived every moment of that time in his life in just a single night, or that he's frantically racing against the clock with only—and he checks his phone again— fifteen minutes left before midnight. His mind is on overdrive, his emotions bordering on hysterics that he doesn't even know what to focus on anymore.

He could be wrong. He could be building up his expectations and starting up on this wild goose-chase for no reason at all. Because besides his hunches and assumptions on what he thinks is a cryptic message from his ex, what else does he have to hold on for?

Doubt starts trickling in, freezing his resolve and turning his blood colder than what the winter snow could possibly do. He checks the time on his phone again, sees the digits blink and change leaving him one minute closer to midnight. His taxi stops at a red light, and judging from where they currently are and the state of the vehicle traffic ahead of them, Daniel already knows he’s not going to make it. 

Make it to what, exactly? What does he even think he’ll encounter? He knows Jihoon couldn’t have possibly moved back in their old apartment, so what is he even chasing? Why is his gut telling him to follow it, to ride the flow of this unexplainable urge to go there?

_ ’—we really just have to retrace our steps and see where we came from.’ _

“Ahjussi, you can drop me here,” he says to the driver, hurriedly fishing out a few bills from his wallet before opening the car door. “Keep the change.”

Daniel makes a run for it, taking two steps more than what the average person runs with and dashing as fast as his long legs would carry him. He doesn’t stop, doesn’t think. He doesn’t let his mind focus on anything but breathing and reaching his goal. He sprints ahead of the traffic, cutting corners and weaving through familiar alleyways that’ll take him faster to his destination. He’s feeling winded by the minute, the cold air drying out his lungs but effectively ridding his body of the doubt he felt creeping up on him earlier. 

He sees it after one final turn of a street—the driveway and entrance to his very first apartment here in the city. It’s the same as ever, save for the two pots of miniature pine trees that didn’t used to be there before situated beside the double glass doors. The sudden flash of nostalgia hits him harder this time that it leaves him gaping for a few seconds before he finally manages to cross the street and enter the premises.

Not much else is different once he’s inside and Daniel just makes a beeline for the lifts. He ignores the wash of memories bombarding his thoughts for now, focusing instead on catching his breath. He can feel his sweat running down the middle of his chest, cold beads leaving tired trails in evidence to the effort it took him to run here. He watches the number on the digital LED panel tick by in his ascent, his nerves coming at him in full force when he reaches level ten.

The hallways are empty of anything living when the elevator doors finally open, but it’s full of the ghosts of familiarity supplied by his mind. It all comes back in small, short bursts, memories of his time here with Jihoon flashing back in his head with every step he takes. He finally reaches the front door, his heart thumping madly inside the confines of his chest while his fingernails dig crescents into his palms. He takes a deep breath—several ones—to work up his courage and ring the bell.

A countdown begins in his head then after the soft sound of the doorbell echoes inside, the numbers in his head ticking slowly as he stands there and waits for a response. It’s agonizing, the silence of the hallway blaring in his ears and making the sound of his mad heartbeat even louder. He’s tempted to ring the bell again sixty seconds in, tempted to just pack up and leave on the second minute. 

Alas the familiar sounds of the lock clicks by the fourth, and Daniel swears his heart stops in all the anticipation. The door opens, and it's not Jihoon.

"Yes?" A man says, clad in nothing but a loose white shirt and a pair of boxer shorts. The expression on his face and the annoyed tone of his voice tells that he's just woken up from sleep.

"Can I help you?" The man asks again when all Daniel does is gape, all words lost in his mouth when the sudden thought occurs to him. Is he Jihoon's new partner? Are they living together? In their old apartment?

"Umm—I, uhh...I'm looking for Park Jihoon?" Daniel stutters, scared of the answer he’ll hear yet only getting him a frown in response. 

"Sorry, I think you have the wrong address," the guy says in a grunt right before he slams the door on his face. Daniel jumps a little, then the locks click and he's once again left in silence.

He puts a hand over his chest, over at his now slowing heart rate while he gulps down the lump that's formed in his throat over the past few minutes. So he was wrong. Jihoon didn't mean anything by what he said and he really did just come here for nothing. 

He fishes his phone out of his pocket to check the time again. It's five minutes past twelve, and there's a text message from Jihyo which he sees in the preview is a photo of their dinner bill tonight. He sighs, shoulders slumping as he walks back down the hallway to the lifts. He knew the disappointment would hurt, but he didn't expect it to hurt this much.

And then he sees it, literally after five steps in. The fire exit just beside the lifts on this level, the one with the push-lock door that holds the stairwell that leads to the roof. The roof where Jihoon always likes to go to when he couldn’t sleep. The roof where they first took the leap to be something more than friends.

Daniel runs the rest of the way, pushing the door with his body weight with a lot more force than necessary. He takes the stairs three steps at a time and propels himself with the help of the handrails, easily reaching the top in seconds. 

A blast of cool air greets him in the next instant, followed by the amazing sight of nighttime Seoul. He's forgotten what it's like to be up here, to feel the wind brushing whispers against his ears and the sky to open up so wide and clear above him. He doesn't know whether it's the length of time he hasn't seen this view or if it's because of the added incentive of snowfall but damn—the city has never looked more incredible.

It takes him a while to recover, but the feeling soon passes to resurface the painful disappointment he'd been feeling from earlier. He's not going to lie, he was really expecting to see a silhouette of a person sitting on top of the roof's ledge when he got here the same way it went down that night all those years ago back at that university dorm. But there isn't a silhouette of anyone. He's alone with only the white blanket of snow and the faraway sounds of the city to accompany him. Even the little plant garden that used to be here is barren, probably taken inside to wait out the winter months. 

He checks his phone again, stuck wondering if he's too late or if there ever really was something to be late for. He'll probably never know now, and—

"Hey, Flac."

Daniel freezes, absolutely shuts down for a solid two seconds at the sound of the voice before he feels his mind coming back to him and his heart rushing to catch up. He doesn't need to do or think much of anything to know who it is but he vaguely registers that it came from behind him. He twists his head to take a peek, slowly turning around until he's face to face with the owner.

To say his breath is taken away would be an understatement, but the visible fog in the cold air he produces when he inhales and exhales deeply should atone to the impact this moment gives him. Jihoon's  _ right there _ , in front of him and in the flesh. Jet-black hair blowing in the wind and trapping a few flakes of snow, brushed down to form a slightly parted fringe over his face. His face that looks different—sharper and rounder at the same time as it is familiar—and looking a lot more regal than he remembers. 

“You’re here,” Daniel whispers, unaware that the words in his head even came out. Jihoon gives him a small smile, his speckled lips turned up in a warm reply. 

"Yeah. I…" He hesitates, visibly swallowing. "I was beginning to think you wouldn't come. I was just about to leave, you know."

There's a slight panic that enters his system at that but ultimately the relief of his decision to come here overpowers him. All that running and rushing to get here was worth it. He was right.

"S-sorry. I—I, umm...I didn’t catch what you meant earlier. I realized too late."

Jihoon shakes his head at him, brushing it off. "It's okay. You're here now," he says, one of his hands awkwardly gesturing in his space. It goes without saying that he's probably just as nervous and fidgety as Daniel is, seeing him in the flesh. "It's good to see you. You, umm—you look good."

Daniel wants to return the sentiment back, but he doesn't think he can say the same for Jihoon when he's out here looking like he does. 'Good' just doesn't do him justice. “Umm, thanks.” He internally cringes at his tone, his cheeks warming. "It's good to see you too."

It’s awkward, but it’s the kind of which that Daniel doesn’t think he minds too much of. He’s too busy taking the whole sight of Jihoon in that he doesn’t have room to think much of anything else. It  _ has _ been three years since they last saw each other—on a night that didn’t end on a high note, if he may add—so he thinks it’s perfectly acceptable that a few minutes happen to roll by without either of them saying a single word. Jihoon looks to be doing the same thing as he is if he may be so brazen to assume it, but he’s the one who eventually breaks the silence between them either way.

“So umm—about earlier…” Jihoon starts, looking down while his hand finds its old habit of scratching the top of his head. “I’m honestly still a little in shock that you actually did that.”

The uncertainty in his tone makes Daniel double back, a little startled with the idea that he probably crossed a line with what happened earlier. “S-sorry, I didn’t—”

“No, no—it’s fine.” Jihoon raises both hands in assurance, just as startled. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m...glad you did what you did actually. It, umm—" He pauses, shaking his head suddenly while he lets out a soft chuckle under his breath. His lower lip is pulled down to show his teeth, and Daniel almost loses it from the familiarity of the image alone. 

"I can't believe we're still so terrible at this," Jihoon says, getting him to crack a smile in return. It does bring back a lot of memories, of trepid steps around each other and careful swings of diluted truths. It's just the way things are, from the moment they first met until now.

"Brutal honesty?" Daniel suggests, smiling at the allusion. "It's technically your turn now—to be fair."

He sees Jihoon holding back a grin, looking just as glad to have dodged the budding tension. He looks down at his feet again, nodding to the ground as if to assure himself that this is really happening. Daniel doesn’t blame him, he’s having a hard time grasping reality at the moment too.

“Okay, umm—I told you to come here tonight because...there are things I wanna tell you. As Jihoon, not Jeojang-nim.” He starts to say, his gaze coming back up to meet him and hold him in place. “And I wanna start by saying that, my feelings about meeting you and you being a part of my life has never changed since that night I first told you about them. Despite everything, I’m really grateful that I met you too, Daniel.”

He can feel his heart quickening its pace at Jihoon's words, and he doesn't even try to hold back the smile that's making its way up to his face. He wasn’t expecting anything, but hearing him say that definitely makes all the effort it took for him to rush here all the more worth it.

"I regret a lot of things," Jihoon continues, his brows slightly creasing. "About us and—about how I handled our problems. If we were to lay it all out, there’s no denying that what you said earlier was right...about how things ended between us. It was unfair and selfish of me to have made the decision by myself like that. I'm sorry."

The warmth emanating from his core all too suddenly stops, freezing his veins cold and unexpectedly dry. All this time he had blamed himself over what happened. Countless nights that even up until today are spent thinking about all the mistakes he's drowned them in. He doesn't know what to do with the idea of Jihoon also feeling that same blame too.

"Jihoon, you don't have to apologize."

He gets a small nod and a casual shrug of a shoulder, a patronizing look on his face. "Maybe. But I could say the same thing to you," he says, smiling. "I guess it really doesn't matter whose fault it was anymore. We both messed up so bad that we ended up blaming ourselves either way."

It's so evident in the way Jihoon's holding himself how big of a deal this is for him. His eyes reflect the weight of his words, and Daniel thinks this must be how he looked like earlier too when it was him pouring his heart out on the radio.

"I still stand by my decision though, about breaking up with you," Jihoon says with a hardness in his tone, not unlike how he always was when he’s set on something important. "I admit I was selfish at first, thinking that you didn't value me as much as I thought you did...or that you didn’t love me anymore. I still remember the words I said that night and I know it seems like I acted on that but...that was never the case.”

Jihoon exhales a breath, as heavy as the memory he’s drawing for them. One floor down with only a few stairwells separating them from where it happened.

“I broke up with you because...for the first time in my life, I genuinely felt that someone else's happiness was more important than my own,” he says solemnly, sincerity bleeding through his words. "I knew at the time that the kind of happiness you needed wasn't something I could give you or could come from being with me. It was hard but...I knew I had to accept it sooner or later so I did. And I don't think I can find it in me to regret that doing so because—well, look at you now."

Daniel scoffs, mockingly rolling his eyes to hide the fact that he suddenly feels his lids swelling and his heart starting to bloom with a breathless kind of warmth. "Single and pathetic?" He says, soft so as to ensure his voice doesn’t break.

"Well, yeah that." Jihoon giggles, matching his light sarcasm. "And I guess there’s also the fact that you're now one of Korea's most sought-after choreographers in the industry, so…"

Daniel's eyebrows shoot up at that, a silent question in surprise. He hasn’t told anyone that bit of detail about himself except—

"What? You're not the only one asking Jaehwan-hyung for news," Jihoon admits sheepishly, a small smirk pulling at his lips. "I know I'm three years too late to even be explaining myself, but I just wanted you to know why I did what I did. I never hated you, Daniel, or resented you over what happened. And I'm sorry if I made it seem that way."

Daniel nods in acknowledgement. Deep down he's long since accepted the alternative, so hearing the opposite now is bringing him a wash of relief that feels as if a huge thorn he didn't even realize he was carrying had just been plucked out of his chest.

"Do you think it's too late for us to be friends again?" He suddenly asks, immediately regretting how the thought slipped out of his mouth without any preamble. He feels a chill run down his spine at the speed of which Jihoon's face falls. The expression alone is answer enough.

"Niel…" He starts to say, and the sound of his nickname and tone of voice he uses instantly plummets his heart down to his feet. "I don't—"

Daniel nods to cut him off, not wanting to hear it. "It's okay. I understand." They both said it themselves, right? It's impossible for them to go back to being just friends. Everything they've been through, all the moments they shared together; it's reached the extremities of their relationship to the point of no return. He knows this, despite the pain it brings coming unexpectedly. What was he even thinking?

"Daniel—"

"It's okay, Jihoon. F-forget I said anythi—"

“You’re not the only one who has trouble moving on, you know." 

His thoughts freeze again, mind going blank and singling out the echo of what Jihoon just said. He meets his gaze, sees the smirk that was there seconds prior be replaced by a troubled frown. Daniel can feel himself reflecting the same expression, mirroring it with shock.

"What?"

Jihoon just stares at him, sighing when he shakes his head. "I tried—just like you—to go out and see other people," he says, every word coming out like a hard punch. "I tried to give myself a chance at love again, to move forward. Except I think I got it worse because to tell you the truth, I can't even last through a single first date with anyone."

He looks down at his feet, kicking an invisible pebble on the concrete. Daniel on the other hand is reeling, trying to make sense of what just came out of Jihoon's mouth. He understands the implication of his words as clear as day, it's just that there's a barrier over his heart that's refusing to comprehend them. 

"I know I have no right to say this because I was the one who broke things off but...I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss you too, Daniel." Jihoon talks over his silence, only looking up again to face him. "Everyday for the past three years, I always wake up feeling a little more pathetic than the day before because I  _ can’t _ move on. It's like no matter what I do, my thoughts always end up going back to you. Everything I see reminds me of you. Heck, even everything I  _ smell _ makes me think of you."

There’s a slight hint of resolve in his eyes, but an obvious amount of hesitation everywhere else that takes Daniel back to three years ago. Here on this very rooftop, the same look of uncertainty in Jihoon’s features right before they jumped the cliff away from their friendship into the depths of something more. The words they exchanged, the worries they shared; the feeling of it all is so familiar that it knocks the breath out of him.

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while now, actually,” Jihoon says sheepishly, slowly drawing the words out. “I even have your number on my phone. And I knew from Jaehwan-hyung that you weren't really mad at me so all I really had to do was send you a message."

Daniel blinks dumbly, a little thrown off with that bit of information. "Why didn't you?"

Jihoon shrugs, a sad kind of pain flashing through his eyes. "Remember that jajangmyeon place near the station? I was working late one night and went there to grab some dinner, and I saw you the very second I walked in," he says, smiling a bit on what must be the flowering surprise on Daniel's face. 

"You were with someone at the time. I didn't know who she was but...you looked happy. You both looked happy." Jihoon nods, as if the memory is something he has to affirm to himself. "I watched you from a distance for a while, talking and laughing and then—umm...well, I saw you lean over and kiss her on the cheek."

Daniel is doing his best trying to remember that moment, what was happening and who he was with. He's coming up blank—he doesn't even remember—and the irony is that it probably only happened within the last year or so, whereas all his memories with Jihoon from much longer are still fresh on his mind.

"I knew then that I wasn't really capable of being just friends with you anymore, even if I tried." Jihoon sighs, the fog of his breath visibly making the act seem heavier. "It just...hurt too much. Two years had already passed since and that night was the first time I saw you since we broke up, and I knew that the feeling I felt in that moment would never simmer down to something painless."

It's a lot to swallow, but what Daniel can't wrap his head around is how Jihoon had literally been  _ there, _ so close to him without him even noticing. And the fact that he had wanted to reconnect that much sooner, if only he hadn't been with someone else at the time.

"I contented myself in knowing that you were in a good place, that you were happy. After all, that's what really mattered to me so even if  _ I _ couldn't move on, I was still happy to see that at least you did." Jihoon continues, the growing smirk he has on tugging at Daniel's heart. "Imagine the surprise I got tonight when  _ Flac _ told me otherwise."

Daniel opens his mouth to say something, but he ends up just wheezing a gust of air that’s close to a choked up laugh than anything. Jihoon matches the smile playing on his lips, chuckling along with him until he sparks back the seriousness in his face.

“What you said earlier, about us being different people back then,” he says slowly, his eyes softening to something familiar. “I don’t know if that’s true or not but...I think that maybe it just wasn't the right time for us. Maybe we should’ve tried walking a little slower or—I don’t know—” he shrugs, casually exhaling the words out. “What I do know is that to me, what happened between us—all the good and the bad—was worth it. Being with you was worth it, no matter how things ended.”

Daniel feels a surge of  _ something  _ pulsating through his veins upon hearing that. Something warm and tingly, filling up the spaces and gaps of his being that he never even noticed was missing something in the first place. He knows then, without a single strand of doubt, that he feels the exact same way; that the hardness of which he fell for Jihoon three years ago, all the moments he felt like his heart was about to burst from all the emotions it came with, all the confusion and frustration he felt in all their fights—the words they spoke, the kisses they shared, the nights they made their love feel real—it had all been worth it.

“Do you still love me?” He finds himself asking, the words tumbling out of his mouth out of their own accord. He can't find it in himself to feel ashamed or regret doing so though, not when Jihoon is suddenly laughing at him with a full set of teeth, bright enough to put the snow, the stars, and the moon to shame. It's suddenly very clear why he's asked him to come up here in the first place.

"I never stopped," he answers, the smile on his face unwavering. "I don't think I ever will, to be honest."

Daniel exhales a shuddering breath at that, full of relief that does little to hold back his next set of words.

"Do you think it's too late for us to try again?"

The question comes unexpected judging by the pause and the way Jihoon's mouth falls open and empty. His earlier confidence is gone, replaced by a stifling weight that Daniel can feel himself in his bones. Just because they both know they still love each other doesn't necessarily mean getting back together is the best move for them. They both did that once before, and to this day they still haven't recovered from the consequences.

"We both brought out the best and the worst in each other. That's always been the case with us," Jihoon says carefully, words coming out slow with meaning. "And maybe you're right. Maybe we  _ are  _ different from the people we used to be before but—" Jihoon bites his lips, the last word cut off by his own emotions. Daniel remembers this look, and he remembers how much he doesn't like it.

"You hurt me, Daniel. Just as much as I hurt you. And to be perfectly honest...I don't think I want either of us to get hurt like that again," Jihoon finally says, a breath of final exhalation. Daniel understands. He completely understands, but it doesn’t keep the words from leaving a painful imprint on his chest. By no means did he expect things to just magically fix itself between them, but he’s not denying that he had hoped that it would.

“Okay,” Daniel whispers and nods, mostly to himself.

"But you know what?” Jihoon’s speaking again, prompting him to look back up. His eyes are on him now, holding a drive that wasn’t there before. “As painful as it all was, I don't think anything could ever come close to how much it hurts to live without you.”

At this point, Daniel’s lost count of how many times his breath’s been taken away from tonight alone, but he thinks this moment right now is the one that takes the cake. The sudden whiplash of the situation has him picking up after himself, but not fast enough for him to see Jihoon walking toward him, coming closer until he’s standing in front of him with only a few inches of space to separate them.

At this distance, all of Daniel’s senses go on hyperdrive. His vision is clouded with the ethereal glow that always seems to be emanating off of Jihoon. His nose can pick up the faint perfume he’s wearing, the scent travelling through him along with the sharpness of the winter air. His mind is fixated on his eyes, at the way they always shimmer and sparkle with glint even in the absence of light, drawing him in their depths until it’s all he can really focus on.

“I don’t think we can ever really avoid hurting each other at some point. It’s just something we really have to accept,” Jihoon starts again, his voice a whisper in the wind. “And I don’t know if we’ll ever learn to get past it but...I do know that I’ll probably end up regretting it for the rest of my life if I don’t try.” 

And Daniel feels it before he sees it, the electricity that runs through his entire body when Jihoon reaches out and loops a finger around his own. His heartbeat spikes, in a different sort of way that he hasn’t felt in a very long time. The kind that leaves him breathless, that has him welling up for no distinguishable reason. The kind that makes him feel whole and complete enough to believe that things will be okay.

“So...does this mean?” Daniel asks, hesitating to assume an answer. He didn’t know what he was expecting to get tonight, but the smile Jihoon gives him then rolls all his doubts away.

“We’ve been giving ourselves the chance to move forward for a while now,” he says, eyes steady and voice raw and thick with honesty. “Maybe it’s time we try doing it together.”

Daniel feels the finger around his own tighten its hold on him as Jihoon’s words come out, and for the first time in what feels like an eternal forever, it all comes clear to him; why he was never able to make it work with every other person he’s dated before, and why it had always felt like he was still writing pages to a story that was already over.

Because that’s exactly it—the story was  _ never  _ really over. They put the pen down, they had closed the book, but the last words they wrote three years ago wasn’t the ending. And now under the starless sky on top of the roof of where it all began, with the first snow falling around them, Daniel knows with confident certainty that this is the point where they start to pick up on where they left off.

Like the instinct he has when he dances, there are points and pages that he knows will be written down in sure permanence. He knows that Jihoon will continue on to be his best friend, his confidant, his lover, and that he will love him unconditionally, if not more than he already had in the past. He knows Jihoon will too, erasing any doubt they’ve ever had for each other in the process. He knows that it will take a lot of pages to build themselves up again, just as sure as he knows that every single one of them will be worth it.

There will be parts in the story that he’s not going to be sure of, times when Jihoon will accidentally step on his feet in the little dance they’re doing. There will be pages that contain a lot of slamming doors and broken glasses on the kitchen floor, of curses and angry bouts of frustrations at ungodly hours of the night. Someone will write down questions that sound like  _ “what the fuck did you just say?!” _ and  _ “who the hell do you think you are?!” _ , parts that awfully feel like the story is coming to an end with an immeasurable amount of tears that will drip and stain the ink on the words.

But it won’t end; not when both of them know when it’s the other’s turn to hold the pen. Not when they trust each other enough that one of them will keep on writing when the other is tired and feeling worn out.

There will be pages that Daniel cannot foresee too, pages where he lets Jihoon take control that will leave him blown away with surprises. The parts in the story that he will never know until it’s written. Like the chapters with gifts in them, the ones that foretell his birthdays to come that he makes sure he  _ never  _ misses. Of anniversaries and special occasions; and of what will probably be his favorite part in the book where they both find themselves strolling on the beach in their hometown of Busan one Chuseok holiday, and he turns around to see Jihoon kneeling in front of him with a red velvet box in his hand.

That chapter will have tears too, but the ink won’t turn into a stain when it dries.

The book will be filled with all of this, driven by the hope that sparks tonight on this very roof. The pages will come but for now, Daniel merely smiles—the widest he’s ever made thus far—as he returns the gesture and tightens his hold around Jihoon’s finger. For now he’s content with what’s washing over him, the feeling of extreme relief and euphoria that he’s found his way back to the puzzle piece that fits into all his corners.

They won’t rush out the words this time. They’ll do it on their own pace—the right way. Daniel can now stop wondering who will leave him next, and Jihoon can finally stop asking himself who will stay.

“Hoon?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel so bad that it took me THIS long to finish this. (You all have the CEO of Konect ent to blame for that) BUT I'm so happy that I'm finally through. To you who made it this far into the story, thank you so so much for reading this manifested fart of my feelings for the past few months. I hope whatever my brain pooped out was just as fun for you as it was for me!
> 
> As a final note, I just wanted to say that while I am still delulu over nielwink, in light of recent events I don't think I'll ever be able to write a decent fic using Daniel's POV again. I won't let this ship go just yet, but seeing as how finishing this story sort of became a chore than a hobby to me, I'm drawing the line there.


End file.
